It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces  
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived

my dark is mine
my hope sublime
last call for the world
I await

I thought that it would hurt more
but all I feel is numb
Like an old returning pain
too many times succumbed
A heart already broken
A mind already lost
words that cant go unspoken
a line already crossed.

i want to play by the rules
but i do not know them

maybe in another life,
maybe with another name.

maybe in a different world
with different rules.

maybe with a kinder past
a safer present,  
and a brighter future.

maybe in a corner of my heart,
tucked so far down in my soul
that I'll be able to pretend
to forget that it is there.

maybe then I can love you,
as I wish to.

You may try to **** me if you wish.
But as long as you breathe,
My love will remain and then,
I will never truly die.

Overwhelming emotional force in the heart.
Uncertain on how to act.
making mistakes in both speech and deed.
attempting to arrange life in a balanced manner.
But the mind won't budge.
But, take heart: this malady is widespread.
Life is a lingering state of instability.