My Titanic’s slowly sinking
The mighty horns are blowing danger         danger
And the iceberg’s in my soul
No way now to read the charts
That might have found a safer route

Launched with golden expectations
To set new records on the wires
Steady progress, ever forward
Mindful of the precious cargo
Forging through the troubled waters

Then a squall blew from the north
All the maps were obsoleted
Other captains took the helm
Said they’d be sailing by the stars
But only they had eyes to see them

Battered by the winds of evil
Banners flapping in the gale
Sent a message of confusion
Warning help to stay away
Praying that it still would come

As the ocean laps my ankles
All the lifeboats are long gone
Every hope has washed away
And I must learn to love the water
That will be my final home.
LJM

There was a big heart that beat steadily in the name of duty
It beat strongly in the name of love
It beat for years beyond expectations
Until the evil crows descended
First they took a little nibble here and there
It must have tasted good
For they started taking bigger bites
Restricting the rhythm of the beating
A new flight landed to join the feast
And there was a year long frenzy
Soon there was nothing left but scraps
Pulsing weakly, yet refusing to die
So they got the elephant in the room
To stomp across it several times
And that worked just the way they hoped
What was left was scraped up off the floor
And thrown out with the garbage.
ljm

I don’t hear the thunder yet
But I see the black clouds forming
I don’t have a lightning rod
And I’m standing in a puddle.
                                           ljm

My emotions are a weather vane
Something my hubby knows
I laugh, I cry, I live, I  ‘die'
Whichever the way life blows.

I drown myself in salty tears
I sink to the ocean’s floor
Then I rise and build a boat
And row myself to shore.

I’m living in a hostile place
That wants to fry my bones
But I have Air and Water there
So you will hear no moans.

I take that back - there will be moans
Because that’s what I do
I weep and wail to no avail
And then I muddle through.

My pen lives in the shadows
While my life lives in the sun
Trust my perseverance
Until this race is run.
ljm

I thought that we were lifelong mates.
We built sand castles in the air
We rode the Ferris Wheel up high
And looked down on the park below.
We raced the horses on the carousel
And it was always you who won.
I counted days between playdates.

We had so many things alike-
Ideas, dreams and silly games,
I never thought an end would come-
That you, with no farewell, would go
And leave me in the park alone.
You cannot have a tug-of-war
With no one on the other end.

The music lost some of it’s bounce
The horses didn’t prance so high
I never really understood
If it was something I did wrong
Or some other outside force
Had pulled on you to walk away
And leave me in the park alone.

Then suddenly you reappeared
Brand new hair style, altered name.
I knew at once that it was you
And ran to fetch the ball and jacks.
But after just a dozen games
You whispered  “time to go again
And this time with no coming back."

I stood forlorn and watched you leave.
The other kids were saddened too
But I, who walked-the-dog with you,
Was torn in places I thought safe.
I loved you like a special friend.
Your leaving was a kind of death.
I’m orphaned now in painful ways.

I thought a year or maybe two
Of growing up and moving on
Would cure the hollow space you left-
And to a small extent it did.
But every time I pass the park
And hear the carousel begin
I’m taken back to those good times
And I cannot but cry again.
                                                  ljm

My precious Baby
My wonderful child
My headstrong teenager
Gone radically wild.

My breathtaking grownup
My source of delight
My hope that tomorrow
Makes everything right.

The decades have trebled
My efforts have failed
My key cannot open
The place where I’m jailed.

She’s made me a stranger
To the life she’s created
She claims that she loves me
But I sorely debate it.

She married in secret
I’ve not met her groom
I don’t think we’ll ever
Be in the same room

She says I am toxic
All know I am not
Her shrink is the villain
And ought to be shot.

I live on the outside
And only look in
On the life I created-
A game I won’t win.

I’ll swallow my heartbreak
As I’ve always done.
Still reach for redemption
And settle for none.
ljm

Something’s wrong with my poor Mac
It’s acting very strange
It may have had a heart attack
Or else become deranged.

