To the love I never had
With a drink in my hand
Although the days were never bad
And enemies never glad
I'll still be sad
Even if only by a tad
For the love I never ever had

Shout it from the mountains tops my friend
The fact that you have a voice
Let them know that you stand at the head not the foot
There where so little people find their feet
There where the air allows your words to echo
And let's them travel on their backs until as far as eye can see
And words can exist

I took some time off yesterday
But, to my dismay
when I came back the world was still the same
not a speck on the leaf was out of place
And I had a feeling no one knew I had taken a break

let's dream together
let's be fools for just a moment
step out of our bodies and let the action be its own atonement
let's slip in the space in between
being an adult and being a human being
and watch the two from both ends just to feel that sort of feeling
let's be on half of a whole
let's be the inside of a fold
bent at an angle that for once we've created all on our own

She had a crowded face with sterling grace to it
The clouds in the sky couldn't match its coldness
But she drew me in with a loveless flick of a shoulder
And I was a rabbit in a hole
A panting deer to the slaughter
She had me with the hooks attached to her sides
And like a jockie on a stallion
I attempted to ride
But I was swallowed by the current brought in with the tide
Folded in between waves that would never subside
Yet she was my guide
And pulled me out and care for me until I dried
Turning rich and golden but the bay side

I tried to find reasons to hate you but I couldn't
So I turned my face to the things that I shouldn't
And saw the things that I normally wouldn't

Spent a night in the puddles the rain made on the roads
The roads that leads anywhere but today I'm too cold
There are holes in the blankets so heap mine into folds
and try my hardest to blend in with the mold
Not that they'll see me if I stood on the roads
Or under the bridge with the spiders and trolls
but on the M5 there's a lot to behold
Maybe faces and smiles with riches manifold
But there's a whole day ahead before the end of my rope
There'll still be breath in my neck then I hope
There'll still a beat in my chest then I hope
So I can crawl into my folds with the others who know
That there is an art to being cold...

You were an iceberg passing by my ship
Who could so easily have sunk me with one rip
But I'm grateful for your mercy once upon a time
Because I'd willfully touched the ocean floor if you became mine

In the gallery of us
There is one picture wearing no paint
And I look at it endlessly as I wait...

My flowers will bloom whether you stay or go
There will never come a day where they will not grow

I really like you but it's hard enough being a fool for you
To be uncomfortable with every single thought of you
You wear that frown upon your face
I hope behind it hides your grace or something beautiful
If you've got scars in hidden places
Although its charred,  I won't be wasting something beautiful
But can heaven not see you're good?
Can heaven not lend a hand?
Can heaven not open its gates for him?
Help me understand
How a man
Can feel like this?

The pain is only here for the moment
The moment is all that exists as we live and breathe
And move from one to the next
In the long train track of life
So one painful moment means one painful life
But life just for a moment
The same life that can be beautiful for another
And peaceful again for the other
But for this one, its painful
Be it just for the moment

She don't wanna know him
Says that she gets lonely
But she loves the space around her hands
When she stretches out her arms in both directions
She throws away love
Like people do old rugs
She won't need a hug when she could rather dance
With her veins fully attached to a heart with no dissections
She gives herself kisses
Bares herself witness
You don't need a person just to feel emotions
Maybe slightly out of focus but you could have a moment staring at your own reflection

In half a moment there's a storm coming in
Because you see yourself as a man in need of travesty
In the same moment you'll pour a cup of tea
For a world that wasn't build on camomile and honesty
You're a little mean
And evergreen
But thats just the role you play in this
In solidarity
I'm stirring a cup of tea
With a drop of honey and confidence...

I patted down my pockets to hide the bulges of passion you left curdling through me after you walked past
And I knew I was different
And the Lord would never permit the want I had stored up for you in my heart

Its unfair that I spend my whole life being poor
And that the idea of money follows me around even into deep sleep
Every day has a monetary value because time is money my friend
Zar hovers over me and hides in the corners of my eyes
he tied himself to my ankles when I was born and as a consequence I'm forced to drag him along with me as I climb the account balance ladder
never able to reach the top because of the weight bonded to my feet
I drag you around, you are now my shadow
Oh lord zar who resides in the house of wallet
The more of you I have the more I want
So I'll spend my whole life being poor

Love the Lord with all your heart
Whether you love nothing else
Yet you'll love every rock your feet touches
Love the Lord with all your heart
Whether you find joy in nothing else
Yet joy will seep out of every open valve
Love the Lord with all you heart
And your heart will become love
And each blood cell that is born inside it
Will carry it's grain
Aggressively swarming through your veins
Until you become love
And it's all you are
And every step you take leaves it behind
Spreading it like pollination

It smells of flesh
A smell so fresh
So full of vest
It could rip best to shreds
That potency of want
To want so much that you would hunt
Passion driven ambition
Taken to head and turned to ammunition

I've a stiffness hurting my wrist
But I'll hold out my hand and blow you a kiss
Bury your face in my neck, I insist
As I buried my heart in your fist

Amidst the mess and troubling things
Is a single strand of hair brought in by the wind
Lands on my woolen shirt to rest on my chest
And the world moves on, one strand less

My dreams chase me
They chase me as if I've stolen something from them they they need back desperately
And I run because I'm following a fear
The fear that if they catch me they'll consume me whole
And then there'll be nothing left of me to chase
And my fear will get so far away from me that I no longer see it anymore
So I'm forever moving in a limbo between running away and chasing after at the same pace
And slowly getting absolutely nowhere

It rained twice since I've met you
And my clothes have still not dried
So I live my life drenched in rain water
And forsake all sunshine until the end of time

My stars are dimming
But the night sky will go on living
Sharing light
Raging agaisnt the dark
And it will do so unfailingly until the end of time
And it will do so unfailingly without me

Disliked
And Unwanted
I Stood There
Heart Dripping In My Hand
Loving Myself

He wears a choir around his neck
They sing him praises underneath his vest
So when the world gives him hate
He hears nothing they say
And goes on thinking that he's the best...

