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Hate swallowing pills.
Reminds me of memories
I rather forget.
not a proper haiku, i know
Things I'm good at:
- Keeping A grades
- Public speaking
- Making people happy
- Pretending to be okay
- Sleeping
- Making a fool of myself
- ******* up my body
- ******* up other people's life
- Crying
- Giving up

Things I'm bad at:
- Guitar
- Patience
- Managing my emotions
- Self control
- Self care
- Sleeping
- Socializing
- Communicating
- Being a good friend
- Being a good "daughter"
- Being a good Christian
- Being a good person
- Being a person
- Being anything

- Poetry?
You cut me and left self-inflicted scars,
You tore me open and apart with my own hands,
You took something away from me that can't be replaced,

And now I will never be whole again.
A piece of my poem "Torn"
Playing on the multiple interpretations of the title.
Is it okay,
That I don't really feel okay today?

Everyone else seemed real happy
But I just felt out of body.

Everything felt like too much,
And I couldn't stand the smallest touch.

...Is that okay?
Okay that I'm having a kinda bad day?
They find ways to argue
                                      with their inside voice
                                                                              so that when anyone asks

They can say I was just being dramatic.


                                                                                    I pretend to not listen
                                          Keep my headphones on
Ignore my own inside voice

                                                                                And pretend its all okay.
too caught up with
school
to be writing poetry.

its all
circulation notes, immunology test
trigonometry with the tangents and roots
the middle ages, why Christians were jerks
3D printing rocket ships and bridges from sticks
the fifty-paged reading assignments
and, pourquoi est-ce que je n'ai pas tiempo?

but wait, its all wrong
falling behind, failing with 85s
of course it wasn't B *******,
and it was Franks all along
structures don't meet the load capacity over mass ratio,
and the hypothenuse - opposite - adjacent ratios tangle,
like how spanish is now undifferentiated from french
and theres still fifty pages of reading

and still assignments due 11:59
get it right on time
before and after Christ
the rise and fall of Rome
the fall of your sanity, rather
and heck, just ******* lie!
say that enzymes denature and B cells die
and the reason you cry is for your innate defenses
and pathogens and
not because its too much
its too much
its too much

who has time for poetry?
****, who cares about poetry?
me? hah, don't care about nothin',
just that I'm still fifty ******* pages behind.
school has been stressful as ****. I feel like theres constantly projects and tests and I've been going to sleep near midnight every night and I haven't had free time in forever.
I just feel tired, honestly.
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