I think
So I can write
But lately
I been thinking so much
I can't sketch a line

- Avalanche of thoughts spiraling down

I don't expect for nothing
I'm just a spectator

I don't even love you anymore, but
I'm still in love with the couple we were

-A picture was all it took to bring me back

Feeling lost sitting at home
I've been on autopilot so long
I'm making tracks in my carpet
Nothing but a figurative circle

I keep telling myself
It will be okay
It's only temporary
You are not alone

And I know
This is just how life is sometimes
But that doesn't take the pain away

Sometimes you don't even need a reason to hurt
Your brain just starts to send the wrong signals
I am writing right now and it doesn't matter if it *****
I am speaking to no one and to everyone
Just to not feel so alone

I'm not afraid to cry
But I'm tired of feeling like crying
It's a melancholy thing I suppose
And even if it doesn't feel good
I'm still appreciative of the ability to feel

This isn't a matter of actually being alone
I just feel like a stranger in my own skin
People are trying to help me
And I'm not denying it

It's only temporary, right?

Where the sunlight splashes through
The barely moving branches of the Magnolia tree
It makes a fascinating pattern on the patio.
Amy Lowell wrote of patterns in a lovely, angry verse
When she was writing about how she hated war.

I bend to trace the patterns with my toe
And focus on the possibilities of now
With monster canons rolling down the boulevards
And goose-step imitators marching by
While in the stands a devilishly evil Buddha smiles.

A zephyr gently stirs the leaves
And all the patterns rearrange again
I look at them with half closed eyes
And I can’t find the symmetry
That I saw just an hour ago.

The Kraken still is held by chains
And though he gushes fire and venom
The patterns on the wall contain him
As he thrashes to replace the sun
With a new one of his own creation.

Amy walked a peaceful garden path
In dappled sunlight long ago
Creating lines that live today.
I trundle down a brick-lined walk
And hope that I will have tomorrow.
                         ljm

See me
Find me in the crowd
And SEE me.

See who I am
See what I know
See what I do

See me

See what I stand for
See what I work towards
See what I’ve left behind me

See me

see why I care
See why I laugh
See why I cry

See me
          ljm