Good things must end too quickly
And bad things must prolong themselves.

It’s hard to see the light when you are blind.

You tell me to communicate
I try but you don’t listen.

It’s hard to tell you everything
When to you I always say the wrong thing.

You always think I’m lying,
Because I have lied before.

So now I have to lie again,
I have to bend my truth to your will.

Why won’t you accept me?

I am not poetic,
I am not pretty.
You want to hide my chaos,
I refuse to be neat and sit still.

I know you want my fake,
But I care about my real,
I don’t want to hate,
I just want to feel.

You want me to be charming,
Instead I’m rather alarming,
If I’m such a disappointment,
Change your expectations.

You think you’re gonna save me
But all you do is harm.
Sugar-coated words
Mean nothing to me.
Because sugar-coated words
Are coated in venom, not sugar.
You say you don’t want to,
But I’m not sure.
If you didn’t want to hurt me,
You wouldn’t.
You’re starting to become a Predator,
Your composure is fading away.
Your armor of lies is breaking,
And my defenses are disintegrating.

I cry for no reason,
You see me as weak.
But you haven’t seen me smile yet,
I think you would change your mind.

I think my salty tears
I think they really scare you.
Because you run away at the sight
Of emotion bubbling up.

You look at me like I’m insane
I probably am.
But at least I’m not a coward,
Unlike someone here.

Your marble eyes
Well up with my tears
Why must you
Be so empathetic.
I pulled you in a mess
That you asked to be in.
I complied thinking
You could handle me.
But your kindling fire
Is burning out next to me.
My ice is melting
Drowning out my pain
While prolonging yours.

Ink runs down the paper
Like my words are crying too.
I write these for a person.
Someone, I don’t know who.

Thought is so unnecessary,
And yet these thoughts run rampant here,
They rage inside my untrained mind,
My calls no one can hear.

In a room all by myself,
Screeches fill the air,
But only I can hear them.
All you hear is
Stone
Cold
Silence.

I’m a waterfall,
A stream of words,
Unreliably flooding
Just to dry up at the first sign of drought.

I’m a paper girl
Rip me up and paste me together.
Dress me up in pretty crayon dresses
Add new pieces of me,
Take me apart.

I’m a dreamer, a visionary
I see a future full of wonder
A fantastical fantasy
Where I might be free
But I can never be free
From me.

I live in the future
I dismiss the past.
Memories hardly forgotten
Rise to the surface
Just to be drowned out again.

I am a dreamer, a visionary,
But I am lost in my dreams
My thoughts scatter in various directions
And I can’t find the present again
The past creeps behind me
Getting vengeance.

If I began to write my life story
The pages would be meters long
The book would be miles thick
The words would be tiny and barely legible
And it would always be unfinished.

I hate your easy smile
And your piercing, deep, eyes.
I hate the way you look at me
Like I am your whole world.

I hate your steadfastness
And your dependability
I hate your easy humor
And your unwavering loyalty.

I hate how you won’t leave me
How you always stand by my side.
I hate you because I love you,
And I can’t run away this time.

Expectations leads to disappointment
You said, “You could’ve done better.”
I know.
But you must know:
I can’t be everything you want.
I make mistakes too.
I hate how your expectations change
From person to person.
I just plain hate your expectations.
YOU NEVER GIVE ME A BREAK.
You give the breaks to my sister.
Why can’t I,
Just for once,
Be the one whose mistakes
Are okay.
The one
Who is proficient
Enough for you.
But you dwell on my errors.
YOU START YELLING.
You say I’m not trying hard enough.
Why should I?
I’LL NEVER MAKE YOU HAPPY ANYWAY.

Have you ever felt
Super super strong
And then suddenly something
Comes and knocks you down.

But instead of laying there
Like a beached whale
You get back up
And you seek revenge.

But you don’t topple that something
That brought you to your knees
But you instead stand taller than ever.
You become so successful,
It’s like saying, “Your efforts meant nothing!”
To the thing that pushed you back.

You surged forward.
You are a Force to be reckoned with.

Beauty seems to darken
In the shadows of this
Worsening existence.
Sounds jump at me
Sabotaging my happiness.
Fear is my only enemy.
.
.
.
Fear is my only friend.

“Don’t be a victim”
“Be positive.”
Well I’m sorry
That I’m honest.
“Such a Debbie-downer.”
Well, if you should know,
I’m not negative
I just see things more clearly
Than you.

I’m a tornado in a bottle,
And you see that clear.
Yet you still shake me,
Inducing my terrible fear
That I might break out of my bottle,
Shattered glass at your feet,
Distrust in your eyes.

I feel like a vessel,
Holding salty water inside.
But my metal is weak
It’s basically tinfoil,
And my water rushes out.

You are my release, poetry.
You know my deepest secrets.
I always write,
And I always will.

I cherish these moments together
Where I can be honest to myself,
And I don’t have to hide
Or even wear a mask.

You, lovely poetry,
Are a reservoir of me,
I poured my heart into you,
So cradle me softly, my beloved.

My presence is non-existent.
But you hear my whispers,
You crane your ears to hear me.

Crackle of the fireplace
I feel your special warmth,
So comfortable
Yet dangerous
My dear fire reborn.

You remind me of love, my darling
Fast and quick, then a slow burn,
Dancing in the moonlight I reach for your fingers
Only to be burned.

But scars heal and so do memories,
And I come back to you,
Even when you hurt me
I adore your precious gold hue.

I was in a mist
Things I never had I missed
Come near and I’ll hiss
Trust never was my thing.

But now your light shines through
So that I can approach you
But yet I stand still
A statue, a picture taken.

You start to walk towards me
I look like a deer in headlights
I can’t seem to move away
How you have incapacitated me, my dear.

