It finally starts getting better. Context : when i left my resting place at the station i was grabbing my backpack and noticed 3 small spiders/ants on the top of the bag, immediate decision making time, brush them off (possibly injuring them and thus myself in the process), get a page from my notebook and try to lift them off the bag back onto the home ground (i felt lazy so didnt do this either) let it flow and let them live their own risks for getting in contact with me (this is the option i took). Tried to be careful when putting the bag on. got on train and recorded my previous poems from that day. Eyes closed thinking paranoid ego thoughts while trying to listen to music when all of a sudden i feel the touch on my left elbow, open eyes and look down, guess what it was one of the spiders/ants, it felt lovely and the physical sensation was totally unexpected and beautiful and snapped me out of my thought pattern, i mindfully didnt brush him off but saw him on my tshirt and the point where it intersected with my headphones wire, closed my eyes and tried to relax, was working, next thing he was just behind my left ear, raised my fingers to it but he didnt jump on board, then felt him again and did the same, then he went somewhere else and i lost contact (later i would wonder where his friends were and if all 3 sacrificed their home and maybe lives for me just because i was lazy? or would the one who survived in the new home of the train or where ever be ok?) Anyways i made it to my destination and met my friends who are getting married and their family and am happy to say have only had one or two paranoid thoughts since arriving so things are busy but ok, things are looking up and i havent been able to write any poetry since so might be quiet for a few days, cheers for reading

Context : lying in bed last night, analysing my day as i do every night before sleep. i came to realise i had had a great day, i was totally surrounded by my friends loving environment and responded involuntarily with the same (i think). I have experimenting with stream of consciousness talking for a few years now but have never thought or tried to apply it to my lifestyle (when non paranoid). I was especially impressed when the bride to be saved the life of an insect on the table and stated to me 'this is just for you' and she picked up the insect and set it free again outside. i realised maybe my presence here in this reality might be causing subtle changes in the vibrations of others around me (for good). Anyways i had edits for the first four words to be 'all body, mind, soul' but i don't think i have experienced this yet so it wouldn't be a true reflection of 'current moments'. Dear reader, i am curious and have a question for you...do you prefer my paranoid based poems (just comment with a 1) or my non paranoid poem(s) (just comment with a zero) cheers for reading, i am off to a wedding :-):-):-):-):-)

all these years of holding on to the hope that one day it gets better, but for me, it truly never did