sometimes I just want it to stop
not for it to end
just enough for me to catch a little breath
just enough to keep up with the rest
just enough to laugh so hard my tummy starts to ache
just enough to enjoy those little moments, without worrying what's coming next
just enough to find myself again
just to know what I'm living for
before everything is too late

I deny myself,
deny the "what if's" no longer exist
deny admitting that i still think of the possibilities
deny the fact i still want us to speak

i pretend to have moved on
pretend that the song is JUST a song
pretend that the smell of dark wood
DOESNOT remind me of you
pretend that those little things are too little to remember
pretend that i love my newfound "freedom"

but how could i forget
about all those glances we met?
those glances that could change my entire day
how could i forget
about those words still stuck in my throat?
no matter how hard i try to swallow
it always refuses to go

now im just stuck
stuck between rembering and trying not to remember you
but those little things are  infact big
big enough to hold my present
force me to revisit the memory

how could i move ahead
from the love i kept alltogether to myself?
from the love i never got to confess?