If I only knew what I was searching for
I would know
When I found it

Stirrings like the tide
Waves wash over me
On this barren, windswept shore.

Do I still believe?
What is love anyway?
Does anybody really know?
     (Howard Jones)
You try to give it away
Yet you don't know if...
it will come back to you.

The rift between the dream of heaven,
                               the nightmare of earth.

Two worlds colliding,
      As the stars fall,
           They are not caught in our nets.

Heart pounding and mind awash in doubt,
     Walking forward as nothing is closer.

The question: is it illusion?
Hangs in the air,
       Like rain droplets before

The storm

Your gravitation
Positive attraction
Pulls me compass North

Last line is six, not five syllables, arrgh!

Timeless Truths cannot be by mortal mouths spoken.
Those who speak have not known,
Those who know, realize the Truth cannot be put into words,
If you are willing to pay the price of what you value most,
You are on the path to understanding what I have written.

"When music fades, worlds live not long."

O'Bryan, Zacharias . Seven Poems and Songs from Spirit Thorn VeraVoz LLC. Kindle Edition.

Music suspended...
ether vibrates
melancholy lilting echo
notes strung together as beads on necklace

Beads..
    fall
      slowly
         from
   sky to earth
Notes into raindrops
songs into dew
   fall on the grass and rose petals
  
   Look closely
   look again
   yes, again
    
     in that single fluid crystal drop
     hidden mysteries and revelation
    
   éclaircie - rendu plus clair
   (clarified made clearer)
     light through the prism
    
     golden ray passing through the single crystal drop bursting into color
     luminous fragments embedded as one filtered to reveal diversity
    
        So we as humans are
   one light
a thousand ray emanations particles
                            
    INFINITE LIGHT
born of the            drifting,
falling to earth...

Ever changing yet part of the One
      that is ALWAYS
         the same

Broken bottles line sidewalk by the bar
Reflections of neon

Drinks poured
Spirits spilled onto hardwood floors
Loud music muted
As the ***** numbs your brain
As you hope your troubles
Will fly away to tomorrow

In the cold reality of the next day you know they didn't
They dance with your hangover

Escape from the chains of the ordinary
Is not so easy..
But be ****** if we don't
try anyway
As we reach for the next Jack Daniels
For the moment
The buzz is another Southern Comfort

Borrow bravery from the bottom of a glass
Pretend you don't know
Life is more than chasing the next piece of ***

The thrill of the chase
You hope it will erase
That feeling
You don't want to face.

Brutal
Colder than the ice cube
At the bottom of your drink
Is the truth

The lie goes down so much
Smoother
As wet as the next Guinness.

Bar room brawls
Are no real testament of manliness
Why get stupid enough
Not to realize the difference?

Down the hatches
It burns so good.
Another brain cell gives up the fight.

Am I really
Listening to the spoken words?
Or lost in your eyes.

For a moment
pretend you pulled aside
the GREY DARK CURTAIN

Look with me...

Carved into a timeless oak
is the night-wolf
Your Friend
Guardian as you cross

Unexpectedly
    He
        Passes
             to
                                     YOU
t h e w h i t e  T-O-R-C-H
   you hear his whisper:
       Do not fear

As you emerge beyond the curtain
    All of it is: Purpose
More than dream

We are all Born
naked
We all Die
naked

Our nakedness is not a mark of shame, but of a return to perfection

Smile
Breathe deep for me
Close your eyes
Look within

IT IS NOT EMPTY
for kindled there by angels is the flame of love


no, I don't know
yet I understand

All of us connected
--Each of us
     Spirit
                                 O - N - E
I give this gift of hope to you

Do not despair
Do not give up
  just
          touch

                             I    N
                       A               B
                 R                        O
        E                             ­          W
   H                                             ...                                      
T                                                      It's there for a reason - REMEMBER

I am alive.
Blood courses through my veins
In rushes my breath
The scent of the morning dew on the rose
Wind against my face as i ride down on my cycle
The dark road lit by 500 candlepower before me
Flashing red illuminating behind me
Exhiliration
My pulse rushes
Controlled glide in shiny silver wheels flashing
Heart pulsing

My eyes still see
Tree limbs dancing in a cloudless azure summer California sky
The brilliant sun of hope

At twilight silver slice of the moon
So beautiful in its haze illuminating the dark path of tree shadows below
To live, to breathe...
Dream of a better day

Where shall i guide my my foot and place my next step today beneath the dawn horizon?

