I dread the happy days to come
When it's cold outside
But you're snuggled up
Together
Next to the tree
Warming to a cosy fire
Surrounded by family and friends

But not this year
Now there will be no pleasant crowd
To distract me from my loneliness
No noisy chatter to drown out the silence
Nothing to feed the illusion

This time I can't fool myself
Into being happy
Like every other year
Instead I'm forced to face
What this time is really about

Spending it with someone you love
And who loves you
How I wish
I would have someone
Like that

I have written about love
Many times before
But in truth
I have never been in love
I have dreamt of it
So many times
But I have never felt its warmth

And it has always torn me apart
Sometimes I felt unworthy
And hated myself
But other times I felt
I had so much love to give

Yet I've always known
That no one wants me
And it has always haunted me
Even now as I'm failing to fall asleep
Or actually, crying myself to sleep
I ask myself why