i'm sorry

if you feel to lonely
let me be your friend
if you feel too closed off
let somebody in
if you feel like you’re not strong enough
get some weights and go to town
and smile at yourself
even when all you wanna do is frown

there’s power in a smile
but there’s no weakness in tears
realize that you’re small
but a giant compared to your fears
take small steps towards a mountain
then run the last lap to victory
expect more of yourself than people expect of you
you know goals better than any

somebody told me to reach for the stars
so i took them out of the sky and hid them in my broken heart
somebody told me that time heals all wounds
so all be waiting right here until i can finally be rid of these cuts and bruises

unloved
sent from above
don’t know what it is but she’s had enough of...
never free
of memories
just like her reflection
it’s not always what it seems
she wishes she could be free

my friend is suicidal
something i never thought i would say
until last year
i thought my life was perfect
but perfect is boring
and i'm full of excitement
i'm not saying i don't want her as a friend
i'm saying the opposite

brace yourselve
oh people
of fairytales and friends
it's time someone told you the truth
the face of you
oh people
who talks on your behalf
will never talk to you
there comes a time in your life
were people think they know you
but the truth is they speak for you
and never speak to you

i’m opening my eyes to see
everything i strive to be
this is how a hero flies

i need to change something about my communication
my friends think i'm mad at them

i stopped lying to myself and saying that you love me
why can't you do the same?
stop playing this game as if we can choose a winner
eat your dinner in the corner of the room and assume it's my fault
your plate caught on fire
admire love from afar
but with anger
get up close and personal
personally i'm over the whole think
i just want you to admit it
for me
admit that you stopped caring the first time you scream
admit you were wounded in the war for your family
and for gods sake
admit you were wrong
daddy

******* hole
in the chards of my heart

wondering will i ever be good enough

my life is a chore

adding on more and more

but that won't fill the void

watch your tongue
one wrong letter and your sentince can come down
and all the people involved will be nothing to you
or vice versa  

watch your tone
one out of pitch mix and you'll have yourself in a fix

watch your words little girl
that was your friend you almost knocked on the floor
she caught herself this time
but not anymore
God knows she watched your words before

catch me before i retrace my steps
start reading between the lines
hold me before i realize your arms
are not safe and warm like i thought
tell me you love me
like you love me
before i realize those words mean nothing to you but
nevertheless
nevertheless...

we still call it love
though you never made me feel like enough
and the truth is i'm over it
lying my way through this
she still calls it love
though pain is more welcome than us
and she never got over it
because that's just the way it is.

but i can't call it love
because i need to feel like enough
and i'm done
i'm over it
lying my way through this
and i finally see
that pain is more welcome than me
and i can't control any of it
and thats just the way i live
*and i'm done... i'm over it.

if you don't stand for something
you'll fall for anything

What happens to those kids you leave behind
The kids that you always made feel
Empty inside
You went on to collage
With your perfect little life
But what happened to your friend
When you left them with tears I their eyes

you tell me to be myself
well i am and you still don't believe me

What's your name stranger
Why can't I know
All I want is to be your friend
But you lie
And you don't trust ME enough to do so

So maybe I should do the same
Not trust you
Not love you
Lie to you
I don't care
But I don't have to respect you
That's not fair

what i say

i mean with the kindest of hearts

my love

is often mistaken for hate

because sometimes my visions spill out of my mouth when i see the life you’re trying to create

just take 

a look

but don’t look with your eyes

your eyes can’t see when your mind starts to fly

what i say

i say with an authority i shouldn’t have 

inhibition delivering me to my very well deserved state

teenage dream

but the dreams i have are controlled chaos 

nightmares that twist my rib cage towards the so desired truth

what i say

is the result of you trying to bleach me

teach me the truth that was passed down to greet me

wash me of my secret maturity

because its rude to stand up for what i believe in 
if what i believe in

is on the opposite end of a person over five years older than me

what i say 

is more than an everyday opinion 

i have washed that word from my vocabulary 

and protested it to no end
what i say

is not the result of the lack of thinking

it’s the result of admitting that the lack of thinking created this mess that we call

freedom of speech

and i know a little more of what it’s like

to become an object of a proven point

when your point has been proven by others

and you have to sharpen the edges for it to be seen as the same words

and i don’t know every scripture 
but i know that God is love

so why are those three words seen differently on Sunday morning out of a preachers mouth?

