I like to be like the ocean.  
Its free
Its endless
Its unpredictable
Its scary
It moves in its own rhythm
It has secrets

My hair reminds me of the ocean
First a bright blue and blonde
Its shows the shoreline and the shallow sand bar

As the days go by I make my hair darker
I like to go deeper even though I can’t swim
I live to drown myself in my thoughts

I still keep quiet disregarding how others see me
I don’t smile on the inside

Every once in awhile
I go to the surface
For a breath of air before I dive deeper
Realizing I suffocate on the surface
Loved one smothering me as I ascend to the surface

The Anxiety
The Questions
The Love

It’s not for me
It’s too much

My solitude
My peace
My tranquility

That’s me

The loud crash of waves on the surface sound different

You’re ******* me off
You’re acting like I’m the only one at fault
Though you play a wonderful victim
Cut the *******

I mean I’ve dated some *******
I’ve made plenty of mistakes,
But don’t act like you haven’t

You’re boyfriend is ******* me off
The fact that you’re that ******* blind
To not realize how toxic
Stupid
Irresponsible
Unappreciative
And just a plain ******* ******* is your loss

If you were in my shoes
You’d be dying to leave too,
But instead you just focus on the fact that I want to leave
You don’t take time to see the full story

You ask me to open up and talk,
But you don’t listen
If he’s around, I’m no longer relevant
I’m just the child who’s around

And to be fair, I’m just starting to know who you are.
You never acted this way around dad.
Then again I guess you were depressed.
I sympathized with you.
I let you spread your wings.

Never thought you would put me in the same position as him…
It’s hard okay
I can’t talk about things as easily as everyone else can
I choke up
So I don’t talk
I like to fester
Then it leads to stories like these pathetic ones.
Another reason why I keep my emails personal

I just find it pretty ******* pathetic that you couldn’t notice that I don’t act like normal teenagers
Or that I don’t talk as much as others
Or that I don’t express myself as much as other
It took you 17 ******* years to figure that out
Now you wanna try and act ****** towards me
So honestly just *******
And honestly it hurt cutting dad out
I was ****** and upset for days
I was legitimately depressed for those fews days
You acted like it was ******* nothing
So yeah I’m ready to get the **** out of here.
I wish I would have left with Noah or anyone really…
Cause right now I feel like the only guy I really loved was noah
He was there for me at the very least
He knew if I wasn’t okay
He doesn’t have much, but he tries.
So anyways Thank You
Thank You Very ******* Much For Giving Me Another Reason To REALIZE My Life Is ******* ****
THANKS FOR GIVING ME ANOTHER REASON TO WANT TO MOVE OUT EVEN MORE
THANKS FOR MAKING ME NOT WANT TO COME TO HOME EVER AGAIN
CAUSE THIS PLACE IS JUST ******* PROBLEMS
YOU’RE A ******* PROBLEM
SOMETIMES I WISH I WAS THAT ONE MISCARRIAGE

Rant over.

I write because I hate the sound of my voice
My mind sounds better
I can scream
I can yell
I can do the impossible
in my head
My words can be read louder than any spoken word
So just shut up and write
I write because I can't speak
My opinions are usually seen as
minuscule, unorthodox, and pointless
but when I write
I have meaning
I'm attempting to cultivate the perfect group of terms to move an audience I can't see
To show someone a thousand miles away from me that there not alone
I write to express myself
I write to allow my emotions to spew on to digitized pixels on a computer screen
I write to appease my need to let go
I write because I know no one is going to care
I write because it's my life and I do as I please