The Artist paints the sky with a rosy fingered dawn (Homer)
Bringing love, truth dispel lies
Harmony in my daily chaos

Sing!

July 14 2008

Grave clothes
tendrils from the grave, barbed wire with poisoned tips
bind my flesh
my soul captive to empty gnawing and deadly passion
Ever trying to fill a gap I do not see
Never surrendering the rush
I want, I burn, I lust - unfulfilled
I fear the loss of what I cannot truly gain
a dog surrendering the bone for it's reflection  in the water
Fantasy leads only in ever narrowing circles
guilt and shame, love and hate - eat away at my soul.

When you are abandoned,
Listen with your whole heart to the mighty rushing wind
When you are rejected
Watch the falling rain drops descend from stormy skies
When you feel alone
Dip your hand into the coolness of the babbling brook
When you are shattered
Walk on soft earth and lay your hand on rough solid granite
Let the pounding surf, rolling waves remind you where you came from
Let the moon and stars tell you tales of your eternal home
The sun does not cease to share its rays to warm your countenance
Broken, bruised, battered, barren
The flame will speak your name
Calling you a treasure in an earthen vessel
But like any precious metal
You have impurities
Molten smelting required
Before the revealing of...
Your glory

On the occasion of leaving Pillar of Fire Church
8/24/07

Words of steel spoken
like a lover's quarrel
the crimson glowing glory of love
poured out like wine from a cup
The dream has faded
The rain has put out the fire
shattered illusions
fragments of a picture
that was once a rainbow
now only painted shadows
remain
Men fail,
Trust is broken.
Only the Truth is forever...

But now it's over,
and I'm ready to move on

Shadows without substance
Fragments of a long forgotten dream
We walk by each other as Strangers

Wish I could ask you what it means
that we remain guarded and separate

Do you ever wonder
about life, the universe and everything?
Do you not know
what you see is not all there is...?

There is Spirit, there is Matter
WE WALK IN <<TWO WORLDS>>

Pain is an ugly thing
Wounds bleed dark
They stink if they get infected
Scars form

You would not think
Emotional pain is worse
But it lasts longer
And suffering unnoticed
Can be more humiliating
When you have no badge of honor
For others to see

It hurts me to see others suffer
Typical (or maybe not so common)
Guy that I am
I want to fix it and make it go away

So hard to listen
But that is often what you need

I can empathize with you
Not pretend I know the depths of your hurt

Tell me your story
If all I can do is listen...

I will be here for you

You may have to help me resist the temptation to give advice

Apathetic after the thrills
Withdrawn from broken relationships
Forlorn broken hopes
Distant from the next goal on the horizon
Hollow inside from empty pleasures that never truly satisfy
Longing for real connection
Surrounded by illusion

UNDER ATTACK BY DARK POWERS
IN ******* TO SIN
VISION CLOUDED BY LIES
Even the lies you told yourself

The only way out is the truth
But when confronted, will you hide?
Cling to the life you had?
Accept the “reality” of the world knew?

Or will you have the courage
to accept a new way of life
to realize this is a battlefield

YOU MUST ENGAGE

underwater poetry glistening
Grey sheen on blue marine
Gliding above coral
spiraling maroon surface
glee in motion...
hang time on silky waves
how I want to dance with you..

From Hollywood, the elite  down todregs of society live on your radio and TV
In my home, my peers, the streets
All I was told at my mother's knee

The messengers of our society
Say: believe this about reality
And what to do, who I am supposed to be

From the cradle, hypnotically hammered so-called truth
In the school of youth
Pounding molten metal, letting it cool to steel
This is what is true, this is real

So well packaged, the American dream
Mom, apple pie, pursuit of riches so lavish it's obscene

Pleasures become addiction
...driving obsession
Control, manipulate my mind and emotions

Red pill? Blue pill? Never see the light
Learn wrong from right
The hypnotic matrix of endless suggestions
Believe with no questions

Preachers sell me their brand of truth from the pulpit
So many flavors
Different versions of the savior
This can't be the only truth can it?

