Candles are lit inside
then blown out by
I don't know what.
The breath that comes
Out of nowhere
and changes the light.
Darkness becomes everything.
Shown in my eyes with
blood shots and twitches.
Trying to breathe myself and
pictures in my mind are flipped through
as if there are photo albums in my cranium.
First is the picture of the kids who crowded me
at the playground and mocked me.
Second is the teacher who introduced my failed grade and others saw me as less.
The third picture is the most brutal;
All the boy said was we would go for a walk.
Turned into us alone in a stairwell,
He kissed me thousands of times on the lips
with no consent
at all.
I'm not going to let these pictures rule me I dont
care that they are worth a thousand words.
There will be no words once I light another candle and let the fury burn into ashes.
My eyes will watch birds fly and flowers bloom.
Your eyes can see me as a happy woman.
It's there somewhere.

Prettiest lights and the
realest folks
all gather on the streets of
Times Square.
All that is expected is to enjoy the
signs,
the music playing,
stores and their windows with
dresses and mannequins,
and the lights flashing everywhere
creating the brightest
scene.
All that is expected is to
let yourself free.
Adapt to the lights that
flash
observe the signs of
artists on their way
put a penny in the guitarists
case
take in the audio of
real people
everywhere.
We would be lost in life
without the fitting in of
a little
shenanigans.
I just want
to be there
again.

Don't care what I do or don't
Come off as
To
Anyone.

I'll never be
Blinded by
The
Brightest bulb
In the
Bunch.

Not even the
Sharpest knife
In the drawer
Can slice me.

I have a life,
It's just not
The way anyone else
Would live.

I'm proud,
Unashamed,
Secure,
And
Bulletproof.

Never should I have ignored the
barbaric ediquitt that was represented
at every dinner.
What a fool we were to hold you like
a baby and tell you you were wonderful
as you were.
How dare you take my sympathy and turn
it into your own spider web.
Do you not understand that I have the power
to rip the web apart and make it into dust?
Why won't you ever learn?

I hear nothing from any of them and fear
I have destroyed the heart
Of a someone I have.
All this time being alone
with bullets in my head
and
hammers in my heart
nailing down the truth of
what I may come to be.
Penniless and enraged  I'll
be someday.
These thoughts of fire in the
corner of the cafe where I want
To meet for coffee burns down
the building and kills one of us.
The day we first met for a cocktail
as we cheered our glasses together
and took a sip at the same time
was like a promise.
A promise that we would have fun whenever we can and take care of
each other.
Now I can't remember how to get back
to the bar nor what I usually order.
I return home and sit on my bed.
The bullets in my head just tell me
to lie down and rest.
The nails in my heart somehow manage
to make me think I'll wake up and someone
I knew for years will be beside me.
Sometimes the dreams I have of all of us
together
scream No at me
since I'm always alone at the bar.
They don't look promising.
Just living every hangover
alone.
Since I will now make a promise
to be
Sober.

Nothing can last forever,
Not even the greatest improvement
achieved and done whatsoever.
Great bodies and reputations are a phase and
happiness is for a day,
looking at others who have
what I lost
is the stir of
the fray.

Somewhere years ago
there was a fight that lead
to war then a ten second
attempt.
Somewhere months ago
there was a falling out
and secrets were deserted
then handed to others
Ears.
Someday back when I
Knew everything I learned
There would be change.
Sometimes my mouth gave
word and could not shut up
no matter how hard I tried.
Somewhere tonight,
I couldn't speak.
Didn't want you to
Know what really
Goes on in my
depressed life.
Never thought
Someday I'd be
Silent and did
Not want
To talk
About
Anything.