How has it
Never occurred to you
That I’m sad because
You’re always yelling
At me to do better?

Why must you stifle me
Why must you stifle my fire.
I never asked you to cool me down
I don’t need to “chill”.

What I really need is to BURN

You are somebody’s world
Remember this
Even when the Universe seems big and you feel small
It truly is gigantic
But to someone
They couldn’t care less
If the Universe burned in hell
As long as they still have you.

Why am I still smiling
When the mourning bird sings
And inner tears drip in a pool
And the fire inside dims and cools.

I was having a good day
Then you reminded me
Of how imperfect I am
It’s like a roller coaster
You anticipate the fun
The higher you go
Feeling good
And then it stops
And you look down
And you’re scared
Because it’s a long fall
And your teetering on the edge
And when you plummet
Towards the ground
And your scream
Escapes your lips
Everyone thinks your having fun
But you’re really scared to death.
You feel good
Until you’re reminded
That you’re fifty feet in the air
And the cement is hard
And unforgiving.

Am I invisible?!
Because you’re avoiding my eyes.
What are you hiding?
Look at me.

Am I silenced
Because you ignore my cries
Are you deaf?
Or are you just cruel?

Please don’t be offended
I know there are parents here
But I just don’t understand you
I don’t understand your fear.

Why do parents want you to focus
And then talk to you too
Like I’m supposed to focus
On my homework AND you.

I just want to know
If you guys think punishment will fix
My severe anxiety
And my poor time-management.

I just want to know
Why you guys just tell kids they’re wrong
Without giving us specifics
Well I guess you do
And I’m just unfixable.

Have you ever
Felt like crying
And then involuntarily
Make a joke about your life
To make others feel better?

I though I was supposed to have choices.
But you still don’t let me.
You tell me I can object.
But I can’t.
Not really.
So I am instead objecting here.
It doesn’t matter.
You can’t see me anyway.

I can’t
I can’t
I can’t
But I will
Do I even have a choice?

How am I supposed to
Focus on algebra
When I feel like
I’m exploding inside.

You’re the kind of person
That would tell me
To stop exploding.

I’m the gun
And you’ve already pulled the trigger.

Over and over again
I write the same things
I rant
I weep
I dance
I cheer.

Different words used
But the theme is the same
Pain
And meaningless things.

You ask
Why I cause issues
All the time.
I don’t say
That I don’t cause issues all the time.

You ask me
Why I can’t be normal
I don’t say
I don’t wanna be.

You say you’re scared
I don’t say
I am too.

I am weak
I am strong
I am right
But I feel wrong.

Tell me to change
myself for you
But I feel wrong
And so do you?

Are you even aware
That you can’t “fix” me
When I don’t need to be fixed.
Sorry I’m such a problem.

Why can’t I cry?

Give away
Give away
What I found
For myself
Today.

But hey, that’s okay
Brightened up somebody’s day
Which darkened mine
Candlelight burns low.

Nevertheless I give
And when I have nothing to give
I give myself away
Disintegrated
That’s what I am
I am
No longer.

Tell me to stay
And I’ll run away
I cannot do
What you ask of me, dear.

Tell me not to cry
Yet tears leak out of my swollen eyes
Why are you crying?
You ask.
“Stop it.”
I can’t.

Stress is getting the best of me
Overwhelmed so much I can’t see
Mostly
Because my eyes are blurred by tears.

Fly away my hummingbird
That I might hear
You chirp another day
That your colors bright I may see again.

Come back for the spring
With the blue buds blooming
After hard cold winter
Will I see you again?

Nevertheless, if you leave
And do not return
I wish you well
Stay free, my hummingbird.

Look to the sky
See a mockingbird flying high
He sounds his call to us
I hear you, you are heard!

We are all fighting battles
We are all fighting wars
With our own consciousness
And the ones we adore.

I’m not talking about military
Not government
But on hardships abound
Our energy is still spent.

Our trials sometimes don’t show
We don’t want others to know
But we’re all soldiers
In the war with Ourselves.

Darkness is scariest
When it’s comfortable
When it cradles you
And you cling to it
Like a blanket.
Darkness is most frightful
When you want it
When it is your cover
Your only place to be real.

Ink bubbles from my lips
Like blood
Poems are full of pain
Of course.
My eyes are black
They say your eyes
Are the pathway to your soul.
Sometimes my words are soft
A pillow
Of clouds
Among sunshine.
Sometimes my words are sharp
And lash out
CRACK
My whip of words sounds it’s call.

I am not a hopeless romantic
But I also kind of am
I have never fallen in love
But I want to
I can imagine it.
But yet,
I still can’t fall in love.
Just for once
I want someone to look at me
Like I am their whole world.
I want to be able
To look at someone like that.
I just want my heart
To be broken just once
Because it means it once loved.
I haven’t had a “crush” for three years.
I miss the thrill of it.

Who do you think you are
To just waltz straight into my heart?!

Who do you think I am
An innocent little lamb?!

How dare you look at me!
When there is so little to see.

I just learned something today
Pain doesn’t go away as you age
The years go by and the sadness doesn’t leave
There’s still a missing part of you that you want to retrieve.

There are still scars healing all over your heart
That doesn’t change as you grow older.
There are still memories you want to erase
Ones you want to disappear without a trace.

