Am I kind?
Am I good?
Am I all that you think?
Or am I just a curse
Such an awful little jinx
Chewing up your soul
Leaving you broken links
Rueing the day you choose me
Drawing you to the brinks
Cursing my name under breath
Sighs in anger and defeat
Growing tired of this self-hatred
Sipping on poison-filled sweets
So silence the roaring cries
Of this good person that you seek
As they are nowhere to be found
I am but another selfish freak

Its clouded within my mind
foggy and dimly lit
As if I'm floating on a cloud
Or sinking into the sea
As if everything around me is meaningless
Passing me by without a seconds glance
Surrounded by faces laughing with glee
Muted voices and blurry sences
I'm watching it from a silver screen
I raise my hand to reach out
To feel the warm of an affectionate touch
Gracing the faces my hand goes straight through
Like rippled water its cold and cool
Emotionless expressions and tightly pursed lips
All in dark colours, greys and blues
Its a hopeless feeling of being so lost
What can I do except sit back and watch
Doors wide open there is no lock and key
There is only this reflection sitting besides me
Holding my hand, boney and thin
He whispers to me with a raspy voice
Tell me dear what is your true sin
To which i reply
I'm unwilling to let people in
A barrier between them
Keeping them at 10 feet
Empty glass eyes gazing at the screen
I don't have the time, to sit there and weep
To which i suppose is why I stay here with you
A malicious grin stretched across his face
Dark Blue orbs filled with a sadistic appeal
To which i find comfort within them I yield
Then stay with me behind the curtains of the show
Because surely by now you realize
I'm never letting you go

I know.

#

It will workout.























surely...

You know....
I've changed in these past months
I didnt think you would notice
My speech and personality has escalated
It seems I've lost my focus

I'm empty from the longing
The airy feeling left in my chest
I'm speaking to you with no feeling
Surely I would jest

Its scary to think how much I cared
Everything I sacrificed
All the things I did for your sake
To think I was satisfied

You were like a sweet chocolate
Melting on my tongue
Only to reveal bitterness
Which kind of stung

I can't say I regret it though
Giving you all my time
I would do it all over again
Even if my love isint worth a dime

You know...
I've really grown
Since you left me here alone
I've managed to take your lead
But my sins will not be atoned

Now if I could really go back
I dont think I could
As I have friends that love me now
Life right now is good

I learned from you
And what we had
I noticed now
That our relationship was bad

You know...
Thought its labelled like that
As toxic and deadly
I still loved every moment
You were the first to hold me steady

The first to make me feel such want
intoxicated by the love we had
Drunken off our hearts beating in sync
Even if that was what caused us to sink

We sunk into the depth below
Further down then any man was willing to go
Freely falling into timeless space
throwing away the cruel reality that we both refused to face

You know...
By our ending
Where our ties became undone
Our final page was turned
And the ink had run to none
I loved you

With everything I had
I counted the Stars
Praying for a wish
a wish for eternity to be like this

Though silly wishes that are made upon stars
Dont last for eternity
And they tend to leave nasty scars
Though you left me
My feelings never changed
Even if the curtains have fallen upon the stage

You know....
The play does go on

My mind is far too tired for these fundamental games
Worn down by voices repeating whispers that are all the same
Where the villainesses sins are known and the victims are many
It's useless to be virtuous, It isn't worth a penny

Let me walk far away from the crowds of plenty
Where they disregard their morals, if there even are any
A world that use to be 'interesting', thrilling, to say the least
Though overtime the childish endeavors never seem to cease

Aren't you tired of this world, isn't it time to grow up?
Because I've already begun to leave this crooked setup
The rumors, the lies, the backstabbing truths
Its preteen games, that should have been left behind in our youth

There is simply no time, nor the energy to waste on petty things
Nobody worth impressing, there are no prideful kings
No need to interact or associate with those I hate
Nor those who treated me poorly, while using the title of a mate

Who has the energy for all of this these days

Let me Rest.

Its hard to stop and smell the flowers
When the sun in the sky don't shine

This is going to sound stupid
It's going to sound crazy
but I think...
I'm falling in love with you
Heart racing with a text
Smiling from ear to ear
It's so light, so sweet
I find myself yearning to meet
with another ding, my phone goes
Racing to see to my delight
Your name upon the lock screen
What a wonderful night

How can you already have me wrapped around your little finger?
Though I don't mind. I'm only wishing you were mine

~

I wonder why sometimes
You're the only ones who can make me cry
Make me sulk as if I am a child
And I'll always sit there thinking why

You've got a soft spot in my heart
A place that makes me feel warm
that no matter how far we go
We once battled through the storm

Some say I love you too much
Those words aren't entirely false
As I would give up my world for you
Even if all you can see are my faults

You've insulted me
Made me cry
Made me feel insignificant
At points made me want to die

But Its childish play
I know it too well
As before this time
I did all that as well

And over the years we may have drifted
I've become so small to you
You don't seem to care
The only words when you see me are
Shut up
Ending it with a glare

It really hurts me
even to this day
My feelings for you both
remain the same

Though I'm no longer the protector
The cool one who beat up your bullies
Or the smart one who helped you do homework
Or even the kind one who gave you sweets

After all these years
I thought you needed me
But it seems that
I'm the one who so desperately
Needs to be needed

She said you were malicious
To be weary when I see you
Due to the things that she heard
And the comments you made

She told me that there is hidden
Underlying ill intent
He’ll do anything to get to you
She said be careful when I went

Though I never could see it
Behind my rose tinted glasses
That can’t be it now I imagine
I haven’t worn them since our classes

My heartstrings have been tied
Securely attached to another
I care for you that is true
But for my boy I see no other

And when I see you again
That’s if we ever do
I’ll hug you like old friends
That’s just what we always do

Because in my heart you’re still the same
That strange boy that I once knew
And our past filters nostalgic feelings
Though the people we’ve become are all brand new

To that pedestal boy that I once wrote
Endless poems from my heart
Perhaps I’ll see you again someday
But it’s been better that we’re apart