It doesn’t do the things I say
Or function like it should
It wants to go a different way
And that is never good.

I try to save what I just wrote
I press the proper key
But when I try to find the note
It’s nowhere I can see.

The spell check has been smoking crack
It now speaks only Greek
I click it and it answers back
With words I did not seek.

So many things have run amok
I think I need a nurse
To find a cure with any luck
Before things get much worse.

So I’ll unplug it’s life support
And take it to repair
And hope I get a good report
And not news of despair.

I do not want another one
I just want this one fixed
I do not know which way to run
My feelings are so mixed.

If they cannot mend this thing
I know I will be sad
This Mac is not a Diamond ring
But yet it’s not so bad.

At least I know it’s ins and outs
And how to work around them
I just can’t stand it when it pouts      
And threatens me with mayhem.

So I must take myself off line
And miss a day or two
I think that that will be just fine
As long as I have told you.

I’m not the star of any show
Not everyone will miss me
I just want to let you know
So nobody will diss me.

For disappearing suddenly
And not hearting the daily
I’m vanishing quite thuddingly
But I’ll return most gaily.
ljm

Kneeling at the altar of the Sleep Gods
In supplication and in need
I plead for this thunder storm of stress to stop
And the lightning flash scenarios to abate.
My ragged sleeve of care needs knitting up
And I can not afford to buy the yarn.
ljm

Lured by the understated enticements
Of the fog that curls around my efforts,
I’m wondering if that could be the answer
To the questions that I’ve never ever asked.

There doesn’t always seem to be a floor
At the very bottom of the staircase,
So I’m wondering what what I will find
When I step off of the bottom step.
            ljm

When you borrow trouble
The interest rate is
Very high.

     ljm

As a reward for my two-mile morning walk
Among the cookie-cutter homes,
And up and down the gentle hills,
Nevada flings the meaning of spectacular
Across the dawning sky.

A band of clouds that looks like giant scrambled eggs
First turns a neon cotton candy pink
With blue gray in the shadows.
As I walk with eyes turned up and wide,
It slowly morphs to brilliant golden.

Gasping at the beauty, not exertion from the walk,
I don’t need to look where I am going,
I know my feet will find the way.
At length the brilliant golden clouds
Begin to fade to silver gray and I am sad.

But then the Sun climbs over distant mountain tops
No doubt anxious to take a bow
For the breathtaking overature I’ve just seen
That will fill my day with sunlit memories
And remind me to next time bring my camera.
ljm

Clutching a stumbled-on handful
Of my now-obsolete business cards
I fan them like a deck of playing cards
And bitterly weep on them.

They tell me I once had a job
That mattered in the lives of others.
They tell me I was good at it
And never meant to give it up.

But evilness reared up its head
With prejudice and cunning
And finally conjured up a way
To take away my meaning.

I fold the cards into a stack
And put it over to the side-
The tossing out will have to wait
’Til I am stronger than today.
                ljm

Words of wisdom from Pastor Kay Arthur

Sin will take you farther
Than you ever intended to go.
It will cost you more than
You ever expected to pay
And it will keep you longer
Than you ever expected to stay.
L

Thistledown on a gentle breeze
On it’s way to somewhere

Tiny petals setting sail
Across an Autumn puddle

Blackbirds sing in the Cat-tail reeds
And three puppies sleep in a tangle

I hold a cup of steaming tea
And sit on the front porch steps

As summer fades I recollect
The past year of my life

I didn’t win awards or fame
I didn’t inherit wealth

I finally learned to love myself
And forgive me all my failings

That opened doors I never saw
And gave me eyes to see

The beauties of the life I’ve made
And who I’ve come to be

The strength I didn’t know was there
The gentle hand I offer

I comforted that little girl
Trembling in a corner

Of the dark space in my soul
And told her it will be O.K.

The sunrise here is glorious
And we’re gonna be just fine.
                ljm

I want to be a kick-*** poet
I want to write things people read
And then say “******* !”
I want to upset the apple-cart
And kick them as they roll away.

