You said you loved me.
I didn't believe you.
But when I said no,
you listened.
And that's what confused me.
When you were almost in,
and I was on top,
and I changed my mind,
you said okay, and didn't get annoyed.

That day, I decided I loved you more
than anything.
But when you left,
the sky went blank.
The stars went away.
Because why would they stay,
when the person who put them there left.

Why would the sky stay blue,
when you were the one who gave it that hue.
You gave me everything.
And when you left,
it all went away.
I stopped caring,
I went empty.
Every fire you ignited,
went cold.

The little girl you knew died.
The naive one...
That smiled all the time?
She's gone.

And don't even get me started.
On how I tried to find you in every
other guy that caught my eye.
That little girl looked for you,
she laughed
and smiled.
but eventually... she died.

Because you gave her happiness,
and you gave her life.
When she was so depressed,
she just wanted to die.
Because her limbs were lifeless,
until you touched them.
and your touch has long since faded.

He says he loves me.
I believe him.
But when I'm underneath him
and yelling no
he doesn't listen.
He'll shove his hand down my pants,
expecting there'll be no admission.

and I'm tired.
Because you sent fire through my veins,
and he sends ice.

We would kiss for hours
and you wouldn't make a move
until you were sure, that I wanted it.

The first day,
that I hung out with him
his room, was the first part of the tour.
And then it was his bed,
and it was me on top of him,
and my shirt goes off,
and his hand darted for my pants.

2 months together, you and I
and no *** was needed.
He wanted it the first week.
After 2 weeks
and 1 day,
he finally succeeded
and after that, he was never happy.
I was easy to please,
he liked it when I screamed.

Comparing you two,
is never fair.

It makes me miss you more,
and me only despise him.

but reality is,
He loves me, and he's not going to leave.
I love you, and you're long gone.

But no, was never a word in my vocabulary,
as much as it is now,
until I met him.
I say it at least 50 times, and he still doesn't listen.

"It's not **** unless you like it."
I guess, I can't blame him.
Because when he gets in.
I don't even try to fight it.

Please,
Just explain to me,
why when I think of
you, it sends shivers down
my spine.
Why I can't get rid of you.
You see, I have a habit
of remembering you.

How your nicotine
ashtray kisses tasted.
When you were on
ecstasy and the wind
got you excited.
How whiskey tastes like
the sweat on your neck
as I kissed it off.

You see, when you left
I had to quit cold turkey.
When what I needed
was to be weaned.
The addiction stayed
and you are the ******
my veins crave.

I met a genius on the train
today
about 6 years old,
he sat beside me
and as the train
ran down along the coast
we came to the ocean
and then he looked at me
and said,
it's not pretty.

it was the first time I'd
realized
that.

little dark girl with
kind eyes
when it comes time to
use the knife
I won't flinch and
i won't blame
you,
as I drive along the shore alone
as the palms wave,
the ugly heavy palms,
as the living does not arrive
as the dead do not leave,
i won't blame you,
instead
i will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.
little dark girl with kind eyes
you have no
knife. the knife is
mine and i won't use it
yet.

tell me someone will love me
fully clothed
and

tell me someone will love me
with blood on my hands
and

tell me someone will love me
shaking, trembling, convulsing
and

tell me someone will love me
when they're searching for gold and i am rustic bronze
and

tell me someone will love me
with veins ripped apart
and

tell me someone will love me
with a starved stomach and empty eyes
and

tell me someone will love me
when i am dying
and

i'm asking you
//please love me//

Let's get an old bus
And go cross-country
Let's count all the broken yellow lines
And the drops of drugs to the eyes
That we take a long the way

We've got Electric Kool-Aid in the fridge
And we're ready to roll
Literally and metaphorically
I want to vibrate physically
As I do spiritually
I want to spread love and peace
And good times to everybody

Take a drink of magic juice
and share the experience with me
Altered consciousness
a state of chemical well-being
That puts me at ease
All the colors and sounds
colliding
In my head in fantastic images
Of sacred geometry
The Flower of Life blooms
In my dilated pupils
And I smile

I can’t cope with my “dad”
Screaming at my mom
I can’t cope with my mom
Crying in the corner like she’s five
Crying like she lost a part of her self
Because she a part of herself when she married you
I can’t cope with living
With hiding my bruises
Scars
Scratches
I can’t live like this anymore