How can tehy not hear him?
he cries every night
a mad smudgy cry
How can they not hear?'

How can thet not see
his poker face?
he's putting up emtions
to keep others displaced.
How can they not see?

He never stops his cry
even when you check
How can you be so blind?
How can you not react?

How long can piece last
in a valley where havoc reined
where wanders get lost
hopefully a long time
hopefully forever
but don’t answer
anticipation ruins everything
even if you’ve waited forever

Is thirteen too young
to write with abandon
to publish work
to thirst for new words
to gaze with no purpose
to get lost in your own head
am I to young for poetry

Yes, I am still alive.
but I
no longer enjoy
the senation of
air entering
my lungs

I just want to lie here
but you signal a new day
I try to shut you out
in every possible way

I pull the covers above my head
I bury my face in the bed.
I clamp my eyes closed,
yet you make me sleep in throws.

I will not wake to a new day
as hopeless as the rest
I do not want to see the sunrise
please just let it set

I do not want to wake
just to see my hands shake
just to see my soul break
I have nothing of this day to make.

Please just let me lie here
as the sun streams in
Please just let me cry here
as the sun streams in

If nothin else therapy
reminds me that I am still
a broken piece of a bowl,
that needs someone else to fix it

I fall over something
my head hits the wall
the thought in my brain
turn sideways
and lose their balance
I’m stuck on the ground
suddenly I remember
people are watching
so stand back up
and walk away
without any direction
what a public display of pain

I’m just trying to push
the hurt out through my veins

I’m just trying to
bleed and bruise my way out

I’m just wondering if
I can make my pain physical and valid

My imagination is temperamental
constantly brewing new ideas
sometimes this ends
in volatile circumstances
and I’m shut out
sometimes I have
to remind my imagination to calm down
but the anxiety doesn’t agree

I’m still a liar
I still lie to you
it doesn’t matter
when, why, or who
I’m still working
on trusting others
but I’m really just
learning to trust myself

I felt happy
for the first time
in a long time
I was at best buddies
frosting cookies
talking
then suddenly
I realized I felt happy
happy is a language between strangers
happy is singing songs
out of tune and not caring
happy is knowing
that you’re loved
happy is the unexpected
you cannot set a trap for it

i take my ant-depressaints dry
the move down my throat
unwillingly
chalkly in my mouth
and sticky in my throat
sticking there.
taking it dry is a punishment for taking the pill at all

These words are my veins on the page
I’ve pulled them out with a pen
taking care not to break them or bleed them
just for this poem

These metaphors are my skin
simply a sheet to hide the true meaning
I’ve made sure not to damage the layers
just for this poem

These similes are my hair
woven into different shapes
I got the whole hair, by the roots
just for this poem

This ink is my blood and tears
a mixture so fine it never bleeds on the page
I’ve mixed them both together
just for this poem

Just for this poem
I will give give my body
just for the last drop of ink
I will give you all my blood

Late to the party
punctual to class
not goody two shoes
but still do not laugh
don’t take risks
because parents are strict
always worried about the box
will I fit inside
they want me normal
but
       I’m
              just
                      STRANGE

the owl watches
quiet
a sentinel  
its eyes
flashlights in the darkness
its wings
its feathery cloak
its talons
the weapon of choice

energy cannot be created or destoryed,
is violence bound by that as well?
or is it a chain of
equal and oppisite reactions passed*
from person to person.
abstract in glances and words,
but becoming tangible in a fist or a kick.

please let my agression stay abstract.

footprints on the beach
they intersow the sand
if people are smart
that is all they’ll leave behind  
no bottle caps on the shore
no bags in the trees
among the branches and leaves
no plastic inside fish
no matter who you are
you can make this wish true

The letters I wrote you
they’re left unsaid
most of them living in my head
will you ever read them?

The letters I wrote you
of pain and hardship
of me all alone
what did I write, those late nights?

The letters I wrote you
who were they for?
were they for you or me?

leaves fall like rain
dancing in the wind
cover yourself
make a cloak of them
then run
let the leaves trail behind you
let them fall off
let them go
you don’t have to hold onto things forever

Love is like an ember
Burning in the fire
It’s something that's remembered
Something that’s transpired

Too many remember now
What I wished them to forget
Now I make myself a vow
That I must soon onset

The vow is this
To forget the one you love
For we will not soon kiss
I shall rise above

I know that it is over
But I wish you the best in life
Be as lucky as a four leaf clover
I hope you can feel the knife

When the lights go out
I’ll be right there
beside you
and if you
cannot bear
to turn on the lights
then I will sit with you
talk with you
in the pitch black

I cannot help
A drowning person
Who refuses to be saved
I cannot change
The way wind blows
Within a hurricane
I cannot
Make dead flowers come alive again
I cannot
Quiet every voice in my head
Accept these things
and you will see
I am flaws
with good intentions

