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Mar 2021 · 133
Today
SangaHmar Mar 2021
Today I failed my friend
Today my friend killed himself
Today I think back on words I shouldn't have said
Today I am filled with regret
Today I realise the importance of words,
Today I failed to save my friend

He always said he'd **** himself
But alas I was a fool and thought it was a joke
I'd sarcastically tell him he did not have the guts to **** himself
Then he had to go and prove me wrong
Today I wished I had acted different
Today I wished had I only said, it wasn't the end for him,
Had I consoled him with words of care
Maybe he'd still be here,and I'd still have my friend
But I am a fool at heart, stupid and blind to others
I will never forgive myself
But I promise I'll learn
I promise I won't fail anyone in life,
Not anymore
Mar 2021 · 135
Father Time
SangaHmar Mar 2021
Father time, father time
Tell me is it about to be my time,
Time for me feels fleeting
I can feel it in my very being
My end is coming soon
So father time, father time
Am I right? Am I right?
Am I to die tonight
Long and weary are my bones and body
I hope nobody minds me when I say
Finally to lay at rest wouldn't be so bad
Father time, will the hurt stop
When my time comes, will I sleep soundly.
Feb 2021 · 120
If time was a place
SangaHmar Feb 2021
If time was a place,
I'd meet you there..
To see you one last time,
And say I'm sorry
Jan 2021 · 115
If only
SangaHmar Jan 2021
If only time were kinder
Then I would have met you under different circumstances
If only fate were as forgiving
Then I wouldn't be here writing my regrets

I will never be the person of your dreams
I have no misgivings about it
But I shall not lie so believe me when I say
It fills me with sorrow to come to terms with it
It would be a lie when I say I would be happy if you're happy
For just the thought of you with someone else kills me

But We have all to come to terms with the reality we are faced with
And I with mine
We can only be grateful for the chances we are given, for the moments we get to share with someone.
I hope someday this heart heals
I hope someday I get to forget you
If only forgetting memories of you were as easy as falling asleep
But in truth you've etched your presence in me
It's a blessing and a curse
I'm sad but I'm glad
I'm angry but I find comfort in it
This weird melancholic feeling
It's hurts well it hurts good

You'll never know how I felt
Because what you don't know can't hurt
And I don't want to hurt you
Because somethings are more beautiful for the reason they are unobtainable
And so I'll swallow my feelings forever if I have to
Even if it means I'll be miserable forever
Because hurting you and you turning into a stranger hurts too much
And I'd rather live with the regrets of holding the truth in
Dec 2020 · 141
Lie
SangaHmar Dec 2020
Lie
We lie even if it's only a little bit,
So that we can somehow find a way to live with ourselves
Dec 2020 · 144
Still My Heart
SangaHmar Dec 2020
Still my heart,
And teach it to move on
It cannot overcome the past
Where fond memories of you were built on
My head is full of dreams of you
While my heart aches of sorrow
My absence is something you'd hardly ever feel
For I am certain you won't need me, not for an eternity
My feelings will never be reciprocated
And my heart will be left out to wither and dry.
I'll be alone for the rest of my life
I guess this is what it's like,
To die every waking moment inside
Oct 2020 · 104
Black and white
SangaHmar Oct 2020
Let me dance my fingers on the black and white ivory
Glancing once in while to see
You sitting close to me
With you staring out, watching the blue sky
Singing along to the movement of my fingers
With a voice as clear as winter
But sweet like the spring
You smile as my fingers glide across
Your smile brings the summer warmth
This moment this piano this song
Your voice your smile your eyes
Makes me feel lucky to be alive
Makes me feel like I'm in paradise.
Jul 2020 · 102
No longer
SangaHmar Jul 2020
I no longer want to be here
But I'm too scared to die
I can't come to terms with life
Yet I can't do what is necessary to end it outright

