1:27am
September 1st
I just read something I did not want to read
You feel useless
You feel like nothing
Please lover
Why didn't you tell me?
I am not an almost lover of yours
I am your lover
My heart beats only for you
You've given me a ring
That sits on my left hand
Placed in the only figure with a vane leading to my heart
Please lover
Why didn't you tell me you felt like giving up?
I am yours
And you are mine
I never ask you for anything
But I would like it if you told how you feel
Please lover
Is that too much to ask?
Dont be mute
1:27am
September 1st
I just read something I did not want to read
You feel useless
You feel like nothing
Please lover
Why didn't you tell me?

This distance between us
This broken heart of mine
This hole I keep feeling
Hurts me more then the blade
The blade I pierce into my wrist

I've been missing you
My hearts been missing
As well as my soul

You created me
Made the happy person I was
Then your lips opened
To the women whom carried you in her whom

I was weak
I couldn't handle the pressure
So I let go

But I've been missing you
My hearts been missing
As well as my soul

I'm feeling so small
My heart beat is too slow
My head achs

Such a shame
I can't get away
From all that noise and shatter

Where have you been?
It's unfair
Not having you here I mean
I know you can fix me

I'm trying
Too deal with the pain
But the blade keeps piercing
Piercing into my skin

Is this what you call happiness?
Where have you been?
Where have you been?
That question running through my mind
I dont understand
I dont know whom I'm asking
This anonymous someone
Come just a little bit closer
Your exactly what I need

I can't deny
I'll die without this
But I promise
I'm trying to deal with the pain

Living in fear
You are not here
Arms bleeding
Take my life
I don't care

Living in fear
You are not here
Knees to ground
I hate everything
It feels so cold

Living in fear
You are not here
Not going to bother
I'm screaming
Not one can hear

Living in fear
You are not hear
Wished I would die
Becoming a zombie
Broken dream are forgotten

Living in fear
You are not hear
Not moving on
I don't need to be hear
Life is regretful

My heart is pathetic
Why it still beats is a mystery
People don't understand
How much I hate myself
Or the way the thought of cutting my throat brings joy to me
I wish today was my last day
Oxygen is the enemy
Death is the beginning
I don't wanna go to heaven
Allow me to say hello to hell
So then I won't have to hurt myself
The demons with in me will burn me
Pain forever taking me
Soul painted black
My heart is pathetic

Once there was an old man
He had great fortune
Everything was handed to him
No matter what
He always got what he wanted
But he also had nothing

65 years to life
He lived alone
In the many homes he owned across the world
Married four times
And Luckily had one daughter
Unfortunately she hated him

65 years to life
He had cancer
He was dyeing
and was dyeing alone
He said "Its better dyeing alone. That way its quiet. That way you don't have to watch your loved ones watch you die. That is if you have loved ones."

With only weeks left to live
He told his nurse he wanted one thing before he left
He wanted to kiss the most beautiful girl in the world
His nurse only gawked at him
and asked "How do you plan on doing that?"
He didn't know, but he believed he would

Days left to live
He decides he wants to see his daughter one last time
Hoping and praying for the first time
That she'll see him

A door bell
sitting.. waiting
for him to ring
He reached slowly
Counts to three and then rings it
A girl of sun golden hair approaches
Right before she shuts the door without a word
A child of 5 years to life comes running in
She smiles up at him
He says nothing
and then kneels down and kisses her cheek as she hugs him
In that moment
He was infinite
In that moment
He was loved
In that moment
He wasn't alone
In that moment
He wasn't dyeing
In that moment
He was *The man who kissed the most beautiful girl in the world.

Remember your mistakes don't define you
Yes they hold you a hostage
Yes you'll be remembered by them
But only your future determinds what you'll be known by

Sometimes it's like my demons are battling
But only at night when I'm my tiredest
Sometimes they keep me awake
And other times they force me to sleep

I am sad
Sad to breath
Sad to have no one
Sad to be lost
Sad to be forgotten
Sad to have anger
Sad to be hurt

I am happy
Happy to live
Happy to have God
Happy to be free
Happy to wonder
Happy to not drink or smoke
Happy to be loved

I am almost free of my tragedy

She married for small prices of paper
Paper the color of green with numbers in the corners.

