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Glus Feb 2020
Another day has passed,
another dream collapsed,
another spell is cast,
but this desert, it seems so vast.
A life spent in the search of meaning,
might turn out to be an empty book,
whose pages aren't worth turning.
From beginning until the end,
in all my searching, I could find,
that every desire I cooked up in my mind,
and every wish that filled my eyes with fire,
were just a string of bad decisions,
that has painted my inescapable past,
and every emotion that I've come across,
ran away from me so incredibly fast,
and the only one that turned up in the end,
is this overbearing stillness, that has occupied my mind.

But now.

The time has come,
for me to overcome,
this struggle, that is life,
and put an end to my internal strife.
From beginning until the end,
I've realized all my searching was just to find,
the perfect last words,
to justify, me bidding adieu to this world.
  Jun 2018 Glus
Jack Torrance
the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.

Step back a second,
before you judge,
and let me tell you the facts,
of addiction to drugs.

People think it’s clear cut,
that you chose to be an addict.
That the bottle, or needle,
is just some kind of tick.

They don’t know the fear,
when you’re not in control.
When you’re crying, while using,
and it’s ripping you’re soul.

They don’t know the feeling,
when you start to hide it away.
It’s a secret, I’m fine,
just another day.

They can’t see the battle,
of you versus your mind.
When you’re scared you might die,
but you try to act fine.

They don’t know the feeling,
when you know that they know,
and they don’t say a thing,
as you watch their disappointment grow.

They don’t know you slept,
on the bathroom floor,
passed out from your drug,
because you shut the door.

They don’t see,
you pushing your sides.
Checking your organs,
hoping today you won’t die.

Your fingernails are pink,
thats healthy right?
You don’t have a problem,
your eyes are still bright.

Who are you fooling,
they see the weight loss.
They know somethings wrong,
but it’s a bridge they won’t cross.

Now your on your own,
fighting your own brain,
trying your best to stop,
but you’re going insane.

Your addiction has won,
and you still try to fight.
That’s what no one sees,
is that you never lost sight.

That voice in your head,
that person you used to be,
has been drowned out,
by that addictive personality.

You want to apologize,
to simply beg for help,
but the shame stops you,
because you just blame yourself.

You didn’t choose to be this,
and you wish to take it back,
but you don’t think they’ll believe you,
because they can’t see the cracks.

Please don’t judge me,
I don’t want this at all.
I wish you understood,
that I’m against the wall.

I want my life back,
I want it to go away.
I never wanted to disappoint,
I didn’t want to be afraid.

Help me.

If you are having addiction struggles, I urge you to contact the helpline 1-888-508-4193.  There is no shame in admitting you need help with something you cannot control. I wish the best for you all.

— The End —