I pushed the people I loved afar
I shoved people who cared away
I backed myself into a corner
Where my only company is despair
Maybe I thought it would hurt less for them
If they became strangers, instead of family and friends
Jul 2020 · 89
I'm sorry
SangaHmar Jul 2020
I'm sorry, i meant well
I never intended to hurt you, but I did
I thought I was only helping, I guess I was wrong.
I only meant to guide and help,
Not burn down what you had going on
If only i could go back
I would stop myself
From entering your life,
I'd steer my gaze off, and walk out of your life
It would have saved you from much hurt
And me from the guilt that chains me down
I thought I'd be the person to help others with their burden
But I was just a monster hiding in the dark
Everything I touch burns down and crumbles
I guess it's true what they say
The path to hell is paved with good intentions
I'll be going there now, this is goodbye
And even though late, if its worth any,
I'm sorry.
Jun 2020 · 89
Nature
SangaHmar Jun 2020
I came to know the nature of people
And thus I became disillusioned.
May 2020 · 116
What is love
SangaHmar May 2020
What is love?

I guess it's like the feeling of soft grass and earth on your feet
With the buzzing of bees and the songs of birds,
The flowers in bloom, painting places in colorful tones.
The time when the world awakens from death, It breaths life back to things, in the midst of the breeze of spring.


I reckon it is to feel the warmth of the sun on the tip of your skin, shining a great hue of yellow.
It symbolising the adventurous and daring nature of youth
The time of waking up into infinite potential,
I dare say tends to bring out in people the summer fun.


Maybe it's like the changing of leaves,
When they brown and fall of trees,
Painting the whole place orange
And it, marking the transformation into something new,
The fall marks life anew.


