Everyday life and routine, is simple.
But the beautiful smiles you see on someone's face.
The little bird playing in the water after it rains.
An amazing breeze that passes by and you smell the sweetness from a flower. The millions of things we miss day by day by our simple routine are extraordinary when we come to be able to see them.
The wonderful life we have that may become dull around us, is so magical in the background with the small things we don't see.

Slowly, she scraped and saved and sighed
over all she had left
and she realized the little love she had left
wouldn't be enough
she could never, would never afford
the cost of her heart

show her all my words.
complain that i've really outdone myself this time, that i've officially broken you into a thousand pieces.
but you know that it isn't me and that as much as the past attributed to so much of the anxiety i feel on a daily basis in so many parts of my life that i feel defective and sometimes want to die because of, i bear you and no one else no ill will.
but i don't doubt that by now all my words and all my truth have been passed on to her screen, and that you feel i'm out to get you.
i'm doing what i should've done a long time ago, protecting myself and my happiness.
i won't let you, unable to let go of something that happened in the past and ended for good reason, tear me up over something that any unselfish person would let go of for the sake of the sanity of those others involved.
i won't let my anxiety and insecurities, half of which are caused by you, ruin my relationship.
i won't let this rule my life.
and you shouldn't either. it isn't healthy. and i'm nice enough to not feel the need to constantly be depressed and upset and blame you or myself about what happened. because i'm actively trying to fix things and move on in as healthy a way as i can.
so tell her, show her all my words if that will console your conscience. i don't care. i lost her because of you anyways, but unlike you, we ended on good, civil, and honestly heartwarming terms, and i still check in on her anonymously to make sure shes doing okay. because i know she's not toxic.
i had just hoped at this point you would care enough about you and your acquiantances to make your problems just that; yours, and yours alone.
but show her, if it brings you comfort.
and while you're at it, tell her i say hi, and good luck in college. i know she'll be massively successful, and i believe in her every step of her journey.
and the same goes to you.
just fix yourself.

this is how I
picture a moment with
her,
whomever
she may be:

we sit on the bed,
talking.

our eyes meet.
our eager mouths lock together
slowly.
our tongues dance
to an unplanned routine.

our hands
slowly and passionately caress
each other’s bodies
that hold our souls together.

our breathing heavier
by the second
with no sign of stopping
our chests heaving down
to our stomachs
as though
we are pulling for
the gradual peak
of ecstasy
with each breath

piece by piece
we strip off our clothes
and we are bare
vulnerable
raw
our guards are down

facing each other
the space between us
becomes absent...

I kiss and inhale
her *****
our lips downstairs
brush against each other
creating friction

she climaxes and
lets out an
******
cry
that is sweet
impassioned
music
to my ears

I ******
let out a
vehement breath
of relief.

we are both
wet.
flooding
with pleasure.

entangled together…
our eyelids shut,
and our hearts
are
full.

How I long to
grace her hips,
full of love and desire.

I want pull her in, slowly
like a tender lover would.
Then I'd gently hold
her face--
and tell her that I'm in love
with her.

But alas,
this is merely
a fantasy...
one which will never meet
the expectations
of those around her.