How many years
Have I been dreaming
About sleepy kisses
I love you,
And that's all there is to it.
If I had a cut in my hand
For every time I wanted to help you,
I would be a never ending ribbon
Of torn flesh and rusted nails.
But it wouldn't come close to the agony
Of being unable to cease your pain.
I am afraid to hurt you,
But I am willing to do it
If you hurt me first.
So be careful, my friend
Or I will disect you
With my own emotion.
I've never been unable to catch my breath,
But your nails scratch over my back,
And I forget that the thing keeping me alive
Is the breath in my lungs,
Not your hands on my skin.
You make my nerves hum
But you're not here to sing along.
I want to live on a cloud
Where life isn't hard,
And people aren't cruel
Or accidentally life destroying.
***** this world.
Give it about five hours and I won't think this but right now, I hate almost everything.
Watch me scramble up the walls
Of the box I put my brain in.
I'll peep over the top
And call out about the things
I can see
And you wish you could see,
But if you saw the way you looked to me,
You'd think i was crazy
Because you look so **** radiant
And i feel so **** free.
Lust is like a butterfly
Caught under a glass,
Left in the sun
either you are creating problems where there are none,
or you are withholding the ways in which i can repair this.
i know you are hurting and you know you're being unreasonable,
but the difference is that i am trying to change these things
while you're holding onto them.
I want to cut you out of me,
But you leave splinters in my skin.
Where do I begin?
In removing you, I must remove a part of me
Only then can I be free.
Can I be free of you?
For a single moment, maybe?
Or am I doomed to live my life being happy
For a second
Only to drown in the guilt
Of not making you happy, too.
Motivate me to become a diffusion of blood in the sky of your happiest nightmares.
I really want to make you angry,
Because my heart will no longer be a play thing.
My head is clear and finally,
Sorry in advance.
I want to touch you.*
For such a tiny, silent action
The desire to do so is screaming
In my head.
May I have you back, now?
It's been too long
That I've not had you in my arms.
its been thirty eight minutes.
i lay there
for rather a while,
feeling the anxiety seep
back into my skin.
What do you hope to accomplish?
Do you want me to hurt because you do?
You tell me you were upset
But are now angry.
I don't love you back, and it's a crime?
My happiness is so sincere,
As is my care for you.
But its not love, so it doesn't
Mean anything to you?
Unrequited love hurts, but its been two months and I'm not nearly good enough to warrant this kind of anger.
I'm sitting here,
I've been sitting here,
Clicking and tapping;
Messaging all these people,
In the hopes I'll feel connected.
*I want to be held.
Your finger tips travel over me as I decide
That being in control
And aware all the time is tiring.
I let your hands and your lips and your teeth
Be the only thing in my world
Other than the cold of the air on my *******.
The idea of you wanting someone else,
Is almost as bad as the idea that
You're going to get very bored of me,
I had never considered the difference
Between good bruises and bad bruises,
But there are good ones on my skin
And bad ones on my brain.
Late in the night
Or early morning,
I long for your hands on me;
To feel the flutter
Of your eyelashes
As you kiss and bite
Down the skin of my neck,
Then *******, then stomach.
It is a curse to lust
After you so much,
To feel the echo
Of your fingers inside me.
My body responds
To the thought of you now.
I am burning up,
Set alight by you,
Your breath turning me to cinder.
Oh I wrote this about a month ago.. Oh dear
You told me
That you didn't want to have to dissociate
From my irrationality,
From my emotions.
I think that would have hurt me,
If i had let it.
As it so happens,
Out of spite,
Im going to do it to you.
Possibly one of the cruelest things you say to me
You don't make many noises,
But God, when you do,
I lose my mind just a little bit.
Burn my lungs
Until I am a coffin
For the ash that was me.
I was set alight
By feeling too much
All at once.
Whispers of cloud
Glazed by the surrender of the sun
To the cruelty of darkness.
But my life
Is never cast in the bleakness of night
When your radiance consumes me.
I keep trying to write,
Over and over,
But my words are reduced to murmurs
In my mind as your moans echo
Around and around
And I slowly drive myself
And there is nothing on this planet, or the next
That will change that any time soon.
You are the light in my eyes ,
And the bounce in my step
And the teasing smile as I turn to kiss you.
Be mine, for as long as you wish
Because in my heart, darling boy,
You have made a home.
I love you, so so much
It's a dangerous thing,
To want to be this close to someone.
But when you are skin to skin,
And mouth to mouth,
You just want to get *so much closer.
I don't want to die alone.
Lust is a strange thing,
That can turn you from
Predator, to prey,
Can make you pray
To a God you know doesn't exist
And beg and beg and **beg.
This is a power play, beautiful boy, and I'm starting to think I'm losing.
Excitement; I see you today
Reluctance to view the hours before you
But you'd be upset if I lived for you,
So I live for me
Breakfast, bus ride, business as usual
But a crying friend at the other end.
Heartbreak will find us all, darling,
I just hope it isn't at the hands of one another.
More food, more art, more friends.
No more crying, emotions are back.
And then I see you, purple hair and polished
Grin I've seen a thousand times but
Gives me strength to stand.
And then everything is so loud and so quiet
All at once, and everything is as it should be.
"Write about today."
I crave this;
I need this drug.
A chemical that makes me warm and calm.
Say pretty things, petty things
And overdose me on promises.
There are not the right words,
aren't enough words
just how much
I need to be hurt by you,
That I might tie you down,
And make you beg.
The sweet justice that can only be accomplished in a ****** up bed.
I am tired of being away
From the beauty of you.
Your little moans and sighs
In your sleep,
Or your rather big moans
And sighs as I touch you,
And ***** you.
Your giggles and snuggles
And the bickering.
I am so in love with you.
Because nothing stays whole for long.
Now that you know
What goes on in my head
I feel like touching you
People don't usually
Care to notice
But you do,
And it's that good kind
This is what it is to hurt, right?
People hold so much power that
What makes me happy is their choice.
I'm not going to do anything,
But if I show any attention to someone
Who isn't the boy I'm in love with,
I'm a cheater, right?
With tracks down your arms,
You said to me as we sat by the rails
How much you wanted
To throw yourself under
And welcome the thundering roar
Of the next oncoming train.
I hate you.
I cannot look at a passing train,
Cannot sit calmly and stare out of the window
Because every time I hear the engines,
I think about what you said to me
And the girl you promised to love.
*I hate you.
You still matter to me so much and I hate you. There are so many things which you have just ******* destroyed.
I've probably been lying about every single emotion I've had in the last couple of weeks, but it actually makes life easier than the alternative, *feeling.
Lust and love and possession
Have all merged.
Now what I feel for you
Is the desire to have you close,
so close to me.
Whatever way that is,
Just be close to me
And set my nerves on fire.
— The End —