Or perhaps,
The time when all things sit still,
When all lies dormant
Winter to people seems harsh, frigid and cold
But people seem to forget,
For all things if to start over, must first end
And In winter lies the beginning of things, in it lies the promise of spring
May 2020 · 91
Time to go
SangaHmar May 2020
It's time to go,
Time to cast off the anchor that holds you
You have been stagnant in one place too long
Lying dormant, just hoping the past would change,
Questions of what if, and what could have been haunts you
It fills your head to the top that it blinds you
But It's time to open your eyes
and let go the shackles that bind you,
Time to get on the rollercoaster that only goes up.
Hope
May 2020 · 91
Tell me
SangaHmar May 2020
Tell me lass
And speak true
Tell me how one falls out of love with their other
Because to fall in is one thing but to fall out is another
To wake up to a numb heart
To unlove someone suddenly
Tell me, what you were feeling
Tell me was it easy, was it hard
Tell me what you felt, when you broke their heart
How did love escape from you
Did it gradually fade like a dimming light
Or was it lost quick and rapid like the tides
That the someone in your life became a complete stranger
How hard was it for you to sever
What you had between the two of you
Did past memories together make it harder
Or was it just easy all the same and smooth like butter
Forgive me for asking all this
Because the thought of it is perplexing, vexing
For many more would fall in love
Only to hit the ground and shatter
May 2020 · 115
Different eyes
SangaHmar May 2020
I wish i could look at myself through your eyes,
To see if at all im wasting my time.
I hope you see me the way I see you
Because I'm scared I'd realise,
All this time, you were seeing me through different eyes.
Feb 2020 · 104
Pain
SangaHmar Feb 2020
Even when the rain clouds the sky,
And it stretches far beyond, a dark pale gloom
When even a single ray of light can't shine through,
You learn to bear the pain and grind your teeth
You laugh it off, and hope the day won't repeat
Feb 2020 · 98
She's happy
SangaHmar Feb 2020
She smiles she laughs
Her troubles and problems are of yesterday's past
The present to her feels surreal, unreal like a dream when she's with him
She feels cosy, warm and invulnerable
When she's by his side
No longer does she cry, muffled in her pillow
For he is the one who keeps her cheeks dry
And turns it bright red and yellow
She no longer stays up feeling unwanted and alone
For he makes her feel loved, wanted and  connected
He is the one who says all the right words to keep her world from collapsing
He is the one to make her happy and much more
To her he is all the things I could never be
Feb 2020 · 94
The daisy
SangaHmar Feb 2020
The thought that someone would choose her,
Was something out of a fairy tale for her
That which would never be a reality
For she thought 'who ever would choose a daisy from a field of roses'
Little did she know, he would have...
He would have chosen the daisy from a field of roses
Feb 2020 · 83
Ps
SangaHmar Feb 2020
Ps
You came into my life
Without so much as asking, or a knock on the door
You barged right in and made a mess of it all
But you forever changed who I am
Transformed what was bare,
Colorless and comatose
To a beating heart, filled with life
Your presence, though it made a mess, made me whole
It made me glad, to know you at all
You made me feel at ease, at peace
You made me see that life wasn't all that bad
You taught me to smile, to laugh
But like all things, like all other things in life,
You left just the same
Truly I am glad I had a glimpse of you
Be it even just a glimpse, a glance
But I promise, this encounter, I'll treasure forever
Dec 2019 · 136
That's OK
SangaHmar Dec 2019
I'm not okay.
Life so far, has been hard and complicated
But that's okay
I've been tossed and turned, battered and bruised
But that's ok
Like a worn out rag I've been torn to pieces and shredded  to bits
But that's ok
My life is filled with regrets
Choices I've made and the ones I didn't
But that's okay
I feel helpless and hopeless at times
Scared and unsure of what the future holds
But that's okay
Life has never been kind to me and probably never will be
But that's okay
My life is filled with scars, painful memories and tears
Because after all these things
At the end, you learn to lie and paint a smile
And say I'm okay
Dec 2019 · 118
Hold On
SangaHmar Dec 2019
Hold on let's figure this out,
Can we try again and work it out
Every day of every hour,you feel distant you feel far,
Tell me what to do, tell me what to say
Tell me what I need to do, to fix all the issues
Between us is a rift that won't close,
A rift that will swallow us whole
Give me answers, give me something
Anything at all, just don't leave me in the dark
Don't leave me stranded, don't leave me blind
Don't leave me alone, without a reason why
I'm trying my best, im giving my all
To save us before we break,before we fall.
Nov 2019 · 189
She was the night
SangaHmar Nov 2019
She was the night,
The pitch black beauty of it all
Enigmatic in her form,
If you looked close enough you could see
The stars twinkling in her eyes
So breathtaking you'd lose sight of yourself in it all
She was the night sky
That stretched a boundless boundary beyond
She was the moon
That shined bright, pale and blue
The moment you laid eyes on it,
You'd wish it'd stayed with you
Even beyond the break of dawn
So calm and serene the night she is.
Nov 2019 · 105
Remember
SangaHmar Nov 2019
You won't miss me as much as I would you,
For I will not be there to guide you or see you
But let me remember to smile for you
So you would remember that I was happy till the end
Grant me strength to hold my tears, to still my voice
I have never been so afraid my whole life
For it is the unknown that scares me
But if i were to remember my last moments here
Perhaps I can bear what is to follow
Let me remember this feeling of being loved
And let me not forget my love for you
Fill my last moments with a smiling face
So you can remember, that I died happy in your grace
Jun 2019 · 127
Remember
SangaHmar Jun 2019
I try my hardest my very best,
To try to think and write
To convey my happiness in words
But I can't seem to do it.
All that I see is but a blank space
Have i forgotten what it's like,
Have I forgotten what happiness is
If that's who I am now
What a contemptible life I live
I wonder would I ever be able to remember.
Jan 2019 · 181
Deceased.
SangaHmar Jan 2019
Downcast and under,
I am writing from 10 feet under,
Rotting away beneath the life above,
I wonder what others would make of me now that I'm under.
Of what stories would be said of what tales would be told of me,
Even though I'm dead the thought breathes life to me.
In what light would they cast me, good or bad,
Portray me a Saint or maybe a sinner or,
Perhaps maybe something in between, a flawed person like everyone else.
Or maybe they would just forget me and the place I rest
Now that would be sad, a sad though to have,
For family and friends to forget you after you're dead.
Having your grave strewn with leaves
A desolate place with not a soul to give care to clean.
Not a single soul to reminisce a memory of you
Nothing but a forgotten friend, a loved one left behind.

