At age 3
I began to see
That the world wasnt as kind
As it first seemed to be
I'd wake up to his voice
Loud and unrelenting
And I'd cry until
My eyes were dry
At age 5
I became sad
And tired
Losing the only friend I had
For my dog died
And could no longer protect me
So I cried
Until my eyes were dry
And every night after
I'd stay awake
Watching the cars drive by
My window
All night
Wishing once more
That she could be asleep
By my side
At age 8
We moved to a new place
And for a little while
Things were at peace
We lived in a campground
In a tent
Surrounded by other people
Some who I called friend
That was until
My friend split her head
And I watched her bleed
Unable to breath
Yet I was punished
And no longer able to see
The friend she had come to be
At age 9
Things fell apart
All because
He told me for the first time
That he loved me
But it was all lies
As he'd sneak into my room
Late at night
And steal the light
From my eyes
At this time
I also began to
Not wanna eat
Because
If I made myself
Skinny and sick
Maybe he wouldnt
Comment on my body
At age 10
I became the me
That I wish never became
Reality
I started to harm my skin
Hoping to bleed
So that the only reason
I was bleeding
Wasn't because of him
At age 11
My classmates
Started to ask me
Why I was always
Spending all day
Locked away
In the nurse's office
I would always just say
Oh
I'm just tired today
But the truth is that
I'd come to school
Crying everyday
And couldn't function
So they'd hide me away
At age 12
I ran away
They didn't even notice
That I was gone the entire
Beggining of the day
When I was found
I was yelled at
And called selfish
So that night
I tried to end my life
I didn't succeed
And after a bit
I started dating
People online
I was groomed
And used
And abused
But atleast someone
Wanted me
At age 13
I could no longer be
Living for the purpose
Of being for him
So I told my brother
Who betrayed me
I told my mom
Who decided
That it was me
Who had to leave
She'd visit me
Once a week
And always update
HIM
On me
So I started to change myself
So he couldn't possibly picture
Who I'd come to be
With this new family
And so that
The person who ***** me
Would no longer be attracted
To the person
They'd now see
At age 14
I started to change even more
For it didn't feel like enough
To me
And I didn't want to be recognized
If he were
To see me
Later that year
My mom also asked me
To once again
Come be with her
And live in a new place
It felt like a dream
Like everything would be okay
And I could live with a real parent
But I soon learned
That biological
Doesn't mean real
At age 15
He came back
Into the house
Into my life
And my home
Turned into
A cold dark
Nightmare
All over again
But I just told myself
That it was just that
A nightmare
It wasn't real
And I began to let myself
Be used
By partners
My body was the only thing on me
That people would love me for
So why not use it
Near the end of the year
I moved in
With someone
I didn't even think I loved
But he cared for me
And he liked my body
At age 16
I knew I loved him
And I always would
For he took care of me
And did his best
To shield me from all the bad people
That would harm me
Even though sometimes
He couldn't handle
What it meant to be
In love with me
And I began to learn
That I was more than my body
But then
I was also once again
***** by another
Who was supposed to be
A new friend
Now we are here
At age 17
I was put into an abusive
Foster home
And had to call the police
After walking to a gas station
For 2 hours
At 1 AM
I ended up
Back at my moms
At a place
Where I never feel safe
I was ***** by
Another two
People
One who I loved
And felt the most safe with
In such a long while
And another
Who was just supposed to be
A friend
I've been touched
Another two times
By someone my mom
Decided to be with
And decided to date
After she knew
She still stayed
With him
But now I'm at my end
Because
I can't get the feeling
Of his hands
Off of me
Jan/21/2022