I wrote a poem when I died...
Another at my birth.
A brand-new sonnet when I cried.
And again when there was mirth.

A song for my confession...
A story for my pain...
A painting for depression...
And nursery rhymes for rain.

My creations live inside my heart.
I keep them there in shame.
Yet you looked around and saw my art,
And smiled all the same.

"Who am I?"

I utter these words into the emptiness

The emptiness plaguing my soul

Rainbow strands woven within a deep midnight hue

Is the aura of my personality

I have a darkness, I live in unease

It's not poetic

It's agony

Listless and confused

On the canvas of my life are disoriented objects out of place

A jazz song on full blast-- a raucous display

Of my heart and mind up in wild flames

I quest for meaning

Words to wrap around my life

So it would make more sense to me

But words fall short..

Words lose their meaning

When your life is in endless disorder and disharmony

I feel compelled to take my life within tight fists

To reign it in

Somehow

But I fear structure and routine

Would be water to the flame of my creativity

But my creativity

She needs order to ground her dreams in reality

Or else

I will spend my days in a magical reverie

And fail to contribute to the world

In this one, beautiful, free life

I have been gifted.

First day of first grade
Learning my a ,b, c's
But still had velcro shoes
Knew my colors and numbers
So I was a know it all
Untill that bell rung
Found out something that changed everything
Tommy told Timmy and he whispered it to me
I never been so scared
It was the worst ever
Before mom could stop and aginest the teachers ordes
I was at her car door
MOM I GOT THE COOTIES
I GOT COOTIES
Being over dramatic she says
No not the big C son
It's the cooties mom
Pulled into the driveway and she leans to me
Cooties ain't real and girls are not a disease
It's ok to be friends with everybody
But just incase I'll give you a cootie shot
Circle circle dot dot....

First day of sixth grade
New clothes, new shoes
I felt grown and so cool
Laughing with friends at lunch when I hear
Can I sit here
I turned mute so I just noded my head
This girl was god sent
Tongue tied and in love
Feeling nervous and starting to sweat
She talked and I tried
She asked questions
All I could do was smile
Didn't notice my mom waiting holding up the line
Gave one word answers to her hundred questions
Pulled into the driveway
MOM I HAVE A CRUSH ON A GIRL
She gasped
No not another case of the big c
Looking back it was funny but I was to nervous to laugh
Explained how I thought she was to pretty for me
Out of my league
Pulled in the he driveway And she leans over
Nobody will ever be to much of a good thing for you
Show the confidence that you hold in
Besides what's the worst that can happen
You make a cute friend
But just incase your still uncertain
Make sure tomorrow the seat next to you is empty again

Freshman year
Can't believe first day of high school
Beginning of my last four years
Spent the summer trying out for the baseball team
Basketball second period
Coach Sims told me good chance I would make the varisty team
My head grew bigger and my walk changed too
Seen April and I walked right up
Asked her to homecoming
My God she said yes
The greatest day ever
Seen mom in line
Couldn't wait so I ran
Begin explaining everything
Making the team, the dance, basketball
Not taking a breath till we got home
Pulls in the driveway and I'm halfway out when I noticed
She only responded with a smile
I turned back and see tears in her eyes
I lean over and wrap my arms around her
Mom don't start lying to me now
Tell me what's wrong
What she said next was the hardest words had ever hit me......
Son I have the big C