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  5d C J MILLER
eliana
Maybe it’s time I disappear,
Maybe then things will become clear.

Nobody cares and I know it well,
Maybe this is my permanent Hell.

I’m done reaching out,
I’m done with the doubt,
All I want to do is scream and shout.

Maybe it’s time to depart,
Maybe it’s time for a fresh start.
Where nobody knows me and I can be free,
Because my mind is on a killing spree.

Killing my confidence and killing my hopes,
Maybe it’s time I hang up some ropes.

I’m tired of feeling like I don’t matter,
Got me feeling crazy like the Mad Hatter.

Maybe it’s time for my body to expire,
But my mind is nothing but gunfire.
Firing at my positive dreams,
Tearing me apart at the seams.

This is it, it’s time to retire,
This is it, I’m going in the fire.

I’m already decaying,
My demons they’re preying.
My soul is paying,
And I’m done praying.

It’s time I disappear,
I’m tired of the tears I shed.
Maybe I’ll give a cheer,
When I’m finally dead.
Itching and scratching,
I crave your touch.

Minds but a jumble of thoughts,
Your soft voice calms me.

I gasp for air,
Only you would share your breath.

All food became bland,
Ever since I acquired your taste.

Overthinking,
Drenched with sweat.
Hyperventilating.
Without you,
I'm burdened with stress.

Nicotine doesn't do it for me,
Ever since I became addicted to you.
A poem from a fractured mind.
She said, “My dear, I want you
Come taste the honey that drips from my mouth.”
“Take it slow,” she begged, “but hurry
I’ve waited long enough.”
“Just so you know,” she whispered low,
“I’m the only daughter of my father and mother
The mint that grows along our orchard fence,
Shaded by banana leaves from prying eyes.”
“In the game of love, I was Napoleon
But now my carriage has stalled.
Even the banded wheels won’t move.”
I filed a complaint with the Mayor.
He sighed and said:
“Your case is adjourned—until the end of time.”
The mint of music rested on her lap.
I asked her name.
She smiled and said,
“It’s written in the clouds above your head.”
I looked up and saw: Blue Sky.
Her hands were kissed by henna,
Six golden bangles danced at her wrists
A shimmer of wealth and mystery.
I said, “Yes… yes… and yeah.
You are green as spring,
Yet burn with the fire of the devil.”
Innocence and seduction
All wrapped in one.
A beautiful teen,
The chaos of heaven in a single form.
Yes, I would love to taste your lips...
I want to shape my car,
Like the rim of a bottle.

Around a tree,
As the cork.

I need to open up to you,
But it's so hard to talk.

With both of our clothes,
Strung on the floor.

It's only when we ****,
And I call you a *****.

Do you ask,
"Can you please talk some more?"
A poem from a fractured mind
My name, a name I've hated
for most of my life
an unnatural patchwork
the result of my family's toxicity
I got the **** end of the deal
I didn't even get a say
and they wonder why I was bullied
every **** day.

So call out my name
let it roll off your tongue
with its choppy pronunciation
and unnatural feel

I wish I were a hermit crab
so I could shed this old shell
She fell—
Not with fire, not in wrath,
But like a prayer dropped through a crack in heaven.
No war cry.
No thunder.
Just silence,
and then
her.

Wings once woven from starlight
torn against the jagged edge of earth.
She crashed where no gods wept,
and no one watched—
except me.

I saw her break
into something human,
but still more holy
than anything I've ever touched in this ruined world.

She walks now
with wounds she hides beneath her smile,
grace limping beside her like a shadow.
They see a girl.
I see the ash of heaven still in her eyes.

And I—
I sit behind glass, just skin and silence,
choking on every scream
I never let out to her.
I could have caught her.
I would have caught her.
If only fate had let me closer than this aching distance.

I see the hurt she wears like lace,
stitched in places no one thinks to look.
I see her give love with bleeding hands,
as no one stops to hold them, to stop the bleeding.

She doesn’t know.
She never does.
That every time she breaks,
I break louder.

If I could speak just once,
truly speak—
I’d tell her I was built not to worship her,
but to take the pain,
to bear it for her
like a crown of fire I’d wear gladly
just to see her rest.

But she walks,
unaware.
A fallen angel still searching for a sky,
while I remain the man
who watched her fall
and loved her ever since.
No one caught her, because no one believed angels could bleed.
~I'm sorry
but not really
~I'll try harder
when I hurt you tomorrow.

The beast in my breast
is a glutton for revenge
it only stays close
to feed on your sorrow.

Oh how I hate you now
that you love me so much
way back when the tables were turned
you had me for lunch.

You cut my heart out
I lay like a pig on the dining room table
eyes wide open
your mouth even wider
when I heard that sickening crunch.

Now same as you I burn the next fool
who would have known
that it was going to be you.

now you beg for your life
and say that your sorry
but I've heard it all before
so I give you
My Un-apologies

You lay on the dining room table
eyes wide open
my mouth even wider
when you hear that delectable crunch.
Karma is a *****, but sometimes people are worse
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