***** mixed with lemonade
Now take away the lemonade
And pour it bottle after bottle
Destroying the mind of a ten year old.
Pills and pills and pills and pills
Never check the label.
Never worry about the danger.
Mix in a past as bitter as that lemonade
Because Mom was too busy getting choked to remember the sugar.
She’s just as bad as me sometimes.
Too many wishes
Not enough miracles to go around.
A shadow of a man
Except bigger and scarier
Paint a smile on his face and call him dad
But I’ll never forget what he did behind closed doors.
Or- maybe I will
Because I just can’t seem to recall when Or where
Or why
Or how
Or what he was wearing that night.
His fingers will never leave my mind
That just isn’t enough to believe me though.
Six? Seven? Eight?
The pictures weren’t enough
So that man will walk free.
Now that this small list
Has become a never ending trap
I will end here
Because I can’t remember where I put my pen.

One day your memory
Will be so distant
That I’ll have to reach and reach
To picture your face.
That thought used to terrify me
And now it gives me peace
When I can’t sleep at night.

“I’ll make you remember what pain feels like”
I told you
As you looked at the stars above us.
“Maybe that’s what I need”
You replied,
“A reason to feel again”

I kissed you goodbye
In the cold night.
You smiled
Because you thought
That I was yours again tomorrow
And all the days after.
Silly girl,
I belong to no one.
I will disappear tonight
And you will remember me as cold
Like the winter snow.
Every December
I will creep into your pretty mind.
Believe me darling
I wish I could stay.

You ask me where I’ve been
And the words I say aren’t the ones I meant to.
“I don’t love you anymore.”
How could I have admitted that my mind is a hell?
How else would I make you understand that I could hurt anyone else but you?
I’m saving you.

Soon the world will end
Because humans always break
What you are given.
Soon everything will go dark,
And you still don’t believe me when I tell you
How much you mean to me.
As time slowly wastes away
I find myself melting into you
But I see now
You’re just trying to scoop me out.
How much time have I spent saying these words?
How much time do we have left?
I gave you my heart
And humans always break
What they are given.

“I love you,”
You whisper
As the conversation comes to a conclusion.
Remind me one more time
Before you leave again
Because the silence likes to whisper about you.
“She hates you.”