Grief what a gut-wrenching  thing
She said it’s as a luxury
I say it’s a place to be .
The feeling of all things that have passed,
Displayed so miserably .

And although in misery  we should only find darkness
Something lingers ,shades of brown ,beige light
a veil that comes to hide all the sad and all the madness
leaving once again  this beige brown light

The same brown you find in photographic film
memories , souvenirs flashing before your eyes
a vague replica of the intensity it is
to move on and leave your heart behind

And when your smile becomes tears ,
you  finally realise that time is more than money
and we waste it year after year
not caring , living so shallowly

She said grief is a luxury
I say it’s a place to be
The luxury it is to have something to lose
To have loved and cared ever so deeply

What a luxury it is to be moved to the core
To live life in a way that makes our hearts yearn for more
Cause it’s beauty is blinding , we no longer see with the eyes
Living life in a way we are sometimes forced to mourn

In a world so big , so broad but small
We fall in love a couple times
sometimes less sometimes more
Wether you stay in your bubble
or talk to many people
There’s only so much you can do
So much you can search for

Walking down the street
Same routes same scenery
Same people same shops
Same sky and greenery
We think we’ve seen it all
Think we walk in circles
Tired of the same thing
Crave something experimental

Then I remember there’s time
How fast things change and get out of line
How blind I tend to be when I’m all up in my life
Cause how couldn’t I see you
See you were meant to be mine
I saw you on that street but didn’t look at you
Heard your voice in that room  but didn’t give a ****
I knew something was missing I just didn’t know
It was you I was missing , it was you from the start

How tiresome it is to hang on to fleeting things
Not really feeling at what moment they losen their grip
Realising that finally they don’t need you with in
Realising that it was just a fleeting thing .

How tiresome is seeing depth in everyone , everything ?
In a way that makes your hands ache from the aimless digging
Just to not find what you search for in it
Wasting so much time for a fleeting thing

How tiresome is  trying to be perfect in everthing?  
Failing miserably addicted to sin .
Drowning so deep, sorrow eats you within ,
craving to be more than just a fleeting thing

How draining is being nothing to someone who’s your everything ?
How much does it hurt one’s soul to be left vacant of it’s heart ?
Desperately filling it with everything and anythings
A pathetic attempt at fixing-

-what could be mended with a simple kiss.

And you look at your own flesh ,
Disgusted by the smell and taste
So you take on another one ,
Hoping it won’t make a change

The hatred reflects in your eyes ,
Of deep , now ***** brown ,
You can’t convince yourself you’re lovable ,
So you try others  until your capable

To feel it , drown in it ,
Allow intamcy in a way that’s from within
And you’re fighting , and you’re tired
You’re tired of losing , dying inside ?

And all that hatred is overbearing ,
You’re consumed with it but it still exudes from your pores ,
That’s the origin and cause of the foul smell you noticed
You tried to cleanse your soul , but there’s just more & more

And you blame , blame and blame , the only ones that loved you
You point your finger , hate and blame , the ones that loved you
Cause you know they won’t point back , hate back , by love for you
You will do it all , to deny the problem being you

Has your lame trickbook not been sullied enough ?
In a way that makes you barely notice its words ,
After each use , it gets a little more rough
Left with the guilt and the whole world

And that smell , oh that reeking smell !
Of all the things you hate ,
Of all the things you loathe
Including your poor self

I feel sincere and utter pity ,
That you’re unable to look at yourself in a mirror
Whether for your greatness and successes
shortcomings or weaknesses

You put yourself through things you simply cannot overcome
And you’re unravelled , faced by the consequences
Another mirror you close your eyes to
The mirror of consequence  

You were to speak words of utter and complete understanding
But wearing someone else's skin cancels out achievements
Did you believe you could bare the glory ,
but not the face of the enemy ?

Though your acheivements were clear as day ,
Written all over that face , so beautiful face
And just how you harvested the inability to conceive your heart made of gold ,
You harvest the inability to see things-not how they seem , but how they are told .

And so you move like an evil spirit ,
Shallow and insincere ,
You’d think you’d hate it up there, living  in fear
But you take a particular liking to that kind of mischief

You find power in the ego and the lie ,
Cause it blinds you enough from the inevitable demise
Blinds you from your biggest fear of sinful tides
That you get swayed  with no bark , and no fight

And it’s ugly .
All things are ugly in the end ,
Do some harbour the capacity of only seeing the good ?
The ugly is all I see in the end .

The  links that tie us are so beautiful yet so raw ,
Drowned in a color that is ours but also everyones
The links that tie us are of a deep red ,
running in our veins in a way that’s so coarse
I wonder if we’re the only ones .

