No one will truly understand
Understand the real me .
As I stand looking in the mirror
At this broken figure
Water flowing out the eyes & as Depression flees from the scene .
Laying down looking at marks on this washed up soul next to me & thinking screaming someone help
Oh help me from this pain as my life is in jeopardy , just watching this 3 inch razor come closer to then rescue me from this shattered pain .
Oh this life I live I'm sick & tired of it criticism , lies , heartbreak .. just why?
Family friends all against me what did I do ? Did I not love all of you equally as I once loved myself ... but it's too late to save a whole state from my ruptured soul I call my depression state..
                                          ~chilled

It hurts & burns sooo much ; honestly can't take it anymore .
I'm all alone with no one to look upon no one to count on or shoulder to cry on ; everything hurts as my knees hit the ground & my head falls back & these tears flow down my face to my neck .
I scream & shout as the voices get louder so do I ; but it's the last straw holding his head as he rest on the door knocking it hard .
Have you ever seen a child cry so much , have you ever heard a scream so loud ? Begging for help ...
Cries himself to sleep each night fakes smiles each day , deep thoughts everyday & it finally took him away;
He never woke back up as he was killed by his own thoughts  & child's play but what can you say to someone who goes through a bigger & harder situation everyday
"Everything will be okay one day " nah it just gets harder & sooner or later it'll **** you & you'll just fade away ...... like he did on this day

                         ~Chilled

This confusion has me going mad , as I sit, music up loud as I drown in my thoughts as this cloud of Pain follows straight into my dark moulded soul filled with screams & cries of help ; this good heart he once had would just melt giving up on everything with glad .Everyone left him but he's not surprised he's used to it & allowed himself to just confide in his own hurt ; funny thing is he gave his all & thought he actually had friends & family who cared but then they left one by one now having a beware sign on his neck .....
Yes he acts up & changes at times but do you know his story did you realize his struggles & sacrifices made just to be here today ; his fight just to stay sane & keep that crooked smile on his face & keep the "are you ok?"questions away.
Try meeting him talking to me , struggled mind twisted thoughts ; this he decrees that one day it'll all be fine & a smile to wake up & sleep to will be brighter than a new dime & he'll be cherished better than life itself ...


        This poem isn't for those of small minds but open & comprehensive.      ~Chilled

Do you know the true meaning of sleepless nights ? It's not staying up watching tv & on your phone ; it's drowning deep in thoughts all alone , having nightmares when your eyes shut & fighting back tears.
Sitting up or laying down thinking you overcame them but just encounter new fears , heartaches , depression & maybe a life at stake .
Ever just stared at the ceiling or stars ,wanting to be up there ? Free from mistakes & bypassing thoughts of death as these sleepless nights then become routine & the screams grow louder in protest for you to give up & in to this not thick but thin life.
These oh so sleepless nights are dreadful & exhausting physically & emotionally but when it happens all you can do is hope to sleep again .
  
                                    ~Chilled

I've tried time & time again ,
Tried making everything right.
Tried fighting the good fight  in myself , thinking it'll all be okay ;thinking that one day you'll love me for me or even love that I'm all about being alone then actually committing to somebody...
I live this dark struggle of life struggling mother, no father , unexplained ailments & falling disorders ; this life will never be easy as I try cry & pretend to be happy when I'm just dying inside hoping to go on one day to world of spirits but I'm not gonna quit until I feel happy
Happy not only for me but those around me & that the right one will find me & Turn these dark struggles into dust lines & calm that rough storm brewing inside of me ...
                                        ~Chilled