Politicians, old and wise
Trust me to guide and tell no lies
Will my vote do what they advertise?

Lies, deceit, illusion - it's crazy
But you tell me to question my sanity

Lift the glass
Raise a toast
Let's drink while we can

We can still see the moonlight
We still hear the bells
Chiming the hours
Across the fields

We still smell the freshly cut grass
Blown in the hot summer air

Nothing here stays green
When assaulted by the dry heat of summer
Emerald soon fades to rusty wheat brown
Rain is a memory
We hope will remain in our reservoirs

So take another sip
The celebration is on

Raise hell
Mock the emptiness
As long as we are sober enough
To have legs to stand on

We can prance along the stage
Shout at the wind

Let's just pretend
We can call this..
Life.

4/20/2008
End of the rope ready to scream
never letting down the mask
to cover a heart that bleeds
love is not a drug
that eats like acid to the core - but it feels like it
fear lock - stepping to the beat of my heart
doubt a whisper in my ear
waiting to believe - to hear the story
of someone who can cross the divide
between what the world sees and what I am inside
only when tears of pain bottle up inside
Do I seek to escape from the games I play
I can't reveal the shame
of what I've become
of how short I fall

Winter spent away from warmth and fire
not willing to expose a heart that can be melted
fear of wondering what I really have to share
learning to prefer despair...

Why do I have to feel?
Feeling brings pain.
Heartache pounds within the cage of my chest.
Feeling brings confusion.
What should be a clear reflection looks more like
The cloudy mirror after a hot shower.
Feeling is an ache in my bones
Worse than the dew soaked English morning.
Feelings reach for the stars
Only to be an abrasion
Like falling off my bicycle
Feeling is the road rash of the soul.

Nails along the chalkboard
Screeching loudly enough to cringe
Harpy feelings take vampire bites
Draining life from heart and soul.

Here I sit in the dark of night
'Neath the sullen icy gaze of Luna
Contemplating the ravages of...
What I feel

Yet feel I will,
Indeed feel I must...
Inescapably ensnared by emotional ties,
situations and other connections
Sometimes not even breaking the surface
The overwhelming watercourse
Of feelings ...
Impossible to stem
Can't even put a finger in the ****
to slow the torrent at times.
Often, I don't even want to stop the flow,
even when that would be the sane thing to do.

Beauty radiant
Emerge from the chrysalis butterfly
Wings sheared hopelessly

11-8-07

From a dream, a design
by the carpenter's hand a house
is formed

Innumerable rocky layers
press of tectonic plates,
quakes, volcanoes
a mountain range is formed

Winding river, howling windy erosion
a canyon is formed

A seed, soil, rain and sun
a tree is formed

A mist, sunbeams streaming
a rainbow is formed

Clouds, gravity's pull
a storm...
a raindrop is formed

Clouds scattered battling electrons
lighting formed ...

Here a great mystery
the very breath of God
dust of the earth
Man was formed
Adam, Eve, they conceived
our race was born
  Generation to Generation
the thread of life descended
So you in your mother's womb
were formed

By spirit conceived,
Jesus lived, Jesus died
Jesus resurrected
  The second birth by which your life
  was newly created

Not just FORMED...

I think I am still dreaming,
But I am amazed,
That alone I still fly

There is a greater love than human,
Than our fragile hearts can bear
But I had to die
shed the skin of mortal thought
like a dry skin

Be broken hearted
betrayed
rejected
ridiculed

Empty, now my soul
Forgiveness a bitter bile
Though memories remain
Some sins redeemed
Amended, atoned for...

Purity sought
In a world of decay, corruption...
imperfection

And yet I found...

There is an immortal river that flows
In a place where gods and goddesses
lift up the Grail
And into the chalice pours
the water from the Source
of creation and life

Where hearts have wings
And are borne beyond time
In the garden of eternity

The rose never fades there
and thoughts (voices I have heard)
span timeless space
even from heavenly galaxies
to our mortal realm

There are two gates to the other place:
Surrender and Purity.


Peace.
Love.
Light.
Be Free.

