Full Knowledge

I need to find some where to de-stress , to hide
Before I break, and leave this side
I feel the noose, it's lowering
I see the shadows it's throwing
Images of things to come
When finally pushed beyond, and I succumb
A few more inches
Skin slightly flinches
Soon to be around my neck
Doesn't matter,  we're but specks
Why continue to balance on the razor edge
When you have full knowledge
Tomorrow will be no better than today
And today was worse than yesterday

Copyright: Pauline Russell   10-5-16

You can call me a Saint,  you can call me the devil
But at lest my head is on nice and level

Yours was not
It was in the wrong spot
It was leaning to one side
You where looking at me kinda snide
I got tired of you showing nothing but scoff
So I chopped it off

With your head now planted firmly on my lap
Lips no longer continually flap
I'll sit and enjoy the silence,  petting you like the Cheshire Cat
Making sure your eyes are turned, enjoy the view of where your body fell flat

Copyright: Pauline Russell   10-5-16

Lying on my bed watching the fan move the skeletons around in my closet
I look over to the TV where my Raggedy Ann sits
A pretty little thing, but she's missing an arm
Can't help but think, like me a few parts are gone
Yet some how here we both still remain
Still existing, but never to be the same
The one that gave her to me never noticed what was wrong
She over looked Raggedy Ann's missing arm
I can only hope, most see me like my friend did Raggedy
Not for what I am, a crushed broken tragedy

I sit and wail
As memories of you swell
Threating to bring down the wall
As I remember your final fall

You fell right through my out stretched arms
I could not save you from your demons harm
I could not bring you back to me
Now your memories is all I have to see

I was so angry you left me here all alone
This cut is deep, right to the bone
A wound that will never heal, never become just a scar
As you now dwell amongst the stars

Now I find, I turn my eyes to the midnight sky
The tears rolling quickly and quietly as I cry
I'm searching for something left by you
A shooting star, a comet, a clue
Just to let me know your okay, that you made it through

That would make it worth our final good bye
Maybe then my tears would subside
Maybe then they would turn to silent sighs
But the pain will always be with me that is true
For my dearest friend, I will forever miss you

Till we meet again on the other side
There's one thing that will never die
It is constant, it will always be the same
My love for you will always remain

I lie and watch her as she sleeps
It's then I see her soul truly weep
You can tell by the way in which she moves
She has seen more than her fair share of abuse

She is always curled into the tightest ball
Arms covering her head, waiting for the fall
To many times awoken with angry fist
This is the way her body was always kissed
Cries of No echoing, disturb her silent night
As in her dreams, again she puts up a fight

The morning sun brings no sign of relief
Staggering under the weight of all the grief
Some days she can hide it all so well
Cheery voice, plastered smile no one can tell
But most days it only thunders, only storms
As emotions ripp through her like razor thorns

She whispers when she thinks no one can hear
"I'm so tired of feeling like this for so many years
Way beneath the surface... a lot more agony no one can see
Like an iceberg lost and floating, that is me"

I gently touch and wake her up, masking what's within my eyes
Yes, I wear my own disguise
Her beautiful essence hypnotized as it taunts
I'm scared of these feelings I don't want

Terrified one day she will just disappear
Falling forever through her darkened atmosphere
I don't know what to do, her eyes desperately pleads, "don't give up"
I fear I'm not even close to good enough
But she already tied my heart to hers with diamond tread
So I'll hold this bleeding angel that graces my bed

Slow down don't be so rushed
Soon enough your life will be hushed
Take some time to look around
There is infinite things to be found

Don't get so caught up in the day to day
That you don't take a second to break away
Just a simple small glance
To see, what you can see perchance

This universe holds infinite power
Just take a look at the smallest flower
Thin lines of color precisely placed  
Upon it's delicate tiny face

All that is required is a closer look
For experiences to open like a book
So when your feeling like your about to drown
Stop and take a closer look around
You will be amazed at what seems new
Simply from a second view

This world is filled with to much pain
Like a vampire it just ***** and drains
It's hard to stand tall under all the strain
I find myself once more sinking below
Like hot molten tar, it won't let me go

Despair spreading faster than a cancer
For all my questions there is no answer
I really don't know what the **** to do
As my soul is ripped in two

My tears keep sliding the mask down my face
As misery and sorrow interlace
Everywhere I go I leave a river of anguish behind
As memories of my life, flood my mind

It'd leave you terrified if you could look and find
All the things that I do hide
Behind my fake facade
For I am much more than odd

For I am the definition of sorrow
Of all things hollow
Painted with the brush of dark mystery
I am the picture of misery
I'm the cautionary tale
The elders, use to exhale
I am the woeful song
That in this world doesn't belong

Down into the belly of the earth
Burned to the core to prove my worth
Cleansed or consumed,  we'll soon know the end to my story
Whatever the outcome, there will be no glory
This universe is in full ******* control
Watch as it pushes me deeper down below