I’ve felt many times a day
That I’m from earlier times
FAR far away.

I never really ever feel like I’m at home
I’m a triangle fitting into a square hole
I get in the hole, but there’s something missing.

I feel like I’m from a year
Way earlier than 2006,
It can be a giant advantage
Other times it is a...b-bomb.

Life isn’t rainbows and sunshine
But it isn’t all storms and rain either
Everything will turn out fine
But you can’t let life put out your Fire.

Hard work isn’t something to be scared of
I recommend you don’t do like me
Would you rather be tired and successful
Or still tired and a quitter?

These are the lessons I REALLY need to learn.
Anybody got tips on how to change your life?
Change your mind?
Change your heart?

Just LISTEN
Let me SPEAK
I’m breaking down and
I just want to SCREAM
Just so you would HEAR me
For once!

But instead I c r y.

How has it
Never occurred to you
That I’m sad because
You’re always yelling
At me to do better?

Why must you stifle me
Why must you stifle my fire.
I never asked you to cool me down
I don’t need to “chill”.

What I really need is to BURN

You are somebody’s world
Remember this
Even when the Universe seems big and you feel small
It truly is gigantic
But to someone
They couldn’t care less
If the Universe burned in hell
As long as they still have you.

Why am I still smiling
When the mourning bird sings
And inner tears drip in a pool
And the fire inside dims and cools.

I was having a good day
Then you reminded me
Of how imperfect I am
It’s like a roller coaster
You anticipate the fun
The higher you go
Feeling good
And then it stops
And you look down
And you’re scared
Because it’s a long fall
And your teetering on the edge
And when you plummet
Towards the ground
And your scream
Escapes your lips
Everyone thinks your having fun
But you’re really scared to death.
You feel good
Until you’re reminded
That you’re fifty feet in the air
And the cement is hard
And unforgiving.

Am I invisible?!
Because you’re avoiding my eyes.
What are you hiding?
Look at me.

Am I silenced
Because you ignore my cries
Are you deaf?
Or are you just cruel?

Please don’t be offended
I know there are parents here
But I just don’t understand you
I don’t understand your fear.

Why do parents want you to focus
And then talk to you too
Like I’m supposed to focus
On my homework AND you.

I just want to know
If you guys think punishment will fix
My severe anxiety
And my poor time-management.

I just want to know
Why you guys just tell kids they’re wrong
Without giving us specifics
Well I guess you do
And I’m just unfixable.

Have you ever
Felt like crying
And then involuntarily
Make a joke about your life
To make others feel better?

I though I was supposed to have choices.
But you still don’t let me.
You tell me I can object.
But I can’t.
Not really.
So I am instead objecting here.
It doesn’t matter.
You can’t see me anyway.

I can’t
I can’t
I can’t
But I will
Do I even have a choice?

How am I supposed to
Focus on algebra
When I feel like
I’m exploding inside.

You’re the kind of person
That would tell me
To stop exploding.

I’m the gun
And you’ve already pulled the trigger.

Over and over again
I write the same things
I rant
I weep
I dance
I cheer.

Different words used
But the theme is the same
Pain
And meaningless things.

You ask
Why I cause issues
All the time.
I don’t say
That I don’t cause issues all the time.

You ask me
Why I can’t be normal
I don’t say
I don’t wanna be.

You say you’re scared
I don’t say
I am too.

I am weak
I am strong
I am right
But I feel wrong.

Tell me to change
myself for you
But I feel wrong
And so do you?

Are you even aware
That you can’t “fix” me
When I don’t need to be fixed.
Sorry I’m such a problem.

Why can’t I cry?

Give away
Give away
What I found
For myself
Today.

But hey, that’s okay
Brightened up somebody’s day
Which darkened mine
Candlelight burns low.

Nevertheless I give
And when I have nothing to give
I give myself away
Disintegrated
That’s what I am
I am
No longer.

Tell me to stay
And I’ll run away
I cannot do
What you ask of me, dear.

Tell me not to cry
Yet tears leak out of my swollen eyes
Why are you crying?
You ask.
“Stop it.”
I can’t.

Stress is getting the best of me
Overwhelmed so much I can’t see
Mostly
Because my eyes are blurred by tears.

Fly away my hummingbird
That I might hear
You chirp another day
That your colors bright I may see again.

Come back for the spring
With the blue buds blooming
After hard cold winter
Will I see you again?

Nevertheless, if you leave
And do not return
I wish you well
Stay free, my hummingbird.

Look to the sky
See a mockingbird flying high
He sounds his call to us
I hear you, you are heard!

We are all fighting battles
We are all fighting wars
With our own consciousness
And the ones we adore.

I’m not talking about military
Not government
But on hardships abound
Our energy is still spent.

Our trials sometimes don’t show
We don’t want others to know
But we’re all soldiers
In the war with Ourselves.

Darkness is scariest
When it’s comfortable
When it cradles you
And you cling to it
Like a blanket.
Darkness is most frightful
When you want it
When it is your cover
Your only place to be real.

Ink bubbles from my lips
Like blood
Poems are full of pain
Of course.
My eyes are black
They say your eyes
Are the pathway to your soul.
Sometimes my words are soft
A pillow
Of clouds
Among sunshine.
Sometimes my words are sharp
And lash out
CRACK
My whip of words sounds it’s call.

I am not a hopeless romantic
But I also kind of am
I have never fallen in love
But I want to
I can imagine it.
But yet,
I still can’t fall in love.
Just for once
I want someone to look at me
Like I am their whole world.
I want to be able
To look at someone like that.
I just want my heart
To be broken just once
Because it means it once loved.
I haven’t had a “crush” for three years.
I miss the thrill of it.