My British husband and I were visiting his folks in London on 9/11/01.  It was afternoon and we were in St Pancras tube station when I caught the tail end of a news crawl moving across the wall. I said “ mmm…looks like there’s been a plane crash somewhere", and we went on about our shopping excursion.

After choosing a model car in a toy shop a little later, we went to pay and the young clerk I spoke to said “Did you hear about the planes that hit the skyscrapers and made them fall down?”  That didn’t make any sense, and I wasn't sure I understood his East End accent so I just said, “No we didn’t - guess we should check the news” and we walked out.  As we went out, I said, “I guess another little plane hit the Empire state Building, but it certainly wouldn’t fall down.”  

However, on the tube on the way home, we overheard bits of conversation that frightened us, so we rushed in and turned on the TV, where they replayed every terrible scene over and over for the rest of the day.

We were glued to the Telly for the next 3 days for round-the-clock coverage.

When we finally ventured out and anyone heard my American accent, I was immediately hugged and told how sorry they were to see this happen.  This continued for the following three weeks of our stay.  Never anything but sympathy and kindness towards me and America. I’ll never forget it.

I wonder if we were so caring when Irish terrorists previously bombed Harrods.  I somehow doubt it.  The other thing I will never forget is the burning hatred that welled up in me for Sadam Hussein who was named at the time as being responsible. I had never before or since felt such virulent loathing for any one or anything.  When those thoughts threaten to resurface today, I shush them away by recalling the overwhelming kindness of the ordinary English folk towards me.  I will never forget that.

I saw Ground Zero shortly afterwards, and the hatred resurfaced, as  it does in some measure on every September 11. On those times I again turn to my memories of British kindness.
                                                                              ljm

Let it be open
So the love can flow
Let it burn through
And leave
An indelible mark
On your soul.

“where summer’s bronzes dull and sink”

the trees are like
wet coat hangers,
holding up the leaves,

my cat is frosty like
an october morn,
sleeping on the sill,

everything is dripping
like a wet pair of
jeans taken out of the wash,

the sky wears its greys
of cloud, dim and dramatic
it opens summer eyes.

the stream is a pretty
mirror, the sky, sweet
sister to the moon,
slumbers in her
arbour where roses
flower mightily, in
love with the night
and the cloud.

I have this calling from the depths of my soul
in my heart
I cry
I want my mommy!!
but when i think back to my own mom
i shudder
i would never wanna be in her cruel arms again
and than it hits me
I want that safe place of home
when I see the little ones in my nursery
with their parents
it pinches the pain so deep within me
the essence of me
that when I tap in
she's just bunched up in a ball
crying sobbing on the floor
wanting longing
a longing so deep
that it never goes away
that no matter how much life tried to break me
I always got up
rose up
and kept on pushing harder
the amount of chronic illness and pain
and suffering that i have endured
since i was a child
is so much
and honestly it still feels so so hard
it seems all i do is cry
and ball
I saw some videos on the news today
of these boys beating a child
and I thought its horrific but doesn't suprise me
I have seen so many shades of the horrific cruelty of this world
I always say the fact that I am alive
is literally a miracle
because the low places I've been to in my life
are so horrific it hurts to talk about
so taboo
that people shudder from it
I think that if we talk about taboos more
in safe places
they would happen less
and the ones who are crying in pain
endlessly for years
would get help faster
that's what I would tell my younger self
that "who you are is a miracle
and even though today and the past few days
I felt like I wanted to **** myself again...
I took a deep breath
looked at the beautiful pieces in my life
and worked on healing myself
and loving myself
in my pain,
in my so called "darkness"
this girl
told me that I have a darkness to me
I guess to others
being dark
means being real
means having big emotions
I see my big emotions as treasures
I feel like I can experience so much more joy
because of the levels of pain
I have had in my life
sometimes emerging from the fires of life
is painful
but its still beautiful.
i got a fake tattoo of a dragonfly today
which told me to enjoy the small moments
of when I look into a child's eyes
and they teach me about presence
about joy
about the joy
of just living of just being alive
I am working towards that
of just loving being alive
because for far too long
and still now at times
I hate being alive
but I wanna love it
sometimes,
for I still believe hope
is the most powerful
but daunting  at times but beautiful
thing on this planet earth.

He gathers them all in his arms then drops them to the ground,  
the air is fresh, the autumn breeze is like a gentle kiss upon our cheeks.
To my heart he sends his voice booming with fall messages.
Little gifties from heaven I called them as they swiveled down my feet.
Precious crisp leaves each one with a personality and color of its own.
He flies up then lands on a pile of leaflets, a peel of laughter escapes.  
He's my sibling, my bro, my partner in crime, my confident one .
Together we dream as one beneath a lapis blue sky, tinged as deep  
as  his superman suit.  Oh how I remember my youth, and my hero !
                                                        **
Align your rulers adjust your lenses step into the future with me.  
Today even the touch of one leaf or the scent of one Autumn day,
can bring me back to those golden years when we were young, carefree.
Gifties from heaven that they were and he, a segment of my soul.
Together we dreamed beneath a Lapis blue sky until our childhood
ended, and then Superman had to fly home.