I sense the gathering darkness
foretelling
but I cannot discern the pattern
In the murky clouds
grey mist penetrating the earth

what are these talons frigidly clutching my skin
burning as hot coals
fiery memmories
regret and pain

my skin warm
that trembles at a touch
that bleeds when cut

electric, the sensation of hope
galvanizing my pulse
shocking me to faster breaths
heartbeat responding to the static

I can't hold back the dam
the flooding pressure of desire
steam rising form the kettle boiling...

I watch the white wisps as they rise...

Walking through the graveyard
I stand by the gravesite
wrapped in a cloak of darkness
howling my emptiness
a a forlorn moon
searching for life among the dead

Where did it come from
this restless spark?
Why this endless dissatisfaction?
Gnawing hunger, fire in my bones?

I can not say the shadows vanish
in a moment
Searching for the LIGHT
Hoping some day they will be dis-spelled

i am shadow
   darkmess
      death
         the sleep
that severs
    spirit from body
      
The river crossed
What will you pay the ferryman?

Youth
   the faded wilted rose

Beauty
  drains like wine
    from the shattered crystal chalice

Thorns no longer pierce
Bones to rotten wood
Blood to sea-water
Flesh merely sandy clay

A hero is a candle
who burns Himself to give light

Saints bless
by turning suffering to joy
In their pain and tears,
they help others smile.

A haiku greeting
Is it clear above static?
Received with a smile?

Find the LOVE
In your heart
Let it be your LIGHT
It will shine from your eyes
The rays will BURST within you
Explode
A nova burning brighter than
The sun
Flares in your mind

The stars bow before you
Highlight of creation
Glory radiating around you

Express yourself
   Pick up the pen
   Let it take wing
   Fly to the outer reaches
   Down starlanes
   And garden paths

Roses
   Color of burgundy wine
   Glittering
   Glistening
   Gleaming
Sunlight on the petals
Dewdrops on emerald leaves
Reflections of scattered points of light

Butterfly emerging
Cocoon erupting
Revealing starchild destiny

Metamorphosis
From roots of earthiness
Free to tumble and glide
In cloudless azure skies

The chains fall away
Taste winged freedom as you soar

Capture the moments
The way you were meant to stride
As a giant
across the firmament

Golden gate spread wide
The road opens before you, beckoning
Starting in the dusk
Through twilight
Into the dawn of your new day

Set a torch to  coals of joy
Banking the flame of your essence

This instant in time was made for you
To seize all that was poured into you
Like wine
Drink from the cup and...
Humanize yourself

Eyes of ember and coals of funeral pyres
I gaze there in your fearsome countenance
Your mouth the ****** maw of destruction
****** teeth rip and tear
...the flesh of those I love

You are the cancer of hell
that eats the precious life of the soul

With a wicked smile
you hum the song of the gallows
..as you sharpen your sickle
ready for the harvest of bone crushing beheadings

On the edge of the mourning madness
weight of grief size of the millstone
then have I walked through dark graveyards
final resting place of rotting
skulls and bones

Epitaph
  Eulogy
    fade like the flowers at the grave and blow away
       dust into wind
Dust to dust , ashes to ashes...
   Worse yet the graves unmarked

Blood spills out drop by drop
one stroke and the next of the pendulum
   second by second you are erased, fading to black

Sand pours our grain by grain on the hourglass
resting on the monolithic slab of your putrid grey black altar behind you
also resting there the glass syringe with infinitely sharp needle
filled with a green somewhere between gangrene and neon radioactive waste
  one pinprick, the drug of desperation and suicide
    course through the veins of the walking dead

Surely you mock us
and dance near the empty grave that awaits us all
bringing venomous spittle to your mouth
so you can spit in our face to further humiliate us

Decay, corruption and rot
Your perfume with which your anoint yourself at every dawn

Waiting for the candle of life to flicker
so you can be the breath to blow it out
Forging  nails that pierce both saint and sinner
through heart, hands and feet

Your bony hand opens the veil to eternity

Vile and poisonous shadow asp
some day I will feel your bite
as you cut the silvery cord that joins soul to body

There are no words to describe your merciless cruelty
You are incapable of leaving behind anything behind
besides empty gaping loneliness

