Lively chatter
Glasses clinked
Chairs shuffled
Then all of a sudden
Dark hair
Brown eyes—
Boyish, warm, curious.
A pale seashell necklace
A black earpiece.
My heart rallentando.

The sun rippled over the surface of the pool, gleaming.
Carbon bubbles clawed at my throat.
The Mallorca sun pleasurably scorched my legs.
The sun kissed your shoulder blades.
Showing off the way your skin clung to your bones.
That, there.
Made me hold my breath.

Cheers and groans.
Pearched on a bench, your arm around your sister.
You watched the little football match.
I walked past silently.
My brain beginning to tick like a bomb.

The birds taunted me.
The sun was blinding.
The chairs screamed when pulled.
Glasses clashed.
Made my way to the bus.
Saw you there. Waiting for yours.
My luggage staggered behind me.
I watched you from the window.
Growing smaller and smaller.

As the bus rattled away
I pulled out a map.
The size of my finger—
UK to Italy.
You, a world away.

My hands grasped the grass.
I gazed below, watching everyone,
The people and buildings that ruled over me,
Reduced to tiny ants.
Little capitalistic bugs.
Bugs I wish I could squash.
My eyes drifted to the pale sky.
I gazed at a cloud.
I longed to swap places.
To drift through life.
No soul.
No emotions.
No suffering.
Only one thing really could give me the same peace:
An end.
And if death was the answer, so be it.
I sent out a silent prayer.
Whoever was out there.
Someone, something had to be listening.
But no, nothing.
The windows of the hollow buildings below blinked indifferently.
The harrowing hole in my chest slowly stripped me of my soul.
The hole depleted any reason.
Devouring my insides.
Begging me to give in.

do you know the weight of it?
clawing your way up
test after test,
year after year,
to be the perfect reflection of the dreams they have for you,
those that are now your own.
where your worth now hangs.

when they see the prize,
they say, 'oh it comes so easily to her'

Easily?

i bled for this.
i screamt for this.
and my mind?
it whispers
'this is just what you're supposed to do'
you are 'gifted'
its your mere responsibility.
nothing to celebrate. nothing special.

isnt it?

All lies diminish me ---

As a card carrying member of the human race,
I consider it a disgrace,
when truth is subverted,
truth is diverted,
puts a frown on my face,
puts me in a bad place,
when truth is perverted in any way.

Lies weaken the laws of modern man--

If it's a shell game of opinion while avoiding fact,
modern society might as well take a giant step back.
To the plague days,
to the guillotine ways,
when might was right,
carry a big stick.
I dont want to go back to that.

Each lie told damages the soul ---

Are we here on earth to be false to each other,
to con with words or sister and brother? 
 To smother or dignity,  
break it and fake it,
knowing wrong from right but go ahead and forsake it?
I think no.

And the outcome of lying---

When those you trusted lie,
but don't  get busted - cry.  
Consider it the day truth died. 
 And down with the ship of truth goes honesty
       respect,
              rules,
                    civilization will fall.  
Tears to lend, prayers to send, 
lies will be the beginning, the middle, the end.
  Lies will be the death of us all.