I keep writing about you
day in and day out
I can’t help it
the words possess me
then keep me up at night
I’m jolted out of bed
just to breathe life
into these blank pages
now tainted with your name
verses about the way
you made me feel
stories about the love
that never existed

But what is it all for?
I look up and only your
o b l i v i o n
stares back at me

it’s ironic / i hoped that writing would help me release everything / all the unwanted feelings and pain / but instead the more i wrote the more i became engulfed by the sea of my emotions / by the very emotions i tried to push away / is that how it’s supposed to be / am i allowed to feel what i need to feel / but what if i can’t stop writing / what if i get swallowed whole before i could let go

I keep wondering why
it’s so hard to be human
happiness is fleeting and
we can’t win against time
we chase after the sun only
to burn at the last second
we get attached to what
we will inevitably lose
we’re already at the mercy
of our own minds yet
we keep hurting each other
it’s so hard to be human and
I keep wondering why

I woke up and
the sun still rises
the flowers still dance
the birds still sing
the world moves on
without you
while I am at a
standstill

I listen to my heart
and fall prey to
its whimsical detours
the way it marvels
at everything different
then naively
opens its hands wide
it gets blindsided
by love and then
forgot it ever happened

I listen to my mind
its cynical voice tells
me to put up walls
and don’t wish for
what I can’t have
everything is calculated
with fear and doubt
it drowns in loneliness
but at least that’s safer
than believing in love