One day I’ll realize the mountain I’ve been looking at for years, is merely a hill
One day I’ll notice that someone has always been searching for me.
One day I’ll describe life in a way That accentuates and revitalizes hope.
One day tears of sadness will be tears of joy, and the droplets will symbolize peace.

I empathize with the beauty others see, but never notice it shining on me.
I could could change my name many times, but never shed a leaf,
I look for God in waterfalls, I find many friends in trees.
Yet I only receive in answer, in the distant, whispering, breeze.

You tell me there are galaxies in my eyes
But I see heartbreak in your smile
You see millions on my body
While lies cover your lips.
You love me but your
Love isn’t real.

I’ve watched other people’s’ lives fly by
I’ve watched the children hopes die
As they turned to drugs *** and lies
Instead of carrying their weighted lives.

I’ve watched as the boy who once cared
Slowly started to despair and the hope
Disappeared from his eyes.
It’s heart breaking.

I’ve looked through old photos.
It’s strange how happy pictures
Are the first to draw my tears.
I forgot simply how much we cared.

I believe some people don’t realize
They have something until it’s gone.
Like the wisps of wind that strip our souls
Through days, months, years disappear

I don’t know why it struck so suddenly.
But that single dusty, haunted, picture,
The boy with inspiring eyes,
The motivational one who

Played all the games
Cheered all the fights,
Danced through the night,
As if he hadn’t a care in the world,

Spoke to me.  

Maybe the reason he’s drowning
Is the reason he drowned me.
You can’t hold my head up
While yours is so far under.

The waves of hopelessness
The foaming pits of his soul.
Each step was closer to the cliff
Yet I walked ever consistently.

I still fall,
Im falling,
Falling,
As the sky disappears I wonder,

Is this how it felt?
Is this how the boy,
With the soul-searching eyes,
Felt, when I asked him to love me?

I’m looking for your answer.
I want to grab it, strangle it,
manipulate it in my hands,
tear it out of the air
Force it into paper
And make it your answer.
Until it reaches into your brain
but pulls out your heart instead.
I want it to be beautiful,
I want it to be intricate
fashioned into words so descriptive
They give you tears of empathy.
I want it to smear into pictures
conveying your answer.
Because I am not your answer.
I will never be your answer despite
How much I wish I was,
How long I keep pretending.
As the breeze twists through the sky,
I reach up and I grasp
My fingertips tremble like
They are trying to reach to space.
I yearn for it to solidify
in my palms, but it doesn’t.
I can’t find your answer.
I can’t protect you,
I won’t.

It’s funny how I’ve tried so hard
to find your answer
when really I was looking for mine.
It comes to me like a cold shower,
like the morning sun in a window.
It’s wrapped up neatly in a thin box
But I decide I don’t want it.
I want it concealed, hidden away
With lost thoughts collecting dust.
Why can’t it leave me alone?
No more days where I am oblivious
Days when I thought I was sufficient
Maybe not now, tomorrow I said.
But I hear not tomorrow today.
After realizing it’s a facade
It’s not real, not permanent
I would rather live in the fairytale.
It’s hard. It’s like chalkboard nails,
It’s not music.
It’s not paint.
It’s not literature that takes you
Somewhere else and whispers
sweet nothings into your ear.
It’s me before you,
It’s reality.
Yet, somehow, I can’t believe it.

Dreaming

I ponder after midnight
What it would be like
To take the first step
In a right direction.
Since I want so immensely.
I want to live until I die,
Breathe until my lungs collapse,
Draw until the world’s on paper,
Pray until someone hears me,
Give until I have nothing left,
Laugh until nothing’s funny,
Dance until the music stops,
Love until my heart breaks,
Sing until my voice fades,
Learn until I understand,
And run until the night falls.
Life is difficult.
In order to begin,
I need to wake up.