She did not marry for the way he laughed
Not because of how he helped others
Not because of the way he gazed into her eyes
Not because of how hard of a worker he was
Not because of how wonderful he was with kids
Not because of the way he warmed peoples hearts
Not even for the way he loved her

She married for small pieces of paper
Paper the color of green with numbers in the corners
But what about love?

She ripped a metal soda can
And used it to slit her wrist
Some thought it was odd what she used to committ suicide
I thought it was desperation for death

A girl sits

     *in a cell

One that she's made

     for herself

Her eyes closed

     and she dreams

For a better tomorrow

       one where she leaves

With no looks back

       *and she is free

I wish this poem was my life
Poems never die
When you write it
It eventually ends
But you can always reread it
Because it'll always be there

I wish this poem was my life
Poems never die
It's a page filled with words
And once words are said
You can't take them back
They don't die

I wish this poem was my life
Poems never die
It's like a tree
The roots are stuck in the ground
And branches spread out and wrap around us
Keeping us warm with a blanket of leaves

Oh that sweet warmth
Oh it's simply just so wonderful
There's no bitterness at all
It's simply a perfect warmth everyone desires

This poem is kind
This poem is gentle
This poem is warm

My like is cruel
My life is painful
My life is cold

I wish this poem was my life
**Poems never die

I don't remember friday night
I remember drinking
I remember telling people not to let anyone hurt me
Then I remember waking up with jeans on but no *******

Now I remember voices
Familiar voices telling me what happened
How those to guy went to the room I was passed out in
And took advantage of me

I'm tired of drinking and making mistakes
*Allow me to wake up from this horror

I have feelings
I have feelings
I have feelings*

Why don't you care?

What would happen if "mistakes" had no existence?

I'm burning in my own hell
Built of my own insanity

A place of darkness covers me inside
I open my eyes and see that black is painted, stained on these four walls
I was keeped close in a corner where my hands are found chained
Chained to the darkness
The darkness that shall not set me free

Why did you put me here?
I have done nothing wrong
Yes I've made mistakes and yes I am imperfect, but so are you

The darkness thickens and the chains tighten
I feel my insides burn in everlasting flames
I have not done wrong
I am true and loving

Pour water for me please
Break these chains for me please
Turn a light on for me please

Poetry is my voice when my lips deny my speech

Friable- because I was easily broken into many pieces

Insecure- because I'm ashamed of myself

Nepenthe- because I need it to make me forget all my grief and suffering

E**rlebnisse- because I was forced to live through terrible experiences

When you try to be sweet and kiss me ever so slowly

Once there was girl who locked herself in a world
A world filled with butterflies, ocean breezes and sunrise
She hides from reality

In her world it's only pure good
She lives in a castle
And spends her days riding unicorns
And swimming with dolphins

In reality she was touched inappropriately as a small girl
By a big man

Now she is 17 and is loved by a highschool crush
Oh and the big man
Sits in a cell with a even bigger man
Who does to him what he did to that little girl

As much as I hate to admit
Long ago
In chapters far before this one
I was addicted
And let's not forget
How much I miss the
Oh so wonderful taste
Of alcohol lingering in my mouth

Drowning the sorrows of a crumbled heart
There sits a lonesome being
Moments of disasters stacked upon each other
There is now a building made of broken passion

But even then under all the chaos hope still flames
There is a fire of furriery that burns of strength and courage
The two keys to a better life
The two keys that will bring a being to an adventure to a happy life

School is like a jungle
Walking down paths with large trees in your way
I hate it
Like the stars hate the moon for being noticed before they are

The worst part is sitting in class
The males act like lions
Staring at me as if I'm their pray
Like I'm but something that is used to satisfy them

But the even worse part of school
Is when a student gets a text from their parents
They'll complain about it
Like their no grateful to have a parent who cares enough to check up on them

People never really know how lucky they are
Unlike me
I just sit on the side
Wishing and dreaming I had someone who cares

Let's not think about our days of noise and shatter
lets all take a moment and just breath
breath in the future
exahle the past
and seek
seek a dream
and seek a great perhaps

I've learned that God will take if you don't appreciate.

You never fail to disappoint me

Everyday you remind me that I hate you even more than I did the day before

Your a pathetic excuse for a father

          *and I will be nothing like you