and i’m no republican (sorry daddy) but i know my God given rights
my country given rights
and my self given rights

but i no longer see that integrity in the cops we throw outside

and i dare say 
i am afraid of the american flag

because the fabric is being held against our mouths 
silencing us by giving us freedom

but if i brought these things up to you 

you wouldn’t understand

because you take part in the war

and don’t feel the land and it’s plans

70% of the people i know could tell me i’m wise

but when the time comes to talk i gotta sit on the sidelines
and watch people potentially ruin their lives 

because i’m 13

all i have to worry about are friendships 

and lies

and homework 

and guys

and i’m not downplaying these things

i’m just saying

a lot of adults have signed me up for wars

and told me i’m not ready for the training

but hey

what do i know

i’m only 13

but just because a cut is small

doesn’t mean it won’t bleed

and experience means nothing without integrity 

which is better than anything you could ever teach

so when i speak

someone is bound to listen to me

and to that one random person 

who i’ll probably never meet

thank you
for being a part of the solution

despite the fact 
that we’re only 13

and in case you were wondering about the other 30

in the percentage above
**
it’s my family

i know it's hard for you to understand
but i am who i am
and you can't change that
that's God's job

welcome to the nightmare in your head
-halestorm

because i'm broken when i'm open and i don't feel like i'm strong enough
-seether/amy lee

i'm kind of older than i was when i rebelled without a care
-lorde

but i'm only human and i bleed when i fall down
-Christina Perry

you can look me in the eye and tell me where to stand but when you're all stripped down you're just black and blue
-Carlie De Boer

when it feels like it's me against the world gotta get up and still fight, nothing's gonna stand in my way
-sammy

our only hope is Jesus
-Dara maclean

now watch what happens when you put it together

you can look me in the eye and tell me where to stand but when you're all stripped down you're just black and blue
and nobody is gonna tell you what you really need to do so

welcome to the nightmare in your head

i would help you but i can't

because i'm only human, and i bleed when i fall down

but i have to realize in situations

when it feels like it's me against the world, gotta get up and still fight, nothings gonna stand in my way

and yes

i'm kinda older than i was when i rebelled without a care

but the only way for some of us as humans to get to that point we have to realize

our only hope is jesus

here we are again
the same place we were in the beginning
i'm back to who i am
and you're back to thinking you're wining
thinking that i gave into your plan
but really
your giving into my plan
the plan to realize
just how and where i stand
i stand alone
without a life or a home
because you think
i'm just a child
and i should be left alone
there is no hope for me
and if you were in my mind
you would be crying
because of what you thought of me

who am i?
if i look in the mirror
what will i find?
i take the time
to distroy myself
but not enough to look at the scars
my story hides
in the memories

i am the stars that wish to be big as the moon
i am the maxed out heart that pretends to have room
i am the dreamer who can’t sleep no more
i am the build-a-bear that walks on it’s own
i’m the orphan child thats created a home
i am the one who asks herself what am i fighting for
i am
i am

who are you to tell me that i'm not good enough...

who are you to show me the light
when you pulled me into the darkness?

who are you to tell me what my dream is?

who are you to be there at the best of times?
where were you last night

why is it that you can't tell me you love me
cry for me
be there for me

she walked home everyday
when someone asked her "where you trying to go?"
she replied "i'm off to sing, for i hunger, the hunger of my soul"

she was a poetic little girl
everyday sat in the backgroun of bible study
until one day someone asked
who are you? where do you live?
with that she replied
"i am who i've always been. i live in a box, most of us do, i'm the only one out in the open with a sign"
will sing for food

they admired her for her poetic truth
she was more than just a troubled youth
but she sneaked out the back door
making everyone wonder "what did she really come to do?"

the next time she was seen walking
he stopped her on the street
"where are you headed mystery girl?"

"it's best that you don't follow me"

he went against her wishes
what else was he to do?
so he witnessed her sitting in her little box
with a sign

*will sing for food

I don't want you to miss me
I never wanted you to want me
In fact
I hope you're ten times the person you were with me

*without me

The difference between life and death
The difference between left and right
The difference between happy and sad
The difference between blindness and sight

what if she tipped over
would you still say you loved her
what if every time you looked her in the eye she cried
if you saw the real her with the scars on her thighs
would it make a difference if you tried
to look her in the eyes?

i can't see the regular imagination of a 12 year old
i can't see the brightness of the sun in the middle of the night
i can't talk about suicide
i can't think right
can someone help me
find something to write?

Its horrible that you can look into my eyes
And lie
Its horrible that its so easy for you to say
Goodbye
And all I want is to be able
To cry
But I can't

Because I'm exactly the same
Inside