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  Jul 30 C J MILLER
Charlie
i want to fall asleep
under a sky full of stars
out at waypoint, nobody knows where you are
nobody awake for miles around
nothing but the sweet, lulling sound
of crickets and tall grass in the breeze
and that's where i want to fall asleep
that's where i want to quietly bleed
across the gravel, head tipped to the sky one last time
and maybe this time i won't cry
maybe this time i can finally die
C J MILLER Jul 30
there's screaming behind my skin
but nobody believes me,
I tell them that someone must have hid a body under my skin,
not dead - very alive
they tear through my skin trying to get out.
and sometimes give up
they leave me in peace for a while
only to come back when I least expect it.

The little person attacks me at night
keeping me awake
begging to be let out
I never do
and so he cries

sometimes this little person almost escapes
and out slips a word or a burst of emotion
then I push them back down
"they must have been put there for a reason?"
or so I hope.

There are times that I wonder
"Who locked this little person away?"
"Why?"
"Who is this fellow?"
but I remain ignorant to the answers

Then one night
the little person stopped begging
I asked what was different
he simply looked me in the eyes and
calmly asked why I kept myself locked away
in the dark.

I was the warden of this poor fellows prison
and I was the one who threw him there.
This poem was really hard for me to write simply because of the point of view, so my bad if it doesn't make so much sense...
  Jul 30 C J MILLER
eliana
"I'm tired," I say,
"That's all."
And in a way, I guess it's true.
In every other way,
It's a lie.

Tonight you ask me
What depression feels like.
I think, then tell you
That it's sort of like
Slowly clicking up a roller coaster hill,
Waiting and waiting to peak,
But never reaching the top.

You seem confused
But don't ask anything else.
Soon enough you're gossiping about
How that girl we know got pregnant.
You don't understand that
I am still climbing that godforsaken hill.

People call me heartless,
Robotic.
I wonder if they realize
How difficult it is to function
When you're not sure if you even exist.

And here I am,
Dodging your politely, forcefully concerned gaze,
As you ask me what's wrong.
"I'm tired," I say,
"That's all."

I wish I could explain depression to you
Once again and scream about
How I wish I could feel anything.
Do you really want to know what depression is like?
Depression is like having a disinterested corpse
Skillfully stowed in the shell of my body.

"You seem so sad lately.
Can't you at least pretend to care?"
Oh, honey, if you only knew.
You ramble on about this and that,
But I'm no longer listening.
You could dig for centuries
And never strike my dying core.

And THAT, my innocent, naive fool,
Is what depression feels like.
day was alright today, just tryna get by.
  Jul 30 C J MILLER
SF
No sé cuántos años han pasado,
y te sigo pensando.
Sal de mi cabeza, por favor,
déjame volver a respirar el oxígeno.
O mejor no... quiero seguir acá, estancado, pensándote,
recordando y buscándote.

En otra vida estuviste acá,
y me hacías reír.
Estábamos juntos y nada importaba.
Pero en esta no pasó.

Estoy solo, y como siempre,
escuchando las bandas,
escuchando canciones,
escuchando artistas
que expresan lo que siento ahorita.

Y ruego a algo "superior",
por volverte a ver.
Y si llegas a volver acá,
yo me mataré

porque tú olvidarás,
y tendrás otra vida.
Te veré feliz, y eso me dolerá,
y estaré con el mundo en llamas.

Algún día te dejaré,
puede ser de pensar,
incluso de buscar,
pero estaré muerto.

Algún día dejaré de escribir,
pero sería el fin de mis poemas.
Por alguna razón te necesito todavía,
y algún día te dejaré ir.

Si el mundo está en llamas,
aparecerás tú,
y solo podré quebrarme en llanto,
y ni siquiera sabrás quién soy.

No importa nada,
la esperanza seguirá,
y tú no estarás,
pero sí en mi memoria.

¿Seguiremos siendo los mismos?
Yo pienso que no.
Solo soy un extraño para ti.
Ojalá me recordaras...

Te extraño.
Por favor,
vuelve.
  Jul 30 C J MILLER
eliana
Maybe it’s time I disappear,
Maybe then things will become clear.

Nobody cares and I know it well,
Maybe this is my permanent Hell.

I’m done reaching out,
I’m done with the doubt,
All I want to do is scream and shout.

Maybe it’s time to depart,
Maybe it’s time for a fresh start.
Where nobody knows me and I can be free,
Because my mind is on a killing spree.

Killing my confidence and killing my hopes,
Maybe it’s time I hang up some ropes.

I’m tired of feeling like I don’t matter,
Got me feeling crazy like the Mad Hatter.

Maybe it’s time for my body to expire,
But my mind is nothing but gunfire.
Firing at my positive dreams,
Tearing me apart at the seams.

This is it, it’s time to retire,
This is it, I’m going in the fire.

I’m already decaying,
My demons they’re preying.
My soul is paying,
And I’m done praying.

It’s time I disappear,
I’m tired of the tears I shed.
Maybe I’ll give a cheer,
When I’m finally dead.
  Jul 30 C J MILLER
Tre Waters
Itching and scratching,
I crave your touch.

Minds but a jumble of thoughts,
Your soft voice calms me.

I gasp for air,
Only you would share your breath.

All food became bland,
Ever since I acquired your taste.

Overthinking,
Drenched with sweat.
Hyperventilating.
Without you,
I'm burdened with stress.

Nicotine doesn't do it for me,
Ever since I became addicted to you.
A poem from a fractured mind.
  Jul 30 C J MILLER
Marwan Baytie
She said, “My dear, I want you
Come taste the honey that drips from my mouth.”
“Take it slow,” she begged, “but hurry
I’ve waited long enough.”
“Just so you know,” she whispered low,
“I’m the only daughter of my father and mother
The mint that grows along our orchard fence,
Shaded by banana leaves from prying eyes.”
“In the game of love, I was Napoleon
But now my carriage has stalled.
Even the banded wheels won’t move.”
I filed a complaint with the Mayor.
He sighed and said:
“Your case is adjourned—until the end of time.”
The mint of music rested on her lap.
I asked her name.
She smiled and said,
“It’s written in the clouds above your head.”
I looked up and saw: Blue Sky.
Her hands were kissed by henna,
Six golden bangles danced at her wrists
A shimmer of wealth and mystery.
I said, “Yes… yes… and yeah.
You are green as spring,
Yet burn with the fire of the devil.”
Innocence and seduction
All wrapped in one.
A beautiful teen,
The chaos of heaven in a single form.
Yes, I would love to taste your lips...
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