The beauty we basked in before the storm removed its light ,
Still lingers in that beautiful soul of ours .
But it has  been sullied , beaten and rendered useless
By love itself , by the adoration , trust itself .

Love : what a destructive thing ,
No matter the nature , it’s way of functioning seems to be a never wavering scheme
One that is the most fulfilling sight you’ll ever lay your eyes upon ,
Before every crevice of the thing you once adored turns into to ash and bone

Its so fascinating , is it not ?
The way we tumble and fall , but still lift ourselves up
The way we get a little bit uglier , a little more lost  
At every twist and turn , we lose something that we were made of



And I’ve lost , lost so much in you .
May I reach for your heart , rip it from your chest to allow myself to feel full again ?
Or maybe -and only if you let me- would you let me retrieve my books from your shelves ,
I know you read them , understood them and bare with me , annotated them but they are mine ,
May I have them back ?

It’s in no way that I wish to taint you furthermore with my obligations and needs ,
But the things I used to give -and willingly so- are now missing me
Or I miss them , that besides the point ,
With them in your hands I fail to feel whole ,

So let me dissect your brain , to figure which part of every memory  belonged to me
To attempt to seek and find the things that now make you 'you' , that actually stem from me .
I’m sorry , or probably not all , I don’t seem to a give a single thought about you being empty
I just need the love you stole from me

This is a another classic instance of **** or be killed ,
In a way this for my survival , and thus I must ****
You , it all seems to begin with you .
All the things that hurt me , simply make you stronger
Cause I didn’t steal from you

And my heart weighs heavier than you on the balance of honesty

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUILD A HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF TWO WORDS ?
The first thing you will notice is the unbearable distance between the two .
How two words of  the same appearance and even touch , are so different in truth
How from once side to another , the weight changes from one to two .
There’s an infinity of numbers . between that one and  that two .
Oh to live in the middle of two words .

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUILD A HOUSE BETWEEN TWO WORDS
Convinced that despite the different nature , they’re from the same worlds ,
Not really caring if you’ve managed to capture it’s depth , or use
Although now those two words are separated by a whole universe .

Do you feel the instability of the foundation of your home ?
As one side sinks and the other elevates your being .
Had you used the same words with the right meaning
You wouldn’t be left failing on your own

Do feel the slight change of mood ?
The closer to heaven the happier you are ,
As if you reache for the stars and got the moon
yet still, you failed to realize ,
That precision a fundamental task  

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUILD A HOUSE BETWEEN TO WORDS ?
Saying ‘I like you’ although it already burns .
Claiming to not know cause you lack the terms
Pretending it all , when truly you yearn .

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUILD A HOUSE BETWEEN TWO WORDS ?
Using words ever so lightly they are left deprived of their purpose .
Changing everything like it doesn’t matter if it hurts
Forgetting words have power , and they can only be heard.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUILD A HOUSE BETWEEN TWO WORDS?
So that your living room is only nearly beautiful ,
your guests  struggling to find it’s essence
Knowing something here was meant to be fruitful
But was left in the corner collecting dust

The feeling of lingering fear in the air
The Result of all the torment , and the unsaid
Because clarity is the enemy of today’s world
Leaving everyone empty & astray

WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE BETWEEN TWO WORDS ?
Running in circles scared to reach destination ?
Convinced that somewhere in the achievement lies your demise ?
Cause what are we if not a living creatures ,
Designed with a beautiful heart and beautiful mind ,
We ought to share to the world .

WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE BETWEEN TWO WORDS ?
Saying you like them when truly you’ve loved them since a while
Saying a kiss is similar to a simple “miss” of focus
Claiming you know when you bathe in the unknown ,
Claiming you want when truly you don’t know

what benefit would there be for me to admit
to such shameful feelings
you fuel my every twist of hand
you make my poems the most refined
all my songs stem from the pain
you've inflicted to my heart
my most raw emotions and uncontrolled stem from your every action

what's the benefit in admitting something so destructive?
what's the point allowing myself to lose the one thing that keeps me breathing ?
cause how do I explain that my love for you leaves me for dead .
gasping for air ,
no more blood pumping my body
as it's core is no longer there
how do I explain my heart leaving me for dead
with  the sole purpose of running to you with it's fleeting energy left

how do I explain my heart leaving it's natural functions
committing suicide as without me it dies
for the the sole purpose of meeting your own?
like the mere presence of the one it craves is worth the worst kinds of death
the slow and heavy ones , that leads my vacant eyes to fathom the most untrue outcomes.

how do I explain that you drain me of all my being , with just one part of me being yours
Why did I fail to realise that in my chest was not where my heart lied this whole time
or that it belonging to you when you had abondonned me here to die