I want to write words that will make
The reader throw the book across the room-
Then send him to the garden shed
To find a pitchfork and a torch
And sturdy cloth to make a banner.

I want to be a kick-*** poet
And move the shutters off the hearts
Of those who have it locked away,
And open them to love again
In ways they never knew before.

I want to clarify it all
In phrases understandable
So everyone who reads the lines,
That know the way to touch their heart
Will find some magic hidden in my words

I want to be a kick-*** Poet
Who’s thoughts astound and move the world.
To be the one they  listen to
When all else gets lost in the noise
And I can maybe lead them home.
   ljm

Been gone two weeks on a pleasure trip
Had a good time and laughed a lot
Danced a lot with a brand new love
It was exciting until the time
He turned into a heavy load
I needed to put down and rest.
He's packing up his things to go
And I just really feel relieved.
He's no one I'd want you to meet,
For Mr. Covid is his name.
                                    ljm

Floating on an inner tube
Just above the falls
Never mind the current
The joy of summer calls.
ljm

Like an old fashioned clock
That has been wound too tightly
And too many times
I don’t always get it right.
A few minutes fast
A few seconds slow
But the sun always sets
When it’s supposed to.
ljm

There is no hope for the hopeless
Nor help for the helpless.
All is blackness and despair.
All prayers are unanswered,
All dreams are faded into mist.
The carousel comes to a stop
And all the horses trot away
To where the music isn’t crows
Rasping in the nearby trees.
The sun is unforgiving.
There is no hope of rain
Or anything replenishing.
There is no reward for winning.
Effort draws a penalty.
Saving up means losing all
And the road is barricaded.
How many ways are every which
And how many turns required
To grow dizzy enough to fall
And know there’ll be no picking up.
The universe has only endings.
All new beginnings are in vain.
Only pain and endless darkness:
The new reward for a race well run.
ljm

This morning I’m a conscientious
Forty year employee.
At midnight I become a deadbeat-
Jobless with no prospects.

Used up like a paper towel
And tossed into the garbage,
Even though my weave is good
And I could soak up more

Of all the disrespect and slander
They mopped up with me daily
As I tried to be the very best
At what they cannot understand.

They will see their error soon
As puddles begin forming.
They will find their feet are wet
And all their clay is melting.
            ljm

At the exact moment when
My shoulders were their weakest
The load I bear was doubled.

In the autumn of my mental skills
The maze I have to navigate
Was rearranged by evil fingers.

While I tried to make some sense of it
The slender options I created
Melted in the blazing heat.

When my tiny flame of hope
Grew almost bright enough to see
It was blown out by reality.

And there is only desert left
Where desperately planted seeds
Will have no chance to grow.

Like a candle left out in the sun
My spirit softens and then slumps
Into waxy pools of hopelessness.
ljm

Drowning in pools of despair
That are almost ankle deep,
The uncaring who go stomping by
Keep splashing me with sadness
Mud that dries and bleaches out my tan.

Wallowing in bathtubs of self pity
I have no one to help me get
The temperature just right
And pour a few more bubbles in
With a towel held at the ready.

Gazing into mirrors of self doubt,
I see I’m not the first in line
For anything but second place-
And I was promised more than that
By the Prince on his white Stallion.

Hiding in the shadows of Narcissus,
I refuse to share my grief
With those unworthy to take part
In my universe destroying angst.
They only want to drag me to the exit.

I will not be moved by them.
I dug this cave with my own hands,
And I will not be forced to leave it
For some flimsy happiness
That won’t last past my lifetime.

What would I be if you took away
My special brand of ennui.
I’d be just another smiley face
In a world that’s overrun with them
And that I could not bear.

