Does anything matter, if it's not displayed out there?
Does it really, truly exist, if it is not shared?
Is it honestly worth doing, if no one else knows,
Invisible yet impactful, like the wind blows?
Musing at the crack of dawn, a sleepy Saturday
When one can't see, how do they find a way?

I feel like I'm seeing myself from above
Wondering, 'Why aren't you someone I can love'?
Imperfect, awkward, boring in some way,
Active at times, lazy the next day,
Why can't I be what I'm supposed to be,
Why is it a chore to try to be happy?
Some find joy quickly, to others it's elusive,
Maybe it's something that's exclusive
Was that in a memo that somehow got lost?
While we now pay the price, alas, what a cost!
I wish I knew where the answer would lie,
I hope I figure this out, before I die.

I'd like to create words with sunshine,
But it seems like they're filled with rain,
Storms, lashing across a piece of paper,
Lightning on a screen, shocking a reader
Thundering in emotion, their sounds unheard,
I'd wish for them to be simple and clear,
Concise, apt, optimistic, perhaps even brave,
All I can come up with are anxious refrains,
Maybe something's truly wrong with my brain?
Truth be told, I would rather not lie,
When there are things I don't know how to say,
When I struggle where others seem to thrive,
Writing helps me be glad to be alive.
If these are the words that leave me today,
I'll accept them, for I am glad they exist,
When the world leaves me broken, feeling small,
I'd rather have some words, than none at all.

I see you in the mirror, I don't know who you are
I try to leave, but you're with me everywhere I go
You try to undo everything I do well,
I hate you holding me back, I can't go with the flow,
I don't know where you came from, if I made you that way
You're all that I think I'm not, yet you show up somehow
How did I not sense you forming before my eyes,
I don't think I've ever looked clearly before now,
I wish you wouldn't exist, so I could just be me,
To live for a while without you dragging me down,
I'd carve up a reflection, so I like what I see,
I'd learn to swim properly, so I would never drown.
I know that's something the universe won't allow,
I've got to learn to live with you by my side,
I hope I grow to accept you no matter what,
I hope I grow to love who you are, inside.

There are so many times I'd like to be brave
Times I should fight, but instead, I cave
There are so many things that I should know,
Truths that I'm told would make me grow,
There are lives I wish I'd lived to learn everything,
Maybe then I'd see the true nature of being.
It doesn't make sense why I am this way
I can't face the mirror, I'd rather look away
It's strange, being defeated by one's own mind,
Assaulted by thoughts too cruel to be kind,
It's so much easier to hide from it all,
To write from the shadows, not standing tall,
With a voice that's never meant to be heard,
To express reality without saying a word,
Imposing boundaries when they shouldn't exist,
Acting like it's okay, but to quietly resist.
Doing everything one can, just to save face,
Caught between a rock and a hard place.

I'd hide my words away if I could,
In a secret lair no one will ever find,
With shame leading the writers' crusade,
And envy at the helm behind acting kind.
It doesn't make sense to feel this way
Blamed for thoughts you cannot control,
Emotion must have its voice stolen away
If left free, it will take its toll
Exposed, one watches, stuck, paralyzed
As it reigns hell on all who bear witness
In the battlefield between wrong and right,

It's designed for another kind of person,
Perhaps one much stronger than us all,
Who can do everything with finesse and poise,
Who bears their burdens with grace, with no noise.

In the end,

Maybe I don't want to break the glass,
Maybe I just want to prove to the world,
That I was not made to be a waste of space,
That I could reach the ceiling in the first place.