how wonderful
would it be
to be able to skin myself alive
to drop the weary leather that holds my bones together
and miss a few days, months
years
in the span of a night

i hate this
tumult of emotion
this primordial cordial of something and maybe and
never and could be.
it is dark 
chocolate
bittersweet and sour as it pools on my tongue and slithers down down into my throat and lodges there
solidified into a churning mass of
it will never be the same and regret and guilty
relief.
A single loss of
gilt jewel 
and a single loose word spilled 
from a mouth and
a cog is thrown 
out of orbit and into
the dissonance that it has caused.
a decision made
logically but painfully
with a wound that thuds slowly, knock knock knock
against my chest
not acute, no
more like 
a bruise 
a reminder that i am not as
mournful as i
should be
and that change, that hated, cursed change, 
has occurred.

A little fox,
two mice,
a white cat,
a chick
and a tiny bat

accompany
our way

and even if we stray
again

they'll find us

and- with paws and fur and tiny noses-

redirect

our clumsy
human feet.

The summer rains
Bring nothing to me
but a content
melancholy.
I sit and gaze
Upon them, unfazed
and wonder what to think.

Today it rains
Just like yesterday and
I can't hear the rainfall
Through the closed windows
But I'll gaze through them
and wonder what
the fog might feel like
as it ghosts through my fingertips.

i have an exit plan.
hush
it's for emergencies only
I'll never use it
who knows?
but I'll keep it there
gently now-
a building shy of too short
a secret resting low in my pocket
a couple of pastilles bright
in the palm of my too-steady hand

the departure may be too sudden-
barely a breeze and a sigh before I leave-
but I rest assured that my mind's ensured
by the choice
the exit
my desired desire path

for if it's ever just too much
and tired becomes too weary to smile
i know I'll have the choice
to take a little time
and sit in front of my exit for a while

i don't think anybody sees it in my eyes
it's probably why all those others will cry
but I'll be safe and sound-
Yes, but it all comes 'round!
and im not that selfish of a guy

so I'll cradle my exit to my chest
ill grit my well worn teeth and do my best
ill struggle through
and ill trudge through the rest
and ill smile, smile, smile, and laugh
with hateful pleasantries and pleasant hate
a bright new day to exacerbate
the itch of joy and the soreness of pain
and once in a while
the heavy rain

and when my fingers slip
from the weight of it all
I'll keep smiling
I'll keep laughing
I know that there's an exit,

after all.