But you learn how to cope
You sometimes seem to grow wiser
As you become weathered and worn
Your burden grows a wee little bit lighter.

Prejudice and pride
Something we want to hide
Yet it will still show itself

You are a star
You shine so brightly
You have a future
You are going to be okay
You’re my best friend
I will always be there for you
Don’t worry
Everything’s gonna be okay

I need to start saying this to myself

I am not afraid of new places and things
I am not afraid of the unfamiliar
I am not afraid of change
If anything, I am afraid of staying the same.

What younger me would say to me:
“I wanna see the sea!”
“Do you have a dog?”
“You should get a dog.”
I have four, by the way.
“Have you ever ridden a horse?”
I have. Still obsessed, of course.
“Is middle school like, super hard?”
No, but work hard, and you’ll earn a reward!
“Do you mean I’ll get candy or something?”
No, but you’ll get lots of satisfaction.
“What’s satisfaction.”
Oh you’ll see when you’re older.
“Teenagers ****.”
I won’t deny it!

Ill-mannered maiden
Lost in her world
Lost herself to Satan
No longer pure.

But that’s ok
You aren’t either
Unless you’re a baby
In that case,
That’s a smart baby!

Fake friendship has lost its appeal
I only long for what is real.

Compliments I no longer crave
I have too many sins, too many mistakes.

Pity parties I don’t want to have
I might be anxious, but I’m not THAT sad.

I walk through the foggy mist
I feel the souls around me
The lost ones I am amidst
I’m not talking about dead people
Instead the ones who are ignored
I’m talking about the people
Whose hearts are battered and sore.

Thank you Larry Marshall
For listening to my complaints
For putting up with my whining
And supporting it anyways.

Thank you Katja
For writing from your heart
I see you
I hear you
And it sounds awesome.

Surrounded by people
Yet still alone
The lone wolf traveler
Isolation-prone.

Socialism isn’t her thing
But she pretends it is
Masked she is
But she is not a hero.

Nevertheless
She wants to be heard
But she whispers
Hoping that he will hear.

I just realized
I say real a lot
Am I afraid of the fake
Am I afraid of lies?

I don’t know
Because I lie a lot
Sadly
I need to fix that
Am I afraid of myself?

It’s raining cats and dogs
And probably raining hogs
What if our own idioms
Suddenly became real?

“Oh, all I did was **** time”
Say that, and end up in jail
And hell, for that matter.
“Punch the clock”
Ow, that hurt
Don’t punch solid wood kids.

So I had a WellCheck today
I had a paper I had to fill out
One of the questions was
“How do you feel most of the time?”
The choices were:
Sad, angry, happy, and worried
I circled happy
The real answer was worried

Contradicting concepts
Are the essence of my being
Yes, it may not make sense
But it makes sense to me.

I love the things that can’t be seen
Or touched or heard or smelled
The type of thing that’s not tangible
That I am always seeing.

I love the way it sparks my fire
Of kindling curiosity
I don’t know if you guys agree
Or if it is only me.

Well, I just took an online-test
That told me I was mildly depressed
It also said I’m moderately
Passive-aggressive too.

A couple good things
It said to me,
I’m not a psychopath!
I have high self esteem
And I’m not a narcissist!

No one who knows me
Would ever think
I’m mildly depressed.

Except for you guys
As you have seen
Beneath this phony zest.

I was feeling much better
Then I realized my problems hadn’t left
This temporary relief
Was a very short-lived gift.

Words are my comfort-food
I’d binge-eat all day if I could,
But sadly it only changes my mood
And not my life (I misunderstood!)

Welp, that *****.
Eh, I’ll fix my life eventually
*key word-eventually!

250 poems
Now it’s 251
Who knew I had so much to say
I thought I’d only make one!

That was a complete and utter lie
Guess I didn’t know
That it’s so addictive
To write poems on HePo!

Dear RhymeZone,
Thank you for existing
You help me find the rhyming words
That used to always be missing.

You’re pretty much my savior
Thesaurus.com, you too!
You make my works even greater
For my readers (you!)

Thanks to you I can concoct
Words that fit like a sock!
Never mind a glove,
These words are more, which I love!

I need to write an essay
But this is so much better
My words are very messy
Much more fit for poems
Not for assignments this semester!

Run away
Run away
It’s best that you don’t stay
You have no idea
What chaos I am.

Run away
Run away
Remain and you will pay
The price of loving a living sin
And being in the places I have been.

Run away
Run away
Stay with me; you better pray
That you will make it unscathed
Out of this friendship you have made.

Oh please stay
Oh please stay
I will let you have your way
Even though I’m walking fire
And you have gotten yourself stuck in my mire.

Every single word I say
Hurts a person’s feelings
Every single breath I take
Is controlled by inner demons.

Every single friend I have
Has never seen behind my mask
And my poor family
Has to deal with the real me.

It’s a shame I cannot be
An actual human being
For I am a horrid monster instead
With bad luck trailing where she treads.

People are walking poetry
Hard battles inside the mind.
Sometimes soft, sometimes loud, always chaos
Nothing forgotten, left behind.

Sometimes I think that people
Are full of burning hate
Then I realize that they hold love
Two opposing traits.

People are walking poetry
Each of us made of words
Caging feelings so very deep
We are adjectives and verbs
We are poems you’ll want to keep.