I don't like
these feelings
I'm so sick
of myself
for feeling how I do
I don't understand
how you can tell me
such sweet things
Promise me a better life
as long as
we're together
nothing
&
no one else matters
So many talks of
this
never ending love
you've
attained just for me
I'm your dream come true
your one and only
But You hold secrets
& blatantly
talk to others
about me
Never have you said
one nice thing
in regard's to me
Whenever you've spoken
of me
It's been all the negatives
you've not mentioned your self
never about
your
WRONG DOINGS
&
not in front of me
Only all my problems
and how I make you feel
While taking advise from them
on us yet not once
have you ever truly come to me
Keep talking to them and making it hard
let the advise you right out of my life
& this here ****** up so called relationship
How funny
'cause you're pose
to be the one
to protect me
honor and cherish me
How can YOU ever
expect me to trust you
or believe in you ever again
when topic of discussions
have always been me
more so out of anger
yet none the less
I've never spoke
bad to anyone about you
even when given the chance to
I see no reason to do it EVER
so it'll only hurt the both of us
least that was my thinking
We're grown adults who have so many
ways to communicate
yet you rather
speak to others concerning me
You get a kick out of putting me down
& this helps how
by making fun of me or my mental
doesn't work either
not for me
or what we could of shared
so why do it and why hurt me
Everyone has issues
complications and problems
The ones between us
could have been worked on
You'd rather
speak to others instead of me
lied to me right in my face
as you looked me in my eyes
Sadly-pathetically so
I believed you and
you betrayed me
Caused me to to fall for
an illusionistic relationship
a fictional reality
I had a desire to be loved
above all else
Thought I was chosen
out of an undying
unyielding love
I've come to find this
isn't true
and it's never gonna be
I'll FOREVER
play
second fiddle
like a
monkey in the middle
Tired seems to be all I am
and ever can be
Sick of this burning
longing
to belong
to have someone
I call home
Because
if home is where the heart is
then I ain't got one
Your heart
isn't even close anymore
to
being
my home sweet home
'Cause I don't have
no more room
for all this so called love
or
what you kept showing
to be your type of love
My undoing
was you proving
* I've been entertained
by your delusional
despicable
deceptions
of a falsified
made up
"relationship"
We can't ever be
what
you've just proved
we
aren't
and
always will be
completely & utterly
STRANGERS!
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-Present
All right reserved
I never knew I was meant to be alone I used to think no matter what my past was it wasn't my present and therefore I kept this belief that there was someone out there for me and I wouldn't give up hope or stop trying to allow love in, now I know I'm pose to be alone, I've tried this so called love thing and have fail & fallen too many time, I'm no longer interested in being loved i love me and my kids love me family and handful of friends i am content as is and rather not know this type of pain again.... yet when it finds me lol I wont fight it but i'll not go searching or looking I'm not even gonna wait for it.
I haven't FOR about 2years and have no reason to do so now, just thinking and venting, past has a way of making me feel some type way. thank you all for reading!