this rope
should not be pulled
from opposite ends
in opposite directions

what once was straight
is now
a tangled knot;
no direction
can be discerned

my white-knuckled grip
must be relaxed
if
this mess
is to be
made straight

what started so promisingly
has been torn apart
again;
the oblivious
and the abstruse
contribute nothing
but silence.

we are the void
all is numbness
and nothing else

i have no idea
when it started
but
i've been building
for a while now
year on year
brick on brick
everything sacred
                    fragile
safe and protected
behind the fortress walls

a citadel
for the pure
             the honest
                    the real
locked away
hidden
from the risk takers
and the hurtful

safe inside
surely...

realising too late
all i will ever see
is
brick
on
brick
while the beautiful
and miraculous
pass by
out of reach

like a horse
at the end of a whip
i keep circling
answering
each and every
beckoning call
with a smile
held in place by stilts

they have ears
that don't hear
and eyes
that won't see
and
they'll never truly know

i fear i'll never tell them

it's
not enough
and
it
never will be;

but
it's never wasted
and
won't soon
be forgotten.

it's
not enough
and
it never will be

****
it
all

there are certain things
that i only think about
late at night
while the moon
smirking down
looms
full and brilliant
encouraging me to consider
everything broken

there's an answer there somewhere
it promises

by morning
epiphanies fade
never held long enough
never followed through

squinting
against the sun's condescension
i'm reminded of the moon
and it's smirk
but this time
there is no trust

It should never have started
I know
As well as anyone
That it shouldn't

But this
I can guarantee;
Whenever they say
"Do not..."
I'll be the first in line
To do just the opposite

Beneath it all
Though I know my mistake
It doesn't mean
I regret
A single moment

Perhaps
It should never have started

Doesn't mean
It should have to end

there was a time
when my truth could be told
perfect
i thought
"say it
now
this will be beautiful
your bluebird will be free"

but
never trusting myself
i waited
too long
swallowed the key
silenced the song

the moment
gone
just like you

the truth
unspoken
my burden
remains

while i waited
for a sign
i forgot
to look at you

i still wait
but now
i do it
alone

I have
nothing
but time
and
an apparent
lack of decision

whether hero
or failure
we all have a breaking point
the difference between the two;
how much is loaded up
before the camel's back breaks

did I take
the road less travelled
or
was it merely
the easiest route?

I'm trying
to be more positive
it's not as easy as
they say

optimism is
simply
accepting the worst
smiling
until the **** drains away
and the stench
starts to clear

when the absence
lulls you
makes it feel
like paradise

yet
still
there is a puddle of excrement
about your heels

i sit
and watch the fly
in its directionless ballet
it is frustrating
                and tiring
just watching
as it changes it's mind
incessantly

i laugh
i know as little as the fly
down which path
the right choice lies
maybe if i help
i'll get some help
in return

i open the window
and wait;
over
and
over
it flies into the pane

i can't decide
if its inspirational
or
pitiful

i used to think
i could conquer
anybody
anything

nothing out of reach
unobtainable;
nonsense

but no

mistakes
failings
resentments
regrets

heartbroken

         ­                   forgotten

                                   ­                left behind

now
all it takes
to break me
is
a beautiful pair of eyes
looking
the other direction