So go away - don’t splash the mud.
I’ll get my towel myself.
I’ll find a way to lose the race
And become a worldwide icon
As the Queen of Molehill Mountain.
ljm

C O N T E S T   POEM  FOR  SUNPRINCESS

He picks up the microphone -
The switch is already on
He pushes the button anyway
And that turns it back off
He starts into his maiden speech.
Nobody hears a single word
But he keeps right on talking.
I’m in the sound booth at the back
Visible in the window
The audience turns and looks at me.
There’s nothing I can do.
The mic has been turned off.
So I am forced fake a smile
And take the blame
For his stupidity.
           ljm

Hatred isn’t black - it’s not that pretty-
It’s that dun color greeny-muddy-brown -
The color of dirt around a rusted pipe.
It’s the color you get when you mix
Red and yellow and Blue together.
A hideous shade without a useful purpose,
And stirring in some white won’t help it.
The only thing to do is scrape your palate clean,
Wash out all your brushes and begin again.
ljm

I tried for days
To write a poem
That captures all
The joys that
We have known
And all the problems
We have solved.

I  made a list
Of all the times
Our tie was
Stretched near breaking,
And I marveled
At the unseen strength
That pulled us
Back together.

The years have not
Been kind to me
But you have been
Forbearing -
Always there
To lift me up
And keep us
Moving forward.

So as we start
Another year
We’ll face it all
Together.
In a bond unshakeable
That binds our love
Forever.
ljm

I want to be your playmate
Dancing on the bubbles of our joy.
I want to be your everything
Providing all you need and more.

        I want to be your hiding place
        When storms of life surround you.
        I want to be the face you see
        When you wake up forever.

                 I want to be a steady beam
                 To light the ways we travel.
                 I want to be part of your life
                 As long as God will let me
                              ljm

Like the Pilgrims of history and ancient lore
We celebrate our first Thanksgiving
In a strange new place, far from the home we left

We journeyed over tempest tossed seas
And there were times we feared our craft would sink
But it was sturdy, and it did not fail

The natives didn’t notice our arrival
No stalks of corn or pumpkin gourds
But neither did they arm for an attack.

We found a place out of the storms
That greeted us with drenching rain
And and lit the skies at midnight.

We learned the way across the river
To a place where there was food for us
And those who offered what we need.

In time we met some friendly natives
Who welcomed us to their tribal dance
And taught us the steps, and about the weather

And how to survive in this new land
Of rocks and hills and gullies
That flood faster then you can run

And the season of the long hard heat
When everybody goes to ground or runs away
And only dire need forces you outdoors.

We captured an unfamiliar bird
That looks to provide a decent feast
And we are grateful we can eat

And shelter safely in this new place
That now will be our final home.
And prove to us that God is good.
                ljm

Hindered by the need for practicality,
The song that longs to heal the world
Remains unsung.
The steps that would have mended broken spirits
Remain undanced.

Blinded by the need to see reality
The cotton candy dawning clouds
Turn stormy gray.
The breeze that eases all the doubt and fear
Grows into a howling gale

Deafened by the clarion call of duty
The cries of broken little birds
Cannot be heard.
The words that float on images of grace and beauty
Remain unwritten.

Stunted by the evil of aphasia
The verses that could have lived forever
Lie entangled on the tablet.
The Laurel wreath that had my name on it
Lies now withered on the floor.
                  ljm

Seven times seven to the seventh power
Will tell you how much I love you this hour.
If you tripled the stars and a few more could borrow
It would give an idea how I'll love you tomorro  
                                            

I’ll be there when you call
I’ll be there if you fall
In you I’ve found my future
I’ll be there
I’ll be there

I will watch while you sleep
I will hold you when you weep
My eternal love won't fail you
I'll be there
I'll be there
                      ljm

We don’t belong here
Among people who see
Only red in the kaleidoscope.

People who will burn down the candy store
To keep a foreigner’s kid
From maybe getting a lollypop.

People whose good will
Ends at the top of
A concealed leather holster.

We don’t belong here
In a place where the scenery
Goes off limits 97 days a year.

A place where the wind
Is often angrier than me
And covers things with talcum powder dust.

A place where no humidity
Parches eyes and nose and mouth
And water gives you kidney stones.

