tw: ed--------

you tell me about your success,
but what have you gained
when you are proud of your loss?

less,
and less,
"just a little bit more",
you lose a part of yourself everyday
and take pride in it,
you open schrodinger's box
and you're glad when the cat is dead,
you **** yourself
in the name of "living well".

what did the child inside you do to you?

why do you starve it,
deprive it,
and punish it
for not looking sickly,
emaciated,
tortured enough?
why do you love pain so much?

but alas,
by all means,
go ahead,
hurt yourself more,
it won't ever be enough.
you know it.

blame yourself,
blame your parents,
blame god.
in the end,
you can take the kid
from the abuse,
but never the abuse
from the kid.

don't do unto yourself what they have done to you.

they will never learn.
i hope you will.

It’s so hard to grieve the loss of someone who’s still here.
Holding my breath just to hide the fear.
Where did I go wrong believing in ghosts?

We've all heard the quote.
We all know it's about taking that risk.
to me, that risk is the note I wrote.
The 'goodbye' video on the disc.

That risk is actually taking that leap.
and some days I regret not doing it.
those days I dig into my emotions real deep.
But i'm glad I didn't commit.

Pacing the dark hallway as the red and blue lights outside my house get closer, I can hear the sirens screaming louder than the voices in my head - I look down at my hands, red - I really killed him.. The smell of copper floods my nose faster than the tears form in my eyes. The front door slams open, yelling.. So much yelling, not just from the police, but from the voices that I can’t do anything about.. They told me to do this, I didn’t do it.


The voices are louder than the world could ever be.
I have to listen to them scream.

All day and all night, I get no break, and no sleep.
Makes you crazy, you know? Makes you feel like a creep.

Physiatrists prescribe meds, Therapists say that I'm *******.
I know I'm not crazy, just ill, and it's not my fault. I was abused.

I can scream back, and whine about it but they won't go away.
No, those ******* voices are here to stay.

A star always burns.
Even if it takes years to.
Nothing lasts forever.