"he probably did it because he liked you"
no ****
but that's no excuse
he should've just told me
maybe
even though I don't like guys
we could've been friends
but no
he had to take it too far
because he didn't want to take no as an answer
so don't give that *******
he ****** up
and he knows it

Silent Screams
In my head
My heart
My mind
My bones
Almost constantly

They’re quiet enough
That while standing right next to me
You hear nothing
But loud enough
That it’s all I can hear

There are very few
That listen to them
And more so
Understand them
Maybe even have their own

I know most
Don't hear them
Through the walls,
Through the bathroom stalls
Or at all

But they are so loud to me
That sometimes
All I can do
Is sit there
Tears rolling down my cheeks
Begging the monsters
(or maybe just me?)
To calm down

Of course you feel alone
People don't show when they feel bad
Scrolling on your social media
No one shows imperfection
Or the reality of the world

Of course you feel alone
There is no question in
"Are you okay?"
But a cue to say
"Yes"

Of course you feel alone
Because people cover up their scars
Are wear their masks all day
It's not just you
7 billion at least

Of course you feel alone
We're told
"Don't cry"

Of course you feel alone
If everyone is scared to be honest
Because we have a different opinion
We all might end up lying
Just like the other day
When someone told me
That they actually liked the book we read in class
As if it was a crime
And she was the only one
...
Three other people told me that

Of course you feel alone
And even in that
You're not
I'm right there with you
And so are billions of others
At some point in their lives

Doctor said
I just need rest

Came back a year later
Still messed up in the head

Doctor said
Just drink more water

Came back two years later
After I took a test and it said I was depressed

Doctor said
I'd be fine
I just needed a therapist

Came back one year later
After 4 of them
Not feeling the best

Doctor finally said
There's a problem
And set me up with a psychiatrist
To give me meds

I hope I won't need to come back again

she makes me feel
like the moon
like a spoon full of love
and a rune of old memories
like a warm hug
that goes on until the end of time
its only been weeks but her love
its makes me go AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

self-deception gets
stronger, as i get older -
not any better.

watching them go away
not giving a slightest hint of attachment
like we didn't just clicked
like we never became the center of the atom
when i exist as a neutron
and she is the proton

at the end
i could never effect her charge