For too many years I’ve been an unwilling host
To an invader inside my head
A parasite
See, the thing about a parasite?
It’s magnificent at hiding
It starts out small, undetectable
Worming its way inside your body, your mind
But this microscopic monster starts to feed off you
Eating away your existence from the inside out
Tearing through your flesh with its piercing teeth
Flooding your brain with searing poison
It releases its young to metastasize the damage
By the time you have an inkling of the war raging inside
This army has grown by hundreds, thousands
And they have nuked the battleground, leaving nothing behind.
My parasite may be called depression but it works just the same
Starting off in the shadows
Silently entering your mind
Feeding off your suffering
Injecting you with its lies
“You are worthless”
“You’re a burden”
“You don’t belong on this earth”
These lies grow in numbers, destroying every inch of happiness
Until you see the lies as truth in your corrupted lens
You are filled with an unwavering dread
Crippled by an interminable loneliness
And you are at the mercy of this ruthless being
Then you go days without sleeping
Days without feeling
Arms covered in red slashes to at least feel something
The world starts spinning faster, but you’re still stuck in slow motion
You want someone to hear your silent screams
But your presence has become microscopic, invisible
And how do you put into words what even you can’t understand?
So the darkness consumes you until you’re nothing but an empty shell
A ghost of a human being
Going through the motions of life while no longer living
And all you plead for is the pain to cease
So you drown in a sea of pills and pray it’s enough to send you into eternal slumber.
I may have raised the white flag on my battle
But I was saved before my soul could flee this earth
And I am grateful for each breath I still take
But this war is far from over
My parasite may have been pacified yet it still remains
Silently pulling the strings in the background
And each day I fear it will again grow too strong
And conquer the battlefield of my mangled mind.

I've collected an endless string of bad decisions
Weaving and connecting into a strand of self pity
Entangling myself in my web of destruction
I have hidden the rope away in the dusty attic of my mind
Inhaling to haze the room so it may no longer be seen
But my continuous misdeeds have loomed over
my string has evolved into a noose
Unaware my own hands have done the tying
Suffocating anyone who comes in contact
Tempting me to seal my grim fate
I wallow in despair and wonder how this could have happened
and my stinging palms open to reveal the mark of rope burn
A rude awakening of what my choices have become
A reminder of the misery I have brought upon myself
But I will no longer be prisoner to the anguish of my past
I will no longer be oblivious to the impact of my actions
I will take back my tomorrow
and unravel the knot of my wrongdoings.

A cheerful breeze bellows in my longing heart
A warm reminder of fading wounds
Wounds I formerly left raw and reeling
My hope emits sunbeams reflecting on the calm waves
Hope of my newfound strength that will conquer the waters once they stir again
And faith that I may become whole once again
I sit and think of my days as a trench
A pitfall of hopeless negativity
I look back to my sorrowful anger and smile
As my devastation became my strength
For I am no longer a trap for the pain to fall into
I am a mountain, standing tall and proud