As I found empty space beside me
I reached for loneliness
I found a hand
but no solace I receive
instead the cold
and ****** hand of the other me
when we embraced I felt a chill
not from wind or water
instead it rippled through my mind
making itself at home
forgetting the boundaries
I had set before
yet still hand and hand we walk me and the other

you hunger,
you hunt and stalk.
sloth, loss, despair
you know it all.

but you want most
you lust after power and purpose.
you want and wait,
never doing.

you stalk,
never pouncing,
unless the prey moves to you
you are stagnant

yes, yes, my friend
you can wait,
and watch
you will always crave though
because you will never do

Why do you get to care?
you weren’t there
when I was scared
when I was tired
when I screamed
or couldn’t move
So why do you get to be here now?
up on your horse
you don’t get to ride up
and offer your hand
while I’m in the mud.
maybe I don’t want saving,
maybe the mud is good, cool,
maybe I like the feeling
that I’m finally exactly what I accuse myself of being

I miss the way
she smiled
I miss the way
she laughed
but the old me is gone
and she’s never coming back

I'm sorry,
if it hurts too much
pretend it's a magic trick
is what my note will say.
For I am sorry
about the destruction I will leave.
I will leave with a flourish of apologies
and a crash of unveiled lies
I will not leave quietly,
for that I'm truly sorry.

Grey lady of the mist
Hold me tight tonight
Through the darkness
Through the trees
When the lights go out
And demons begin their fun
When gets imagination is dangerous
And words get volatile
Hush my cries
With your starry eyes
Caress me with frigid hands
Hold me close when it all caves in

just let me suffer alone
I’ve done it before
I’ll sit all alone on the bathroom floor,
I’ll leave all the doors closed.

I don’t want to be seen,
on the fourth day of no shower
I don’t to be seen
when I can’t move or scream

I do not want you to worry
don’t bother to check in
I’ll be a mess that belongs in the bin
do keep your eyes of me, keep your eyes blurry

So leave your worry here and leave
but please do not grieve
you do all you can
but in the end it was my hand

In the cold fall air
doubting ourselves
aren’t we quite the pair
we sit in silence all alone
yet so much is fixed
we help each other build
what people have destroyed
just an unusual pair

He said the kindest things
when know one else believed
he never gets angry
just disappointed
which is worse somehow
trust is a well built factor
I hope it stays this way

I love you,
no matter how much I hate you.
Its just that simple,
just that complicated,
and just that amazing.

Do you care for me?
that question
puts a weight on my lungs,
and sends my head reeling for an answer.
One I don’t find, instead
tears of confusion pull me to sleep.

I find myself doubting,
getting lost in moments between words.
My hands shake
in time with my heart.
Sometimes I let things fall
because I hate the tremors.
Sometimes they rattle through,
my whole body.

Please, one question
do you care?
or am I desperate and lost?

the hero
I know
may not know recognition
or fame
they may be poor
or lonely and lost
yet they still bend down
to help the ones in need'
my hero
has never stood taller

Dear Teacher
I know you want no recognition
for your kindness,
but for all you did
you deserve
the poetry
and the praise
because when no one else cared,
you did.
my debt is immeasurable
thank you.

My momentum
sweeps me in an arch
I can almost touch the sky,
I can almost feel her again.
She is a butterfly,
passing, with her stained glass wings.
She is too far,
I’m plummeting
away, away from the sky,
down heels dragging
My wings are clipped,
with you just out of reach.

I will not say
love is like a flower
or a sunset
I will not compare you
to morning dew
or a bluebird
for you are rough bark
with new budding flowers
or the smell after it rains
you are like summer late nights,
which make me high on stars
and the moonlight through the trees

You are yourself, always
and that is all I could ever ask for

13 years on the planet
and I can’t get it right
the personality
the ****** expressions
the life
I can’t get it right
maybe I never will

The sun beat down
on a land of plenty
but storms came
scarring the landscape
and burning the life away
disorder rained as king
with the new king
came numbness so deep
that not even the birds sang

Your smile
your laugh
you’re not the person I knew
that person was a lie
created be ambivalence
and nïavity
a stupid girl
who was never I love with you

I am not special
you were and you lost it
so I’m here to help you
pick up the pieces
even if that means losing my own

Everyone is so cold
so used to the terrible
that it no longer registers
how did we get so numb
so distant
why is violence a norm
why do the important incidents
never get reported
how did we get so messed up

One day they’ll
see me
on the podiums
by chance
one day they’ll
see me doing
my own dance
and one day
I’ll believe in the stars
but today’s not that

We are writing our from our hearts
Red ink staining the pages
We are writing with our hearts
Each word in rhythm
We are showing everyone our hearts
So that no one can see the wounds elsewhere
We are convincing ourselves that if our heart still beats
There is no problem.
But our hearts are beating our blood away

When we were children
we danced in imagination for hours
never having a firm grip on reality
but loosely holding some strands
no one stopped us
we ran wild
claiming the woods as our own
marking it with sitting logs
and home made paths
enduring the snow and mud
never will I forget our smultronställe