It is difficult to be a man,
For I am not a typical one.
It is hard for me to go on,
There’s a secret that pulls me.

I loathe when my memories strike,
They hit emotionally with might.
I struggle so much to survive,
In a world so deaf towards my cries.

I look at a He and my heart convulses,
For I recall a He who gave me kisses.
I was young, forced and naïve,
I fought but He was much stronger.

Society might tell that I’m gay,
For I let a man violated me in a way.
But I’m not a ***** and I’m sure,
I play a role for which others envy.

When I was a teen I met her,
I admired her even if she’s older.
I was then shy and very timid,
With mental and emotional scars.

I thought of her as a dear friend,
Then she turned to be my worst fiend.
One instance she forced herself on me,
And used things that hurt me so.

A girl’s tactics differ from the stronger ***,
Tears she used first and blackmail next.
She was cunning, sly and very clever,
She stole my pride and my dignity.

My fears now mixed with anger,
My determinations got bolder.
I still cry and sometimes get lonely,
Like any other victim I want to fight.

I can not shout to the whole nations,
For societies will scorn at my declamation.
Both sexes forgot that I have feelings too,
I am also made of flesh, bones and spirit.

I am not proud of what I become,
Within me clouding reasons try to calm.
My desire is to win this battle to the end,
I am capable of vulnerability like any human.

But where does my right begin?
This universe has compassion for women.
The likes of me are expected to be steel made,
Yet I have feelings too for I am just a man.

As I put down this pen
To this pad and I write
All the feelings just flow
Like the stars in the night
All the fear and the anger
The guilt and the shame
Though it cuts like a knife
It releases the pain
So I bleed and the blood
Freely flows from my soul
All the lyrics come out
And I have no control
And I can’t tell you why
Cuz I don’t understand
How it all just appears
With this pen in my hand
It’s a curse but it’s not
At the very same time
It’s my brain it won’t stop
So on to the next line
It’s a skill that I have
That is freeing my soul
And I’ll use it until
I’m far down in a hole

Its all in or all out
There is no in between
Only twenty percent
Really know what i mean
You can lie with the dogs
That are snoring in hell
Or get up off your ***
It's your soul that you sell
I go up I go down
But its always the same
Now I sit in this room
And i'm wracking my brain
With the what and the why
Do I do what I do
Why I cant take the blame
And i;m pointing at you

Nightmares haunt
My waking hours
Evil voices sing

Raindrops cloud
Unearthly visions
Darkness hides unseen

Moonlight seeking
Hallowed places
Darkness smothers light

Madness laughing
Prayers unanswered
Lost within the night

Empty feelings
Broken soul
Abandonment of hope

Children crying
Fear consuming
Fog revealing smoke

Evil chants
Bring heavy silence
Revealing the unseen

Deep dark secrets
Mystic places
Everything unclean

I woke alone in heartache
A place I never want to be
My feelings turn against me
My soul begins to bleed

My teardrops feel like winter rain
Yet burn my eyes like fire
The pain feeds, Tearing endlessly
Killing every wish, desire

A hopeless state of consequence
I never ever want to feel
My inner light is faulting
Please God make this unreal

Waves and waves of cold despair
Are thrashing through my soul
My mind aloft with final thoughts
My heart collects its toll

i'm telling you.
the clouds were meant for the ground.
but they hung themselves.