A place where those with shrunken purses
Huddle down in freon igloos
Longing for the place they left.

We don’t belong here
The shadows of our spirits do not match
We sing our songs in foreign keys.

We hide the face of who we are
And wear the mask of fitting in
No, we really don’t belong here

But here we stay because
There is no other place to go.
          ljm

You’ve left us in a world that’s ugly and cold
Filled with pain that won’t be assuaged.
Alone in a place with no compassion or grace,
We wait for your sons to come of age.

Our only hope of ever seeing you again
Is hidden deep in William’s smile.
Perhaps he can share all the love that we bear
And make all the sorrow worthwhile.

The profiteers have crawled out of the woodwork-
They infest every conceivable nook.
Hawking Diana-clothes and Queen-of-Hearts prose
Their avarice bleats everywhere you might look.

Am I any different, wanting my words
And those of my peers to be placed on your grave.
As I yield to the tears that will haunt me for years
I mustn’t be one taking more than you gave.

It’s curious watching what was known would occur
Actually unfolding before our eyes.
Any piece of the action gives such satisfaction
That we become subjects to drama and lies.

But we turn our backs on the items they sell
And refuse to play ball with the vultures
Who will not go away thought we weep with dismay
And wonder what happened to culture.

All the words from our pens are no match for our loss
And cannot diminish our sadness
As we plod through the days stretching into the haze,
Searching for some bit of sustainable gladness.

How can you possibly be not in our world?
What’s to become of us now that you’re gone?
Where are we, after the loss of our laughter
And how will we manage to just carry on.

We need your feeling, your beauty, and soul.
We need to share in your living.
You made us better by breaking the fetter
That taught us the value of compassionate giving,

You were the teacher and we avid pupils.
Sometimes we were slow, but eventually learned
That life is for caring and happiness-sharing -
Gifts received are greater returned.

You were the gift of the twentieth century
To a world undeserving of such
With red, weeping eyes, that world now decries
The loss of your magical touch.
ljm

In this modern age
It would be a sin
To be viewed as sere
But not as sincere
ljm

Half its contents stashed away
Or shipped to another state,
Primped, perfumed and prettied up
It no longer reflects who lives here.

It no longer echoes happiness
Or tries to hide despair.
It’s just another pretty face
Looking for a suitor.

It promises hope for someone new
Who will hang the walls with their own joy
And shed their sorrows in the garden
Beside the bubbling fountain.

It will be the gate to a neighborhood
And an enclave of belonging.
It offers safety from the storm
And the ravages of the city.

It’s up for bids beyond the price
To see who wants it most
Or has the deepest pockets.
With preference to those who’ll love it.

The house is open for the world to see
And guess about the owners,
Crying softly somewhere else
As they prepare, unwillingly,

To kiss a beloved home goodbye
And strike out for a new beginning
In someone else’s home, now theirs,
In hopes of finding Shangri-La
In the new world of Nevada.
ljm

Away for a week -
But my worst fear:
When I come back
Will you still be here?
                      ljm

The too-long constipated pen
Strains for movement
And it hiccups out a line
That joins the rest in
Mediocrity and dross.
          ljm

Plunging through the mud and brambles
We chase a butterfly we’ll never catch
Still we cannot stop pursuing
We push ourselves to go a little faster
Even though the tangled vines
Wrap tight around and scratch our legs

The seeping blood becomes a whip
To urge us ever onward
The butterfly with glowing azure wings
Lites long enough to give us hope
Of finally catching up with it
And holding all that beauty in our hands

But then it lifts and floats away
Leaving just it’s siren song behind
To echo in our longing minds
And send a message that tells us
The goal we seek is possible
If only we do not give up

No matter how we spend our strength
With aching legs and burning lungs
No matter all the meadows that we race across
The butterfly continues to float out of reach
And in the end we realize
That we must settle for a moth.
ljm