My bones creak as the maggots eat my flesh
What an unsightly thing it would be if I wasn't dead.
Such a small space to be confined in below dirt ground
I can hear my fellow dead neighbours moaning across from me below ground
Perhaps they too find their final resting place cramped and dark.
I can hear it, the world above,
People passing by, to visit their loved ones who've passed,
But alas for me, I remain alone
None to visit with flowers nor yo speak words of care.
I have been here alone since they laid me to rest
My family my friends, none have shown up so far
Perhaps I'm to slumber alone for eternity in darkness, ten feet under.
Nov 2018 · 184
She was Sad
SangaHmar Nov 2018
She was sad,
She was blue,
She was tired and in gloom,
She felt sick, so powerless.
To take a break was what she needed,
Rest was a longing she had,
But alas she couldn't last,
A day without her lips between the cigarettes,
For it wasn't just a habit she kept,
It was an escape from the tensions of life
And so it became a habit she just could not break,
To be better was what she wanted,
But better was something she did not understand,
She spent her better days, crying alone
Her muffled face beneath the pillow,
Wondering how it went so wrong,
How she had drowned in her own sorrow.
Oct 2018 · 239
Tired
SangaHmar Oct 2018
Im just so tired of it all
I listen on and on,
To your problems and issues.
I offer a shoulder when you cry,
A helping hand when you're in blues
I try my level best to be there for you,
To all of you my so called friends.
Have you ever tried doing the same,
Have you ever asked me how I'm doing
Or asked if I was okay,
Because only now do I know and realise
The bare truth that stares at my face,
None of you care as I do
I would give my all, burn myself out if i had to,
If it meant i could help you
But when I needed help most,
All of you scurry away into your holes. I hate that you took advantage of my kindness,
And used me to your end,
Do any of you actually care
Im human too, I feel the same as you
I never asked for anything back,
Yet when I bring up my grief
In an attempt to find relief,
You turn a blind eye and act as if you were deaf.
Well I guess I don't matter enough do I
I don't count as a friend,
Guess you only notice my existence when you need something,
Well good luck facing your problems on your own,
Because tomorrow you won't see me again.
Sep 2018 · 257
Life
SangaHmar Sep 2018
Life is short, we've all heard it,
But have we really had a chance to explore it,
It has become saturated, a cliché if you will,
So it'd be best to freshen up,
To remember how life can turn most unexpected
So let's take a moment, and reflect,
Freeze time, and push the dial backwards.
The moments we've lived of past events,
When thought about it in our minds are insignificant,
Yes, the moments we lived at the time,
Were merely us and family and friends having a good time,
Embracing the moments, we lose ourselves,
Without concerning what the future is holding.
The years leave as quick as we grow,
While they add on up and pass us by,
That sometimes we forget that life is fortuitous.
We see things in motion around us everyday,
Yet only see the significant changes after it has flown past us.
I don't mean to sound sappy,
So please bear with me,
I hope people think at least once or twice,
How fast the present turns to past,
And how the present can be snuffed out like a wicker lamp.
With the snap of a finger you could lie 8 feet below ground,
For it seems to me that people tend to forget,
Death is around the corner waiting ahead.
How long your journey is?
Who can tell,
Hell, maybe its only a day or 9 months from now,
Just know, when you reach the corner where death awaits, it could surprise you or you could met it as a dear old friend.
Sep 2018 · 207
The Milkman's Daughter
SangaHmar Sep 2018
Rest your weary head my little one,
Close your eyes,
Let your father sing you a lullaby,
I'll sing you to sleep, and bless you for the things to come.
Now hush my child, and listen to my voice,
As you set sail, to dream, to let your worries go.

May you travel afar, far from here,
To lands of untold riches,
Where the river flows of milk and honey,
Where diamonds and pearls rest on your head.

May you find fortune and happiness
Joy and wonderful glee,
May the angels watch over you,
To protect and keep you from all harm,
May you find kindness in all that you need.

May you give love, find love and be loved in return,
May the sun never set on your smile,
May you never know sorrow and may your happiness stretch the ocean's.
Be merry, virtuous and kind,
And may all that and more be returned to you
So until tomorrow my little darling may you dream a while
Aug 2018 · 450
Im Done
SangaHmar Aug 2018
I now understand how he feels,
why he acts as he does,
God its an awful feeling, like drowning in the ocean with waves crushing down on you, while you slowly sink, the light fading out, while you sink so helplessly
So you take to the bottle and pills,
to ever so slightly numb the pain,
to not feel for a while, to forget even for just a moment, to be blissful and carefree.
For the moment it wears off you remember the pain and heartache as it wraps around your heart,
You hold back tears fighting to stay in one piece
But everyday, every moment becomes your worst nightmare you step closer and closer to the void, towards self destruction,
While you scream internally for help, "Please someone save me", but alas its too late, and you whisper goodbye cruel world and accept your fate.
Aug 2018 · 6.8k
In Sleepless Nights
SangaHmar Aug 2018
In sleepless nights I lie awake,
Thinking about dying and lying in a wake,
Fearing the cold void that might await.