I was never a child
I was always an ageing adult
Half chocolate
Half a middle aged twice-divorced man
Searching his memories
For the moment he departed from the school yard and built a life on the sand
Where his chocolate half melted in the heat of mid-day
And left him half a person
Half a puddle of sticky mess
Warning people
With signs and sirens
Not to slip on the part on him that got away

Sophie, does your mother know you're here?
Has your dad any idea you're out with me tonight?
You have but 17 years to your name
You're smiling at me all the same
Like the rivers and the oceans couldn't keep you away
You're sailing off to neverland in my car tonight
And you'll be gone with the light
Cheering cans of beer, glistening ear to ear
Like the princess that you are

And so the lark sings
To the day's first dawning
Some dusty motel
Sees a woman fawning
And at once it's all over
For naught but for wanting.

The emptiness in my heart fills up my head
Silent motion in the dark that crowds up my bed
And I feel so light
I'm barely making a dent in my mattress
Now I fear the doubt is starting to compliment my sadness
I'm an open book
But all you'll read is dampness
If you like scribbles maybe you can untangle this madness
Cause Lord knows I've tried but I end up on a blank page
And I'll spend my weekends filling it up for days
I'm fond of the clouds
But I adore the sun rays
I hope can still hear the laughter
Everytime a child plays
Locked in my room where the covers they smother my mood
Until all this gloom somehow becomes understood

I'm surrendering to not knowing
And I'm taking each corner like a bird set free
With hope of experiencing how blissful it might be...

So I dance
Because it takes nothing from me but a little bit of energy
That would've been wasted standing still in any case
Might as well share a moment with a crowd
And be a part of a movement for just a moment
There is peace
There is one
There is freedom
I wish the world was a dance floor sometimes
Not all the other things it learned to be
I wish we could use just a little bit of energy to dance together
Instead of waste it on other things that cause us to stand still

For goodness sake
My heart still beats
Air still crashes through my lungs when I breath
Veins still spit blood onto my skin when I bleed
My eyes still follow lines down pages when I read
My thoat still expands and contracts when  I eat
My waist still leads to knees then down legs to my feet
And someday you'll remember that  I'm still a human being
Even after I acted beast when I said those things

I wonder of Im remembered
And whose doing the remembering
Do they see a person I know
When I pop into their minds eye
Or is a version of of me of their own design
I guess thats not for me to decide
But I do wonder from time ot time
If I hold a place in another person's mind

A mouth that lies
Is a mouth unwise
And turns around
And pokes fun at my insides
And breaks my soul
And it bleeds out whole
So the thruth I withhold
Remains the thruth untold...

How lovely it is to be lovely
How clever and cunning to have aquired such a charm
How absolutely lovely it is to hold such a power in your palm...

I've been lower down on the hill since birth
And I'm jealous of those who are higher on the list
Who never felt or feared the thirst
Of those who didn't get to get to the top first

Candles melt
They melt on tables
And leave thick lumpy messes
Messes that I'll eventually clean up
After I've blown the candles out
After you didn't walk back in
And allowed the smoke to taint my dinner

Don't touch me
Because i want it
You have someone who wants you the same
Waiting where you left her
Where You've built an alter for you two be rest on
So don't touch me
Because I'm on the outside
You have someone who loves you
You can't have someone who wants you too

The light reflected off his jawline
It made the sun seem like a dim light swinging in a damp basement
I suddenly felt angry at my knees for giving in under me
But those arms
Well, I could never be made at them

A river flows against a part of me
And washes away the heart of me
oh that a drift
could be so swift
That it rinsed
out the bits
and pieces that were burnt

I always choke on words like "us"
Its not something that rolls off my tongue
Its simple to most
But leaves me pale as a ghost
But nothing scares me more than words like "love"

i sold out
i'm sold out
i filled the auditorium
because i advertised what they wanted to see
but i'll rather cut myself on mirror glass than look at me
i show you you
because you like you
i like that you like what you see
but it's not me
my smile is known
because it's already been shown
i'll rather cut myself on your teeth that smile with my own
you like my fashion
because i'm wearing your skin
its neat and clean
but it's too tight for me to fit in
i look like all your reflections
but watered down versions
plastered up images that show year round
nothing new
its just you
but its image filled room
i wonder how much people would still remain
if they knew they were looking at me
dressed in your face

The sky looks wider from inside a box
Said the seeds from amongst the rocks
And boys in school shorts before they're lose
Now remember those days from from their past

Your texture
Your waves
Your smell
Your growth
Your glow
Are things that form my love
And I only want someone who loves you as much as I do

My bed is my bed
There's no place I'd rather be instead
It's where I lay my head
Down to rest
My bed is the best

He was a man
He was much bigger than me
His heart bigger than his chest and it towered over me

We were lovers of the worst kind
The type you don't tell you friends about
That you don't really wanna talk about
But you have every thought about

Quality silence
Hearing the jerking and workings of the world
With enough peeps funneling through for the room to be filled
Yet over and under our talking occurs
And we converse for hours without saying a word

Around the moon and slightly ajar
A man sat down his eyes to the stars
A wish he made on a star he gazed
That tomorrow he'll get to see her again

Perfection
I chanted at my reflection
As if answering a question
asked by their rejection