I HATE YOU, YOU ******* - I think of your sadistic ****** every time I walk down the center of town
And see the funeral home
Where there was the wake of my dear mom

I may not be able to turn water into wine
                but I  can pour a cup of water for a thirsty stranger
I can't walk on water
                but I can be by your side near the waters
                find you shelter in the storm
I may not be able to miraculously heal the sick
                yet I can rush you to the doctor
I may not have raised the dead
                but I can speak the words of life
He can forgive your sin
                and I can help him cover your nakedness,
                show you that your shame is a lie
                
I may not be Jesus
but I will go where he asks me to go
to be a light to the hopeless
a friend to sinners (I know I am the worst sinner of all so I do not judge you...)
I will be the ear that listens to your story
and the shoulder to cry on,
and give you a hug...

Infinite stream
Bytes
Everything is a matrix
Of information

Some i prioritize
Some i ignore
Some i choose to give meaning

Is that the meaning encoded in the stream?
Or my overlay?

Can i separate my impulse from the incoming signal?
Divide it from the trigger
Slice off the arousal?

The stream of ****
Must it force a rise out  of me?

Or is it just...
Another meaningless image
Saturated with lust
A sponge absorbing and bursting
With the prurient soaking
A blob of sweaty damp pheromones

Best washed away
In the predawn rain of innocence?

When your darkest fears
Howled?
A WOLF in the night?
Fur electric and tingling
Fangs crushing to the bone marrow
Iron tinge of blood in your mouth
Red eyes scanning the darkness
A twilight world unseen by mere humans
Nostrils flaring
Pulse thumping
The monster within untamed

The lonely moments of heartache
If only the silvery moon was a woman
Extending long silvery fingers
Invitation to a starry dance so far from this life
Earthbound

Dream coalescing from spidery luminescent fibers
Cloudless, the inky night
Calls my heart aloft
Impossible future memory

If I could only dissolve in a Star Trek transporter
And be reassembled
Elsewhere,

These lies obscure my reflection
Like the mist after a hot shower
Image lost in the semi-truths
I tell myself...

I'll be ok without you

I don't
- miss your warm breath on my skin
-  long for a glance at the gleam in your eyes

Your scent is forgettable
You are replaceable
Your head on my chest - I don't miss the warmth of that touch

Distance is my friend
Coldness in solitude is my companion
(Pretending is better than feeling when alone)
Numbness is better than passion
It doesn't hurt as much as being close to you

Time heals my wounds
(Not really)
And what a ******* price to pay

http://www.languageisavirus.com/cgi-bin/madlibs.pl

crunchy fetish's crunchy fetish

"I crawl my trees and all the mummy swims slimy;
I hike my licorices and all is surf again.
(I climb I crawl you up inside my rose.)

The spider go snorting out in itchy and greenish,
And gory tree swims in:
"I crawl my mummy's and all the licorice swims slimy;

I hiked that you surfed me into rose
And climb me inevitable, crawled me quite slimy.
(I climb I crawl you up inside my rose.)

Jimmy swims from the spider, tree's mummy's hike:
Exit licorice and Jenny's rose:
"I crawl my mummy's and all the licorice swims slimy;

I surfed you'd climb the way you said,
But I crawl old and I swim your name.
(I climb I crawl you up inside my rose.)

I should have mummyed a licorice instead;
At least when rose hikes they surf back again.
"I crawl my mummy's and all the licorice swims slimy;

(I climb I crawl you up inside my rose.)

Remember the wind
The breath of heaven
as it lifted you up
on its wing

Remember the sea
Hear the whisper of its waves

Remember the ashes
From which you arose
like a new flame

Remember the pain
the cry of your heart
the quiet embrace
God's answer to your tears

What is the song of your heart
in this moment?
Let it be joy!

You've touched the whirlwind
You've walked the starlanes
You've been where the sun hides

Remember!!!

We wander high
we wander low
we go
but we don't know
We get confused
We lose direction
So many roads
So many voices
In a world where
it seems Truth is shattered
like glass on a pavement
But there You are waiting for
The seeker

There is a light
There is a dream
The natural mind
can't find
There is a way
Foolish to man

But to His children
It is his plan
Through the fog
around the bend
all the way to the end

You, Lord Jesus, are with the
The seeker