I’m crying
Lemme call you
Why aren’t you picking up?

You’re crying
I answer first ring
I drop everything
I help you

I text you
Left on delivered
Why aren’t you listening to me

You text me
I’m already on the way

I’m crying
I texted him
He answered immediately
He called me
He listened to me cry
He made me laugh
He stayed on the line
I’m falling asleep

I finally have peace

You’re screaming
Your calling me
You’re yelling
I’m not answering

He’s still on the line. I finally have peace, I’m almost asleep

You’re still screaming
And I hear my call go
Beep. Beep. Beep

No more peace. Now I’m awake.
I can’t go to sleep.

And the messed up part is....

You didn’t event want anything.

Half past mid night,
Been up since before first light,
Can not get over this fright,
Can not take another fight,

This can not be " a we"
Fights, frights and late nights,
Last night,
And again when it was first light,

Loveless life,
Even on beautiful starry nights,
Not even worth the "we" time
We can no longer be intertwined,

Another starry night,
Another frightful fight,
Frights, fights every single night,
Tonight I fight one last fight!

I would say to thee that still live;
This world is not my home,
I’m just passing on by,
And if my time is up,
And on ice is where I now rest,
I hope this gift called life I lived to be my very best,

I hope my memory brings summer where death brings winter,
And my smile lights you up when grief brings darkness,
I hope the times we shared become treasures for which you care,
And laughter may be a thing you all now share,

This world is not your home,
One day you too will call this casket home,
All that you own means nothing after they lay you to rest,
And you will only be remembered for how you handled life's test.

In any time zone I no longer exist,
But you do; and,
I hope you are kind to one another,
That you shine your light in this world that is as cold as the ice I now call my bed,
I hope you lift each other up,
And love each other as deeply as Our Heavenly Father commanded,

I hope you live in the moment;
Like the lilies of the field that that labor not & spin not
I hope you live in gratitude;
And be content in every season no matter what
I hope you live in truth, nobility & righteousness
And think only about the goodness of this life
I hope that you share in others troubles;
And remember the He gives you all the strength that you need,
I hope that you do not seek to posses what this earth has to give,
And that you always practice selflessness as our beloved Christ did,

And finally, my loved ones,
Just like I did, I hope you too choose to live a life filled with laughter;
And that  joy & happiness you never seize to seek!

My home is now in your hearts,
And there I shall always live!

I can not be loving you like this,
Forgetting to let my heart beat,
And constantly wondering what you need,

Or feel,
I’m losing me,
Alone fighting for us in this quicksand you told me was called love!

I can not be loving you like this,
Feeling like I am losing a little part of me,
With each skipped beat from a heart that no longer wants to feel,

I can not be loving you like this,
Dreaming dreams I will never live,
And grasping onto pieces of our sinking ship!

Or feeling;
Like I am alone roaming this earth
Living in the memories of our last kiss

I can not be loving you like this,
Wishing you were here kissing my lips,
And living in a castle that we will never build!

Or losing,
Me, while I seek thee,
In your world where you see all but me,

I simply can not go on;
Loving you,
No, not like this!

I can not feel,
When you standing there smiling at me,
I can not be loving you, no not like this!

I looked up and there was a Greek god,
Standing behind the glass door,
My heart nearly stopped,
As he walked towards this marble desk,
I tried to speak but there were no words left,
Betrayed by my tongue is how I felt.

He looks just like Poseidon,
Standing there drenched in his own sweat,
I might need to ***** my brain back on,
Because right now we are by the water shore,
Holding hands and counting stars,
Suddenly I see life and its full of color,

My thoughts are scattered,
In me he has stirred a hurricane,
I imagine he has a beautiful name,
One fit for a god looking face,
He has me feeling like I am in a fast paced race
I might need a pacemaker if I keep up with this gaze,

My wondering mind stays on the water shore,
Kissing,dancing and commanding the sea,
In our Hawaiian shirts, flip flops and white shorts,
My big flowy hat and his three pointed trident,
My mind has hidden treasure,
A thousand thoughts of guilty pleasures!

Sunday morning means ghost town lobbies,
No barking dogs or cracking of doors,
It’s just me; playing with my blue inked pen,
Hiding behind this glass fortress,
Trying to write away my sadness,

I like to walk through my graveyard of unfulfilled dreams,
And listen to my breaking heart that grieves in silence,
Loneliness comforts me, its stays with me,
As I walk through what was or could have been,
Beautiful Sunday morning, I should be living the dream,

Yet, mascara paints my face,
A dark shade of grey that matches what I feel,
This high-ceiling glass fortress allows me to pace,
As I try to make my way through my thought maze,  
And the strong marble desk holds my hands up to my crying face,

Life is a journey, not a race,
This summer sun shouldn’t make my heart break,
Am grateful for that that only the ghosts reside in this morning hour,
They comfort me in knowing that perhaps there is more to this place,
And smile at me when they see my true face,  
They embrace the sadness my smile tries to erase,
Just few more minutes before I have to wear a mask on my face,
Before I have to smile and lie that I am Okay!