In sleepless nights I lie awake,
What peace would be like, to finally rest,
Thinking of the eternal slumber that awaits.

In sleepless nights I lie awake,
Tired and weary, sad and in misery,
Wondering when the day would get better.

In sleepless nights I lie awake,
Haunted by the memories of loved one's who've passed.

In sleepless nights I lie awake,
Reminiscing of the past, of the sweet precious memories that keeps out the dark.

In sleepless nights I lie awake,
Thankful I made it through the day,
Without falling apart and breaking away.

In sleepless nights I would continue to lie awake,
And stare at the ceiling in the dark,
Until Morpheus comes to take me away.
Jul 2018 · 1.1k
Mr Depression
SangaHmar Jul 2018
Feeling down feeling sad?
Feeling hopeless and in despair?
Feeling overwhelmed from everyday life,
Well I have a solution to make it right.
Follow my advice and be at peace,
For all you have to do is take your life.
I know what you're thinking at first,"That's insane"
But i twist your mind and make you believe,
A way out through suicide.
All you have to do is listen to me and believe in these steps,
These steps to feeling fine.

One, Life is a drag a bottom less pit,with no pleasure or joy in it, I feed you these words day and night,until you believe it without a doubt.

Two, You try to tell yourself it will work out in the end but i whisper in your other ear the suffering won't end.

Three, I keep you distant from family and friends,from much needed help that could save you.
Four, Your concentration is gone focus is impossible and I’ve deprived you of your self esteem.
Five, Everything has become hopeless and there's no way to feel better and I say to myself what a great job i've done.
Six, You lose your appetite,you cannot sleep,all of life's activities have dulled you,things that bring you joy and cheer are gone as i have robbed you.

Seven, You then can see only one end,one way to end the pain,you take aim and fire away,while thinking you've escaped the pain.

But what you didn't know was that the pain did not go away,
It now lives in the people you have left.
Now its up to me to start again
It has been a pleasure
Sincerely Mr Depression.
Jul 2018 · 177
Well I Have
SangaHmar Jul 2018
Have you ever fought back tears
Trying to stay strong,
Well I have

Have you ever gone to sleep
Hoping to die in your slumber,
Well I have.

Have you ever had pieces chipped off you everyday
That makes you feel less of a person,
Well I have.

Have you ever prayed to God
To take your life,just so the pain could stop,
Well I have.

Have you ever had a muffled cry
Holding yourself back,just so you don't break and fall apart,
Well I have.

Have you ever been disgusted by yourself
On your cowardice to fight back,
Well I have.

Have you ever known what it is like to be broken and shattered
Only to repeat it the next day,
Well I have.

Have you ever sat in the darkness black
Having dark thoughts, contemplating on ending the pain.
Well I have.

Have you ever found hope
Only for it to be snatched away and snuffed out in the dark,
Well I have.

Have you looked to each day with a renewd resolve to face obstacles,
Well.......... Im not so sure,not anymore.
We all have our moments in life when everything seems bleak and dark,when you just feel so worthless and powerless.The feeling of despair, the feeling that everything won't be better and you're better off dead.
Jul 2018 · 170
If I Am To Wake
SangaHmar Jul 2018
If I am to wake up one day
In the same body but different mind,
Do not weep as I won't understand why.

If I am to wake up one day
With part of me gone,
Hold me close and hold me dear
For who I was before is gone.

If I am to wake up one day
Without any recollection of past memories so sweet and dear,
Judge me not so harshly,for I am not here.

If I am to wake up one day
Only for you to brave this alone,
Forgive me,for i can't be there to hold you close.

If you were to wake up to this one day
Know this and keep it in your heart,
That I love you,even if I can't remember.

For this will be a moment,
That will test patience and love against all odds.

For if this comes to pass one day
Then sadly it would be goodbye,
For I won't wake up on that day.

— The End —