Oh, there he is.
      MOM, he's on time,
      I’m not on time,
      I made him wait,
      Am I annoying?
Oh, he's hugging me.
      He smells nice,
      He smells like he knows he smells nice,
      Does he like me?
      Or does he always smell this nice?
Wow, this movie theater is big and dark.
      I better not trip going up the stairs,
      I can’t be that clumsy,
      Oh, I tripped a little, oh gosh.
      It’s okay I guess,
      he giggled at me.
Now he's sitting next to me.
      Do I wait for his reaching?
      I lust for his hand in mine.
      We sit and watch the movie,
      and it almost seems like we're there to watch it.
Well, now his hand is in mine.
      Our fingers feel lovely, interlaced like that
      He grasps my hand tightly, but gently
      I can tell he is a gentle boy.
      I’m glad.
He pulls me in a little closer,
      His hand is on my waist now.
      It feels nice this way, but a little uncomfortable.
      Why do people do this in movies anyway?
At some point, our heads turn.
      And we take each other in,
      eyes traveling this way and that –
      observing what we have yet to fall in love with.
Eyes close, lips touch.
      The kiss... It feels new.
      I’m not used to such elegance.
      Sharing breaths, nervous breaths,
      I can feel my heartbeat rising.
We pause, you look into my eyes.
      We once again watch the movie for a while,
      but not for long –
He suddenly pulls me in and is kissing me again.
      'I can't let you see the end,' he says, and I smile.
      I didn't want to see it anyway.

‘I don’t trust you anymore,’ I said.
It was playful, as it resulted from a humorous exchange of kisses
in which I was seduced and then kissed in such a way that provoked a cringe.
I was feigning frustration as I giggled, as I had been fooled once again.

Though, when I said that, he let out a little whimper.
The implication of what I just uttered, had it been sincere, was momentous.
At the same moment, we both knew.
‘Oh baby that’s not what I meant, I trust you with my everything, just not kisses right now.’ (laughing)
He then kissed me deeply, and things went quiet again.
Running through my mind, constantly –
‘I trust you with kisses too.’

Trust is a fickle thing.
Twigs fallen from trees look quite elegant until you snap them in half and try to put them together again.
A spine can recover from being broken, but not without suffering.
I suppose I don’t really understand at this point –
I have never had half of a broken twig in my hand,
and I have never had the feeling of spinelessness that must come with losing who held me up.
I have never had those kind of tears in my eyes.
I hope I never do.

Most sticks get stepped on in the end,
and that is why I am afraid.
I cherish so greatly our moments intertwined,
laying in my bed,
laying on the couch,
sitting in a classroom.
My body is still my body, and your body yours,
but sharing mine with you and having yours shared with me
is when my body feels comfortable on this earth.

I got in my bed tonight, and I took off my bra.
It was done up in a way I would not have done it up.
I keep it tight, tight enough to leave imprints in my skin.
‘The tightest setting,’ I always tell him.
Tonight I didn’t remind him, and I discovered it to be on the loosest setting.
Intentional or unintentional,
I felt love when I took it off.

1. His hands travelled over my back, reaching for the edges of my bra that he had undone.
       I was comfortable without knowledge of my clothing’s organization.
2. He was fumbling in the dark, and his fingers landed on the clasps keeping my bra loose.
       I’m not sure if he’s tired of seeing marks on my skin
       or if he just unconsciously assumed it shouldn’t be too tight.
       Or maybe it signified nothing at all,
       and I just am always finding new ways to love him.
3. Tonight I feel him all over me.
       Hands on my skin, words in my head.
       The lullabies that the movement of his body sings and the beauty that grows with every word he speaks
       are overwhelming the whispers of sadness and anxiety within me.
       His love drowns the negativity out of my soul tonight.

I’m not sure of anything.
Whatever trust is, I don’t think I could define.
I only know we have it.

‘Right now they’re dancing in a barn, like in footloose,’ you told me.
We don’t need to know how to dance.
Our love is lying curled around each other on a couch,
talking for hours.
While we sit, our souls are everywhere and nowhere simultaneously.

‘They even dance in math class.’
You –
always on my mind, always,
dancing with my soul.

Well, tonight they’re dancing somewhere else.
They’re dancing alone together to the sound of the record turning,
twirling around an apartment overlooking the night lights of San Francisco
at 3 in the morning when our half of the world is asleep.
They couldn’t care less about the rest of the world;
they’re stuck in their own gorgeous equilibrium.

Tomorrow night they’re not dancing at all,
Our souls are still in that much-imagined apartment in San Francisco,
but tomorrow night she is laying on the bed we share.
Tomorrow night he is grabbing a bottle of wine and climbing in with her.
Their lips are dancing tomorrow night.

The perpetual waltz of empathy,
the swing of our daydreaming,
the rhythm in our time spent doing absolutely nothing.
I live for each and every dance.

