They're more than they seem
They hold the key to my heart
They know how I feel
They know what I want
They know what I'm thinking
I love them with all my heart
They're mine
Im their's
If they left i wouldn't know what to do
I love them more than anything
I love you so so much my love

My sibling is always there
If I'm dealing with the worst they're right there for me
No matter what i can tell them anything
They've been asking for a while to read my poems
Probably not expecting some to be about them
My sibling
I'll always love you
I'll always be there for you when times are tough
No matter what you can tell me anything
I cant wait till I can hug you
My amazing sibling

Why do I **** up every time
I bring trouble everywhere
No matter what
Trouble finds me
It haunts me
Always
No matter what i do
It will never change
That's how my life works
Why was i born?
Why am I here?
Do i need to stay?
Cant this pain just go away?
It's always the same
Day in and day out
It'll never change
That's how my life is
If I cut well that change anything?
No
It will cause regret
But i need to
I know it won't help but I deserve it

All these thoughts running through my mind
Racing
Running
Over and over
When will it stop
It never will
Are they happy??
Are they mad at me??
Are they lying??
I dont know
Im sure they're fine
No they can't be
They should be mad at me
Im not enough
They're mad at me
Why
What did I do?

Where are they when I need them?
When Im feeling down
When idk what to do
Why aren't they online
When I miss them so much
When I want to talk to them
Why can't I hug them?
Show them just how much they mean to me
Show how I feel

Im sorry....
Im sorry im not enough...
Im sorry i cant be there....
Im sorry i cant be what you need.....
Im sorry i cant give you what you need..... im so sorry....
Im sorry i cant provide what you need..... im sorry...
Im sorry...
Sorry...

Those thoughts are back.
Everytime I think it's gone
It'll just come back
I think I'm over it
But then i realize I'm not
I think I'm fine now
But im not
The thoughts will always come back.
The thoughts and feelings that haunt me
They won't go away
They never stay away..

Why do I always feel like I've done something wrong?
Like everyone is always mad at me
That I've done something to make you upset with me.
What have I done?
Just tell me and I fix it
I swear I'll fix it
Please
Please tell me what I've done wrong
I promise I'll fix it
I fix whatever you need me to fix
Don't leave
Not like this
Please

I try to hold my feelings in
To ignore the pain that I hide
The thoughts and feelings are so overwhelming
I try and try but they never stop
I need to feel
Although I don't want to
I need to keep going no matter what

I said id stop
I said id try
But everything i say those words
I know they're lies
While I hold the blade
My mind goes blank
My body does what it does
I have no control
Eventually the pain pulls me out of the trance
Then I see the effect of what I've done
The fresh blood..
The scars on my thighs and arms
The pain that will never go away

I cant ever find the right words to say.
If it's about love, depression, anything
No words
Sometimes no feelings
How do I express how I feel?
How do I show them how much they mean to me?
Why am I like this?
A messed up person
Cant go with given name
Cant go with the right gender
Wrong pronouns
Wrong hairstyle
Wrong clothes
"Be more feminine" they say
"Grow your hair out"
But it doesn't feel right
Then there's the other people
Do what you want
What feels right
Everything will get better
"You didn't **** up. It's ok. It's part of the process"
The words my sibling says when I relapse
The words that I'm starting to believe every time I sh
Its ok.
Itll get better
People love you for who you are
Just around some people
You have to fake

Im so sorry
I said I'd stop
I lied.
I said never again
I lied
I didn't mean to
I wasn't thinking
It was to much
Im sorry

My sibling
The one who helps me when I'm down
The one who makes everything better
The one who's showed me the good in myself
The one who makes me feel better when I'm feeling low
The one that says I'm the best sibling
The one who cares
May not be by blood
But they're my amazing sibling

Where have you gone?
My world has fallen apart
Without you here
Without you near
What have I done wrong?
Why are you gone?
Where did you go?
Where did we go wrong?