I'm always riding on knowledge or wondering why I really need it, why I should acquire it.
I repent for questioning why I need it.
Then I rebel in questioning why I need it.
Learning a lot of math without doing problems is like receiving a lot of instructions before trying to carry them all out.
In this sense inventing new math is the same condition as creating a company.
But the question remains: what service can I provide that current math cannot provide?
In my search, it borders on believing a formula can actually solve something without observing it in reality.
This would create a break between the real world and the world of the mind - the mind taking precidence.
Math here would become a novelty much like so many services today.
The mind without the universe is a novelty.
It would see the parts of the universe that were not seen as novel, now become novel themselves.
It would have to entice people to use this novelty, either in thought, word, or practice.
Therefore inventing math is just like salesmanship.
What can I sell the (parts of) universe off to you as?
Life revolves around water, food, clothing, shelter, and some type of computer.
But the universe centers on matter, light, and space.
Chemistry and quantum physics tells me of matter.
Electrodynamics tells me of light.
General relativity and the positive Grassmannian tells me of space.
To out sell these five monopolies I would have to come up with something great.
It is due to mathematicians' and scientists' observations that these monopolies are so powerful.
So much has been observed that it's hard to observe anything apart from them, or to even put them out of my mind.
Let's say I had gone through all the pedagogy, would I just become more satisfied with what already is, just as I've abandoned inventions of electronics after getting the degree and three years of self-study?
Now formally believing that electronics is too complicated to entertain a "new electrodynamics".
"New electrodynamics" becoming a watchword for the novice.
Wouldn't "new physics" or "new math" also seem similar after all is said and done?
But inventions usually come about by people using or doing something and figuring out a better way to do them.
Not by thinking about something until there is a better way to think about something.
Electronics became devoid of hope for change because what I already knew of it became so central to the world and yet still so awesome.
When my rank depends on a system, their is little impetus to change it.
Therefore, my dependence on innovation seems to depend on holding no rank in math and physics.
As one songwriter said, "If you have to or try to write a song, it will be crap, but if a song comes to you, it could be really good."
The same applies to "inventions" in STEM, despite what years of hard work has proven, it is always the truly inspired ones that make the new vision.
I feel my burden is lifted.

It seems mathematics is a progression toward relative and free models.

I get the whole line of reasoning more than every small instance of reasoning in my book, but that's why there are problems to work on.

I'm not to the point where I can write a textbook.

Delineating a series of concepts builds and builds and builds. It is not like a story that has a peak and tail off. Instead, it always builds.

Simply the idea of linear independent vectors forming a basis means that any two objects can create its own universe.

It seems learning is realizing the particulars of what I already know.
For once I got a breadth of what the universe consists of, learning about it got a glassy quality.
What is "the particulars"?
What differentiates them from the general concept?
The particulars are forgotten in short term memory, but while understanding them, they give a sense of truth as if the concepts themselves were a lie.
Rather, the concepts were for children and the particulars for adults.
Yes, who will become an adult in mathematics?
"I don't want to grow up," my essence affirms.
For I know that once I grow up, I can no longer act as a child.
"I want to grow up," my reason delineates.
For a child cannot truly help understand its unknown areas.
My child reasons: "but I can imagine a way to do it!"
What would a child be if not hopeful?

I read: it's not just about having the facet of knowledge but when to use them.
Thus, children reason in a world that hasn't gone down the rabbit hole.
Adults reason already in wonderland.
I must view the wisdom of adults as sheer madness, while the knowledge of the child as mere anger, instead of the other way around.
Maybe I don't want to lose my reckless quality of knowledge - somehow I can cheat the system!
Probably the rebel never dies.
Maybe that's what I hope the most.
I shouldn't see my knowledge being able to undercut wisdom, nor wisdom devoid of mystery.

Why do I want you?
That ***** look
Of a bed of many lovers?
What sets you apart from a young ****** untouched?
Because I've grown to love all your ways.
Those high full hips,
That shimmering face.
That Marine mentality though formulated as a city chick.
What makes your "can't have me" feel, as you stare into your phone, so much better than a ****** opt to hearken to hear me out?
What have you stolen from me, I ask?
The "I'm sorries" and "I hate that songs"?
The "what the *****", the talk of ***** and water?
You have shaped yourself as one that has friends, that goes out, that parties, the opinionated person still with humility and grace.
I have none of these.
Yet what makes you different than the philosophizing woman, or the pure untouched one?
Or the one who talks of the news and has found reflection?
Do your ways undress me and intice my primal instinct?
Why does your thorn look like a flower?
Without your beauty, you I would not consider.
Why has she imprisoned me by walls and bars?
How has a look and charm benumbed my intelligence?
I can only say that my idea of love doesn't flow into my eyes, and my idea of desire only flows there.
Why are these two different worlds?
To mix the two would make me jealously mad.
The dichotomy makes me fake.

Is mystery dependent on me thinking of mystery?
It is a safe bet.
For when what is central is knowledge, then I can only become aware of mystery if upon something new or unknown.
Thus, mystery is not knowledge, but the lack of it.
Mystery is ignorance.
Thus, my meditation is rather reflection on ignorance,
As if I'm trying to better describe ignorance, or find a way out of ignorance with only the experiential.
I think of mostly consciousness and the universe here, in terms of my and humanity's ignorance of them.
Not only am I limited by my own understanding but also the understanding of others, however much they are even more intelligent than me.
I see others working on problems that have proven to not solve the mystery, the mystery being ignorance.
The only thing that could solve it is omniscience.
Then it follows that what I'm really trying to solve is omniscience.
"Infinite cognition" as the Buddha put it.
Even if a person could have omniscience, it would be colored by how they can make sense of reality.
Knowledge would take the form of what is most familiar.
Thus, when wondering about a question as to what is pi, they may say about 3.14.
The answer conditioned on how people and the omniscient one would have the capacity to hear.
Maybe this seems more like intuition.
But omniscience would denote the person as a speaker, yet only allowable to speak as what was conducive for everyone's best.
This is how Baha'is look at Manifestations of God: only allowed to share a certain amount at a time.
Just as the Son said "I have many things to share with you, but you cannot hear them now".
Still their capacity would be limited to what they themselves were interested in.
For one who is marginalized and oppressed or even thronged by multitudes, often has no willingness to delve deeply into subject matter, it causing some to stray from a correct path.
Since fractal systems work strongest in more diverse settings, it would seem that the very thing that makes it strong also makes its capacity to hear weak.
Omniscience therefore, if given to only a few, has a limited range of effect.
But even this limited range would change the entire system.
As Baha'u'llah calls His followers "the leaven" and the Son calls His followers "the salt".
"Many are called but few are chosen" seems derogatory in a world where "ye are all the leaves of one tree".

World consciousness almost arose to love tonight, but the lover ensared it in his anger once again.
If I close my ears to them, will it go away?
If they close my ears to me, will I go away?
Strength in the diversity of parts.
Strength really meaning pain.
E Pluribus Unum.

In theory reductionsim,
I would say that what is central to contemplation is mystery.