It seems like I'm a genius when I'm searching and finding answers so that I can figure out problems.
Also, when I'm asking questions it feels this way.
But when I'm pondering The Mystery I always feel inadequate.
When I'm trying to skim my mind for a metaphor for an unknown part of the universe, it is like my imagination has to solve for both X and Y.

Getting help with an answer can often remove any need to think.
Except the need to think about how I could remember how to solve it the next time.
Often I've unknowingly believed that there is a disjunction between common sense and reasoning because I've believed that my common sense was no help.
In reality it was just a lack of communication between common sense and reason.
Learning helps the brain communicate within itself.
It is not merely learning more, but the ability not just to see connections, but communicate them.

What can I say that I've broken the Baha'i Fast so that I won't be overly anxious on a busy day at the restaurant?
Using my arms and back to wash dishes.
Tactile placement of the feet around co-workers.
Remembering every detail needed for deliveries.
Baha'u'llah has exempted heavy labor from the Fast.
I couldn't do my work without constant water and a store of calories.
But what of smoking on work days?
What would God think?
The fact that I'm overly anxious at work without them has made me know how addicted I am.
So anxious as to question whether I should quit work.
"Don't do that to me again," my body tells itself, "last night was too much anxiety to simply be without smokes."
I suppose my soul will go to a tier of the afterlife where people are addicted to cigarettes.

The object of meditation is to attain a why-less insightful personality.
Like everything is "its own cause".
Life has become disenchanting by the common awareness of my real familiarity with it.
My thinking of "what is the need of this or that" is truly a mark of low intelligence, or a common sign of age.

I found how infrequently some points or lines could align with a hyperplane.
It sounds way harder than it was, probably because I used to not know the succession of steps to learn about R^n and the hyperplane.
They are easy to grasp but it used to not be as easy as 1,2,3.
But it really is a simple plane in n-1 dimensions of R^n.
Yet when I first encountered the word some years ago, it was quite mesmerizing.
I think math will always be mesmerizing except if I've encountered it in pedagogy.
With this understanding, I know that all math is stepwise succession within its branch.
But somehow this leaves things undone, probably because I can't cheat true and tried pedagogy.
That's what I really want to do.

I lay here and stare at the stitching in my new hat made in Bangladesh.
There are few other things I know about this country.
I imagine the sewing machines and brown fingers and faces working to get by.
Some, I imagine, with mopeds.
I imagine the teams of fabric.
The spools of thread.
Sewing on a tag that they may not be able to read.
Amongst the tropic-like weather.
Annual income less than what I make in a month.
That's about what my paper route paid: $600/year.