Locked eyes
but only for a second
then dart away
like a forbidden secret

You’ve had a crush on me for a while
I was tempted
I indulged off my no boys diet
but only for a night
You were the pounds I couldn’t keep off
no matter how hard I tried

I knew I didn’t really want to lose you
rather embrace the weight

You are my friend now
but friends don’t call you in the middle of the night
having intricate dreams about another
or think of another right in the morning
fisrt thing on my mind

friends don’t look at each other they way they do with their boy or girl
friends can stop thinking about you

so I guess we aren’t friends

or at least, I’m not

Loneliness is a strange thing
Sometimes it longs for people
But when something comes along one can get scared
anxious
unsure
Now wanting and longing for the loneliness to return with open arms and a tight comferting hug
Where one knows it’s safe

Maybe she’s born with it
Maybe she works for it
Maybe she starved for it
Maybe she cuts
Maybe she hurts
Or maybe she just hides it so well

****

Am I in love with him
Do I love him?
Is this what love feels like?
Or
Felt like...

Did I mess it up?
I think I did

******

Studys show that when you don't trust your gut
you get the wrong answer

I should have trusted my gut
I should have stayed away
it was rocky
you pulled me in and out
like the tide
but you knew your end goal

I let the waves shake me
as I drift
into the unknown
of your heart
your trap