Times like this never bode well
It's like getting arrested and going to jail
All the bad just joins together
It's like forever being in the wake of insane weather
Never knowing when it'll End
Not having no one, not even a friend
Wishing it would stop, saying oh please oh please
Forever wondering why we have moments like these

Things never go your way
Society just doesn't work like that
You try to make something of yourself and you fall on your face, flat
You lose loved ones and cherished friends leave you
Leaving you by choice hurts way worse then having them taken away
You are left with not having anything to say
It hurts too much so you shut yourself away from the world
Friends and family try to comfort you
But their words fall on deaf ears
You turn to drugs and alcohol to try and heal your shattered heart
But you soon find that's not the solution
You decide to erase those former friends from your mind.
That's all you can do until you find someone who is sweet and kind.
You finally find that person amd they become your everything rescuing you from your darkness.
They become your sunlight and brighten your days from then on turning everything into such a bliss
They stay by your side they never become gone.

You think you deserve something but life slaps you upon the head and throws you down reminding you that after all you've doneyou don't deserve ****
I had a strokeabout a week ago and there as a possibility of me getting to go home today instead of tomorrow but my blood level dropped to an undesirable rate this causing me to have to stay longer missing my oldest sisters funeral. I thought I would get to go buy that's was just life toying with my emotions again. I have a constant thought on"You don't deserve to be happy Ben!You don't deserve happiness. You can't pretend to be a good guy every now and then. it's such a disappoint to know I could've made my love better but now with all these life threatening hospitalizations and not knowinghow long I have left to live it just leaves me with such disappointment. I've always wished I could restart my life over andbe a better man but I know that's impossible just another disappointment that I get to live with I use to lash out in anger but that isn't going to change anything and it's a waste of time

I don't always say much
It's like a slight touch
People go silent when I speak
They listen to me like I'm a freak
Saying whatever I say
That makes everything okay
Giving them peace of mind
Getting me out of any bind

Things will go my way
I'll have everything I want someday
A house and a car
I won't need to frequent a bar
I'll have a gorgeous wife
We'll have built a wonderful life
Her and I together
These things in this order
House, car, wife, wonderful life and financial freedom

After all this time
Our lives had been interwine...
'd but you chose to sever it
Leaving me utterly alone
Nothing to keep me warm like an uncovered bone
Left to rot and decay
Feeling nothing but dismay

This life has went SO downhill
All this negativity shrinking away my will
Making me wish I was dead
Take a bullet to the head
Let this life end
Nobody would miss me; not a single friend
You are only wanted when you are useful
Your usefulness drains away and you aren't wanted; no
No one wants you around