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Lynette Dec 9
She is in another place
Fading
What does it feel like to be caught in the in-between?
Moving through
To the other side.
Lynette Dec 9
He was the sexiest man she had ever laid eyes on
His countenance rugged and bronze
His smile was infectious and his lips perfectly curved
And his body was a five alarm

And his accent--oh his accent!

Well, that did her in. She was smitten and wholly entranced
Bound and determined to have him, and thus began their dance.

He showed that country girl exquisite things that her heart had only dreamed
He wined her and dined her and...(well I will leave that to your imagination what happened next)
But things weren't exactly quite as they seemed.

Little cracks during conversations that seemed rather odd.
Not returning calls, being drunk, angry and cold.

Inconsistent, resistent, not true to his word, he would tell her he would call then go off for days, not to be heard.

She would wait and worry and fret and stew, but he would eventually call again
That thrill of excitement, that wonder of lust, revving up her rusty engine.

This went on for quite some time--the ups and the downs in her soul and her mind. It all seemed quite normal to him as long as she didn't whine or demand his time.

She was in love. He said he was, too. But something didn't seem right when she would occasionally feel blue. Anything not fun and sunny and light would anger him and turn him from Jekyll into Hyde.

She would weep and cry and try to bring him around. But that made him angrier the more she would expound.

His moods tossed and turned like an insomniac. But she still loved him to the moon and back.

She was used to her mother who was similarly made, so placating and pleasing became a routine way. The times, when good, were amazingly great.

He crossed the Atlantic to make her his wife. His first week there was a crash course in strife. Demanding and cursing rather than just trying to fit in, it was going to be his way or the highway, her resilience wearing thin.

The name calling began, the anger more mean
The weeks were spent recovering from the screams.

He called her names she had never been called. She withered and wept and emotions were raw. Nothing was good enough from her to him. She tried to make them a life, but there was too much sinking to swim.

Her friends never knew if they were on or off. Her children just tried to stay aloft.

She would breathe a sigh of relief when he would come down, allowing them to repair the break from this round.

But finally the ups and the downs took their toll, and after leaving twice before he took the plane back home.

Leaving her devastated and emotionally drained, not knowing where they stood, feeling she was to blame.

Two years later and two worlds apart, they are still legally married but of questionable hearts. She still loves him as from that first sight. He on the other hand, doesn't seem to want a wife. He tells her he wishes they had never met--
"*******, *****" rings his voice in her head.

Why can't she let go? No need to walk away or leave. He's 4,000 miles away, and couldn't care less for her needs. She knows this is wrong. She knows he is toxic. But her heart rules her head.
Perhaps she is hypoxic.
Lynette Dec 9
If I could take your pain away
And make your world all right
I'd give you silky kisses
And tuck you in at night

I'd sabotage the hurt inside
So you could feel my love
That pulsates through my veins
And radiates from above

Your wounds would disappear
No longer to be felt
And you would bask in love's lush light
And make my starved heart melt

With every action, word, and deed
You'd blanket me in love
Warm and cozy we would be
Like a pair of woolen gloves

Our world would finally then be one
No more hurt to bear
And from our newfound freedom
This love we then could share
Written August 26, 2016
Lynette Dec 9
Laughing giggles where did they go?
Frowns are the only thing right now we know
What happened to us? why did we grow
So far apart like warm earth beneath snow

Bring back the light to warm our days
The cold is mean and bleak.

The seasons change too quickly and the days turn into weeks

Let our hearts be light, for in the dark they seize

And make our days so painful that all we see are trees

The trees they are so big and tall and obscure the simple path

The forest awaits with its wisdom
If we can avoid the wrath

The wrath with which we self destroy the path we've already worn

The one made of our history
And of the vows we've sworn.

Let the forest be our goal
Who cares about the trees?
With love and faith and kindness we can navigate with ease

And let us recollect all the times we've had along the way--the good, the bad, the in between they all have something to say

We are better navigators than at times we seem

Get out your map and compass and lead us to our dream
Written August 27, 2016
Lynette Dec 9
There is a sadness in my eyes
That no one knows
Feeling lost and alone
The emptiness grows

All I ever wanted was a love, a love that was true
A love that would shelter me when everything was blue

With hope in my eyes and pain in my heart
I look to you to help me restart
My life

Can you put your anger aside and hold my hand through this dark lonely night
And carry me to a brand new day
Where the sky is blue again and the sun shines the way

You are my rock, my shelter from the storm
Can you give to me and keep me safe and warm

Hold me in your arms and never let me go
Letting nothing come between us
Ever again.
Written September 14, 2016 during the throes of narcissistic abuse
Lynette Dec 9
Her eyes tell a story if you look close enough
Her shoulders are rounded from a life that's been tough

Her days carry on with no hope in sight
The same old song repeated each night

The angst of longing for the one that won't love back
Her heart is heavy and her days are black

But yet she keeps on hoping for him to see the light
To learn how to give himself and make everything alright.

She needs him to be with her while the chips are down
He can't seem to understand why she needs him around

She screams for help but no one hears her call
The one she needs the most won't listen at all

No understanding that this sadness she can't help.
There's no way out for her. Her life is a living Hell.
Written September 14, 2016
Lynette Oct 2018
Poor little seed
Your shell is cracked and exposed
The heart of your beauty
Your beautiful ribbons of DNA
So much potiential
****** into the bitter cold
Unprotected

What would you have become, little seed?
Remains unknown
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