Waves of deep pure shimmer in the background.
A muffled roar of anger rumbles in the distance.
The white gardenia in a clear glass bowl
Doesn’t smell as sweet as memory recalls.
All the wight of merely being is a burden.
The cuckoo clock is running slow
And needs to have its chain pulled down.
The shutters on the windows are all closed
And the walls are painted in a cheerless hue.
The tablecloth is cluttered up with  nothings
That demand attention but give no reward.
The painting in the attic slowly ages
While the face seen in the mirror stays the same.
The creaking hinges of existence
Slowly start to close the door
And all the butterflies are left outside.
kjm

All that I am I give to you this day,
That you may share in all that I ever shall be.
                                      Ls

Madness moves me
That curtain is
  T  O  R  N
I scattered it
in purple shatters
on the shadow
across the sidewalk.
  from the  moon.
The whippoorwill
   S I N G S
out of tune
to match
a bad
    harmonica and
a rusty piccolo.
The box
that held it all
was auctioned off
    There was no
highest bidder.
The city
        trembles
from the
urgency of need
And none will make
    an offer.
Madness falls in
   L O V E
with unrequited horror
and gives birth
to pandemonium
  which is
marked down eighty-five
    percent
But only if
the flags are      flying.
Outside
comes in from
the cold
through windows
   with no     curtains
stepping over
purple stains
on badly
threadbare carpets
while
    the loom
goes right on
weaving
               *ljm

How is it possible to love that  which I hate so much.
What sort of mind-warp enables me
To seethe one moment and smile the next.
What eraser clears the blackboard of my anger
So an hour from now it’s empty and
All ready to be scrawled across again.

I don’t understand why I settle for moments
When what I really want is a  lifetime.
To be the yang to an extraordinary yin
Instead of mama chicken shepherding her brood of one.

Why am I above the ground when who I am
Was murdered years ago.
Aren’t the dead supposed to be interred?
Am I a zombie of neglect and co-dependence
Hulking, blind of eye and blank of soul,
Across an aching painscape.
ljm

I have no famous family name
I come from a very nowhere place
What I own is nothing much
So I have no help to give you.  

I’ve not accomplished anything
That went into the record books.
I  have no trophies or awards.
I don’t know how to help you.

The only help that I can give
Is in these words I’ve written.
I called them Rules to Live By
And long ago they trended.

Play fair
Wait your turn
Con’t cheat
Help the other guy
Don’t be cruel
Be friendly
Don’t be selfish
Be kind
Smile more than you frown
Care about the Earth and all it’s people
Take what you need
And leave some on the plate for the other guy.
ljm

Small surprises
Little disappointments
Tiny Malfunctions
Minuscule disasters
Rust along the edges
Multiple reasons why
The answer is a no.
                         LJM

One computer, two computer
Three computer, four
Shed a tear of happiness
As five comes through the door.

The last one was demented
Made life a living Hell
Devised new ways to torture me
And did it oh so well.

This new one is an iMac
Just like the one before
But maybe not as crazy-
I can’t take that any more.

The only thing I’m asking:
That it do as it is told.
Don’t make new rules in secret
Leaving me out in the cold.

Leave the curser where I put it
Don’t erase what I type in
Don’t correct my unique spellings
That is not a game you win.

Don’t crash just as I finish
Some complicated rhyme.
Erasing all my poetry
Would be a major crime.
ljm

Agony is dripping off of me.
It’s leaving puddles that will spoil the rug.
I’m tracking footprints of it
All across the kitchen floor.

My misery is a shrieking wail
That has the local canines all on edge,
And could entertain by breaking glass.

My hopelessness is fog so thick
I cannot see across the room.
It snuffs out any candles lit.

And yet you do not notice
You do not see
You do not hear
You do not know my flame’s gone out.

How am I to make you share
This awful death I’m dying -
Or must I do it all alone.
ljm

G          S           O                 I           T    
   A    E                 F          D    S    S      E
       L                                         A             R

W i n d s   o f   C h a n g e  

Breeze Of Hope

calm stillness

         ljm