What I am, I don’t know.
What I do know, however, is what you are.
My eyes have traveled over your person for hours, and I have studied your intellect.
I observe, I don’t make conclusions –
for that would be a sabotaged investigation of the potentiality of your existence.
The ‘you’ I speak of is nobody at all really,
it is the world around me in all of its embodiment.
I soak in the culture as I live amidst the chaos,
and my mind becomes oversaturated with sensation.
In San Francisco, yes, San Francisco, the sweet smell of diversity,
the push of movement walking up Powell Street and the creak
of the old elevator in Rasputin Music.
On top of a hill in Indian valley, a moment of freedom –
the air and I, we hold hands.
The wind and I, we run along picking daisies off their stems
until only the unwanted ones are left standing.
In the middle of a crowd in Golden Gate Park, waiting for the band to appear onstage;
I don’t know his name or hers, but they are very close to me.
Sitting here, on my bed,
flipping pages and pages as books progress;
if only my own storyline were half as intriguing.  
Way up here in the air, this plane’s motion makes me tremble.
Occasionally I am distracted by the beauty of what’s outside the tiny window,
and the feeling of omnipresence I attain pushes past my anxiety;
the world is below me and I am defying its weight.
In precalculus class, I reach a strange state of tranquility;
I can finally revert to the robotic motion of pencil and calculator,
a momentary lapse from the stress of the day, and the world.
All in all and end in end,
poems are poems but it mostly depends,
everything is contingent,
and it’s all ambiguous of course.
That may be description of the world – or rather, one of myself.

Tonight feels like salt, but not enough wounds to pour it in.
There is no relief, no distraction
from the feeling taking my lungs' motion away.
I can't breathe, I can't see,
stasis and the puddles that accompany it.
The crushing grip of unproductivity
shakes my soul as a giant would a doll.
Wasted, wasted, another day wasted.
When will the spaces on the clock be worthwhile?
I am perpetually shoving myself off of an edge into a pit of something menacing,
I can't seem to give up on tearing down my own walls.
Two lines, or three, streaking down my cheeks -
a signification of my misery for everyone to see.
Embarrassment, now comes he -
with his lance, sticking it straight through me.
Stop looking, everyone stop looking,
I can't do this anymore.
When tears do not reveal my weakness,
my expression does.
I am quiet, disengaging from what I enjoy -
and they notice, how dare they notice,
I  don't want them to notice!
Curiosity and compassion are two very different things,
and the former is in overabundance.
I feel like a raincloud must, though I don't attain a pleasure of release -
my eyes spill out my insignificance,
therefore it is endless.

It’s time now to think again
To revive the past and also to rejuvenate
Time to think again

Let’s give it a second thought
Let's forget and forgive all that what went wrong in the past
It’s time to move ahead from the past into the present
It’s time now to execute in the present.

A desired line of action needs to be followed keeping in mind that everything will fall in the right place at the right moment of time
While doing so it’s important to keep a positive frame of mind.

It’s the urge, the willingness, the passion, the sheer exuberance that counts
It’s the experience that matters
It’s also about learning something new
It's time now to rise after a fall
To forget about the failure from the past and then move ahead to do something new
Definitely it takes a lot of time, but seldom it’s true
Experience is something that each individual should have of his own
Once an individual becomes experienced, then definitely he can cherish the memories and golden moments from the past
Definitely experience comes along with time and the unflinching desire to achieve something in life.

When your eye first caught,
a passing glimpse of mine,
all the world was not
in response to you, divine

If my love, by you were to be received
hand in hand, pulled in tactile knots
a love story, to write and to read
all other essences forgot

Join me, as one essence
conviviality of our arms
to watch a moving picture, mesmerized by luminescence
unequivocally present, a moon and its stars

Walk down our favorite street with me,
as I jump on the red fall leaves
my radiant smile back at you, sweet
a kiss forever carefree.

When day or night collide with frantic circumstance,
I'm left to pick the pieces up of sacrificed romance.
Could it be that I'm the unlucky one with nowhere left to stay?
Though I'm not pining for the moments that I passed along the way,
or the shades of broken people that are too afraid to heal.
They've left their hope behind, dressed in threads unreal.
Their heavy hallowed hearts are covered and still too far behind
and burdens burn their words when they lie and say they're fine.
Still, beauty spins from every fragment ruptured from their skin
as eyes and teeth twist together in a whirlwind of a grin.
I'm trying to be a full person, from my hair down to my feet
and stare down every obstacle while beaming from my seat.
For fortune has no favor, and I have no power to make it sway.
There's nothing you can do for me but close your eyes and pray.

A part of my died last night. Well, I don't know if it so much as died as it just vanished. I think I lost the most important part of a soul. And that's the capacity to hope. I sobbed from dusk til dawn because part of what made me human walked out on me. How am I supposed to find happiness without hope? Without love? I kept my chest cracked open and vulnerable for the chance that he would take me back. All I have now is my dying heart and the final truth that I will never call him mine again. I feel as if I cried my soul out yesterday. I'm just a walking, breathing robot. A phenomenon of nature! I don't feel phenomenal. I feel like I'm doomed to a life of numbness. I lost love, then I lost the hope that love would one day fill the empty spaces in me again. The loss of hope is the loss of humanity. I grieved for the disappearance of the self that I had been. I am different today. Colder, less compassionate, slightly less alive.
When I woke up this morning, my ribs felt as if they all broke overnight. But I know that the crows outside my window must have finally gotten in. They had been picking at my bones, trying to get at the decaying flesh underneath. And I let them. What's the point of salvaging something that is past the point of no return? I think the worst feeling, the feeling that can break a person in half a second, is hopelessness. And when you walked away from me and half-heartedly said, "I'll always love you even if I can't show it," I felt everything but hope for a better tomorrow. Sorrow. Anger. Frustration. Grief. Desperation. Haziness. Numbness. Lifeless. Hopeless.